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A sub on her knees…
What hasn’t life thrown at me lately? It’s summer time and everything has shifted to high gear in the vanilla world. My Dom is working 80 hour weeks again only seeing each other when we getting kids ready in the morning. I have taken on a different role at work that takes a lot of my energy. Then I found out a month ago baby #3 is on the way. All wonderful blessing that can be hard to juggle when it comes to keeping the D/s-M alive.
With my Dom not being home for our rituals I have put my submissive on a shelf and let the brat out. Slowly spiraling because I need his Dominance. We never had downtime to alter our rituals for these late nights, but we should have. We used vanilla excuses to not do what we knew we both needed. Over the last year we have grown in to accepting OUR D/s-M relationship. No longer comparing it to anything other than our own expectations and realities. I have started to understand more of what it means to let go of the control I never really possessed. It’s like a good pair of boots you finally got worn in. It fits us. Life happened and we failed at maintaining it.
I unravel. For an entire day I had lost myself. I suffered through work & shut down to the world. Towards the end of the day I tried looking for things to read that would get me wanting my submissive back. Then on the way home I made up my mind that the only way to fix this was on my knees. When I get home he is working on putting the new floor down for the add on. I say hello and give a kiss making my way to our room. I make my place and kneel.
I knew he would be a minute but I need this time to think about the “S” in S.O.A.P. “What does it mean to me to truly serve someone?” As I was trying to discover the answer he came in and asked me what I was doing. My answer was very obvious “kneeling”. I could feel the frustration rolling off of him that was the answer he was looking for and I knew it. He continued doing whatever it was he was doing. I don’t know what I answered that way when I knew what he was looking for. I didn’t mean for it to be bratty but it was. My guard was still up. And he wasn’t going to tear it down. He is going to make me take it down. He finishes and stops in front of me again, “Are you going to tell me why?” This is exactly what I was waiting for but it was still so hard to talk. “I have been bad. Not just this morning but lately I haven’t been very submissive. So I got on my knees to think about what it means to serve you, I need to be punished Sir. Please show me your mercy.” (I totally said this out loud multiple times on my way home and was still a stuttering mess when I said it.) He reach down to help me up. I could feel the balance falling back into place.
We went to get dinner. Then came home and had a wonderful reset session. I think sometimes as submissive that we forget we hold the key. Our Doms are never going to force us to submit, not really. We have to be willing to give it to them then they will take the rest. It had been so long since I had given him my submission but that was all it took was a sub on her knees.
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Kleine,
You are an amazing women! I admire you so much. You may struggle but you always seem to find a way back and do it with grace. I love that you are able to look inside yourself and find the answers. Thank you for sharing!
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