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1 Month Check-Up
It’s been about a month since Sir agreed to be my Dom and accepted me as his sub. I feel like a lot has happened in just 1 month.
At the beginning, Sir was worried about the kink side of it all, saying that he has “never been very adventurous”. Now he is exploring punishment, impact play, and pain play. He’s gotten good at giving me orders and expecting me to obey.
As for me, I have found that I am more horny now than I ever have been before! I literally crave…something every single day. I’m also finding that I lean heavily toward being a 24/7 sub. I want to sit at his feet, fetch whatever he needs, cook and clean for him. I speak with him before spending money and anything that is not groceries. I speak with him before making any big decisions (allowing someone to “hire” one of the kids, considering a job offer even if it from family, purchasing educational material for the kids). I speak with Sir about anything I want to volunteer for or any activity I want to attend or sign the kids up for. I can make decisions for myself but there are things I will always defer to Sir for.
For the most part, Sir is still only asserting his Dominance when it comes to bedroom stuff. We text a lot (we always have; it’s easier with kids) and there is definitely an increase in play, but it’s all still very vanilla… very twisted vanilla, but vanilla all the same. It almost feels like he thinks the only time he can be Dom is when it comes to bedroom stuff. He has expectations and rules for daily life but he’s not very Dom about them. I’m hoping that if I am patient and not pushy about it he will see that my sub side is always showing.
I’m still trying to convince Sir to register on husDom and that I need DT (he’s pretty sure that any time we talk is DT). He told me the biggest reason he hasn’t registered on husDom yet is because there’s a lot of material to read through and he does not like reading. LOL. I try to go through some of the blog posts for him so he doesn’t have to read through, but there are things I just don’t have access to. I think the next time I talk to him about it I will suggest that he send me anything that looks interesting so I can read it for him. - 4 Replies
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It has taken my Sir time to get used to implementing Dom behavior in daily life. I think it is just retraining our minds to think and behave differently. Rome wasnt built in a day. It is a slow unfolding rather than a quick arrival. I think DT is there for that purpose of expressing what you need from him to be a good sub. It is just practice. We tried to go too fast at first and it led to expectations which always lead to disappointment. So we slowed things way down and I have made peace with our vanilla moments and I’m treasuring our D/s moments. I figure over time we will get better and better at it all. You can only go as fast as the slowest person. But it is our job initially as subs to really explain what we need as subs cause they aren’t subs so they have no idea!
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Congratulations to both of you, HisDoe and Star!!! I absolutely love it that both of you mentioned Downtime and PATIENCE!!!! I have noticed that successful subs are focusing on those two things and a lot of frustrated subs are missing one of the two. Looks like you ladies are off to a fantastic start!
Hugs!!!
Staci -
Just days after I posted this, Sir and I hit a little bump.
I thought I messed up and when I apologized Sir was kind of blah about it.
He didn’t actually see my screw up as a screw up. But I didn’t realize that. So his lack of response bothered me.
When I talked to him about it we both had a few realizations. We took a little step back to kind of reassess ourselves and what we each want from this dynamic.
After a few days, Sir let me know that he wanted to continue. 🙂
Even when there’s a bump in the road patience and communication can get you past it. -
Hi
I am about 4 weeks into this new lifestyle with MrH and I can relate to your post. I am finding I defer to Sir about things I didn’t even consider before and I do kneel at his feet whenever possible (when I have been out and come home for example) we didn’t know anything about downtime until I joined here and I immediately shared the blog post with Sir. A few days later I asked if we could have some downtime and if he would please tell me what ritual he would like me assign to this and to tell me so I could do this. We had our first downtime last night and it was brilliant. We have been together for 23 years and we have communicated more openly about our desires and needs in the last 4 weeks than we have in all those years.
I am having to practice patience too as Sir is in control of things. I would love him to bend me over the bed and spank me red raw but somehow I don’t think he’s ready of he would have.
I did express my concern that he was only doing this because I wanted him to and that it wasn’t something he really wanted – but he said that no he was enjoying it a lot and I wasn’t to worry.
I hope everyone is well.
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