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Why do I feel embarrassed?
I have been in a committed relationship with a DOM for two years. He enjoys all aspects of the lifestyle. His heart desires a true submissive. When I met him I knew nothing of the lifestyle. Slowly, slowly he has taught me. I struggle all the time. When I say certain things or give him certain things, I struggle with this feeling of “selling out”- this internal turmoil.
He tells me I come in and out of submission at my own will. That I need to be consistent, yet I find it so hard unless it’s sexual.
It submission something you are born with or can it be developed?
I want to please him so that in itself is a submissive act.
I’ve never met about her Submissive to talk with. Maybe it just feels isolating at the moment. -
7 Replies
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Hi KittyKat!
I think some women are more naturally submissive than others, but I truly believe that it takes a conscious decision and practice in order for it to become second nature.
What do you mean by the title of your post? What aspect of submission embarrasses you? I’m online if you want to jump on The Warren Chat and discuss.
Staci
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Sorry for the late reply. I’m using this app on my phone and navigating around has been about challenging. Anyways…. why embarrassed? I suppose it’s the vulnerability aspect. I suppose like many other submissive, in my every day life I am perceived quite dominant. I’m not used to being ordered or told what to do. While sexually it’s a thrill. I enjoy exploring. Outside the bedroom it’s a constant struggle to provide the stimulation he desires and remember to in his words ” be soft”. Sometimes it feels so forced I feel embarrassed for lack of a better word. Not sure if this makes sense at all.
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It does make sense. I am only submissive to my husband. In my career and among my friends I am one of the most assertive women you could meet.
I’m curious what still feels forced after two years? Is your dynamic bedroom-only or 24/7?
We are somewhere in the middle. Sir has slowly expanded his circle of control by taking on additional Dom responsibilities as they become natural. I think that if it had been a sudden “Master makes all the decisions now” that it would not have felt authentic and I would have had a hard time following rules without losing the person I am inside. I have always been ambitious and outgoing, and that is the person He fell in love with… so he doesn’t want a meek little slave. He wants the challenge and privilege of taming an alpha female.
😉
Staci -
The story goes: we were both married when we met. He was married to a woman who gave him the lifestyle he wanted but did it for him. She found no enjoyment in it. I was married to a man who was basically under my thumb. Needless to say we met and realized how disgunctional our marriages were. He divorced after 20 years of marriage, me after 10. I didn’t know the terms DOM or Sub ( other then the 50 shades book) he was slow with me. Little by little. I have custody of my kids full time. We don’t live together yet so the dynamic feels very on/of/on/off. I’m not sure how other Dons/Sirs are or what they desire. Mine in particular is very sexual. He is always “on”. Enjoys constant stimulation. It’s all an adjustment.
Can I ask where you live? -
I believe every woman/man is different. Im probably whats considered a natural submissive. I have NEVER been good at taking charge, the exception being a mother.. My husband and i still had alot of power struggles, it honestly hasnt been until i let go of the social expectation to be this independent woman that my submissive side has been able to truly shine.. My husband is also naturally dominant, but not in this lifestyle until i suggested it. So theres always been elements of D/s, we just didnt realise it. He’s my Sir, even with our natural personalities. We have hit speed bumps, its really figuring out what is causing the temporary issue. Figuring out what his interpretation of soft means might help you. As for your partner always being on, he may just have a high sexual threshold. My Sir is, 2-3 times a day was/is normal for us and still is 13 years on. Not living together could be contributing, he wants as much of you while he has the opportunity.
Good luck -
You are spot on!
He says all the time, that he is without me so much that when he has me he has sexual tension and aggression to release.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me. I greatly appreciate it.
So nice to have someone to bounce this off of.Kat
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Anyone besides my husband would never use the word submissive to describe any part of my personality. I have been with him for over twelve years and I felt to embarrassed until a few weeks ago to expressed my desire for him to become my dom. I have always been some what the submissive type toward him in the vanilla type ways
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