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Where to start..
Hello all:)
I am new to this site, but not new to submission. My fiance, however, is completely vanilla. He is not naturally inclined towards bdsm as far as we can tell. He is open to learning and exploring, so I am looking to connect with other folks who are in, or have been in a similar situation. Trying to live as a submissive, with a Vanilla partner, and trying to help him navigate all of the information out there!I have accepted that he may never be Dominant in our relationship, so I am also working on redirecting my submissive energies. Finding alternate ways to satisfy those needs without opening our relationship, as he is also not poly.
What I would love to find is any writings from men who began as Vanilla, and became the dominant partner in a D/s relationship. What did they go through? Emotionally, morally, intellectually, physically? What motivated them and what was really hard to deal with/get through?
There is so much out there not in favor of such a match up, tons of writing about how such pairings ended badly and generally just don’t work. It is discouraging.BadWolf
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5 Replies
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Hello BadWolf (nice name, you’re not a Dr Who fan are you)
I believe many Doms who have submissives here started as Vanilla, without ever having expressed their Dominance before they were asked by their wives or partners. My own Sir hadn’t really shown any tendency either until I asked him but he came on board. We are in this now for 9 weeks and really only just starting. Being a Dominant partner does not necessarily mean that he has to be kinky. Being head of your household and making decisions for you however might extend into the bedroom eventually.
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Badwolf, Most men are vanilla starting out in my opinion the only difference is some are dominant and others are more laid back. But If your soon to be husband is willing to try D/s and try to work on his dominance. Have him sign -up to Mr. Fox HusDom.com This is Lk’s Sir site and he had to learn from scratch how to become a Dom. Have him read Mr Fox’s journey from the start. Mr Fox writes it in easy understandable terms so you get the meaning. LK and Mr Fox started and learn’t own their own because there were no married couple’s out in blog land. Also Mr Fox and LK started in the bedroom only that is where I would suggest for you both to start out in and build from there.Plus there is other Dom’s on line that can guide him and answer questions he may have about his role.
Hope this helps,
Lt♥ -
I am also just starting out with my partner-we have just one kink (lol) to work out. I would like another name besides my first name for when we play. I call him ‘Sir’ which as a military man, he’s exceptionally fond of, but I’d like a name too but I’m not feeling too creative at the moment. I welcome suggestions-I’d like to pick a name that wouldn’t sound offensive if overheard.
Hopefully that makes sense.
Thank you!
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Kennedy, Your sub name has to have meaning to you and have association to something you do or your Sir see’s you have a habit of doing. Or you could use your initials to your first, middle or last name or it could be a nickname you have been called in the past or present. The name could come from a hobby that you do like crafts, gardening or reading. If you can’t think of anything at least give us a hint on what you do, like as a hobby or what you have a habit of doing all the time. This way us subs can think of something you may associate with in the name.
Lt♥
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Hi Kennedy-
My Sir and I have faced the same quandary for when we are together and I have left it up to Mr. Ward (my Sir) to choose a name for when we play and when we are in the presence of others. During play, He has used an assortment of words including terms of endearment such as “My darling” or “My good girl,” but also things that are a bit more graphic such as “My good little slut.” For us, it’s a process and we figure we’ll stumble upon the right names and will know when we find it.Lt… I liked your idea of hobbies or interests as a starting point. My current passion is photography but Shutterbug Baby doesn’t sound too sexy in the bedroom lol 😉
Our online names ended up being much easier to come up with and humorous (at least to us).
Welcome to the Warren and D/s!
june
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