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When real life interferes
Sir and I have had alot on our plate. Sir had been not playing his role enough, I was trying to stay in that submissive state but I was barely floating. Well he said something to me in text and said it was punishable. I lost it at him via text and send it was totally unfair, it was ultimately a communication breakdown. He said one thing the night before but meant it differently. Told him he wasnt being dominant. Well youre not being submissive lately. At this point I was getting quite stressed out. I halted the argument calling red, explaining why. He has realised how much he was not fulfilling his role. I tried to continue things, but until i had my meltdown and could look in and see when he lets his role down, my routine falters. His dominance is my routine. With my ADD and ASD its not uncommon for me to not see/deal with the breakdown when it happens, something else happens and I will crack because my coping mechanisims get too overwhelmed. Its at that point we can pinpoint what is actually going on for me. We had downtime, we are back on track and Sir is putting work in for him to be where we need it to be. The difference was immediate with me having him lead again. We are D/s-M for nearly 1 year and this is our first roadblock.
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3 Replies
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So glad that it sounds like you and your Sir got past your first road block (woot woot! you go girl!)…just remember that they will happen! We all have vanilla aspects of our life and I think it’s unrealistic to think that my every day responsibilities, stress and life are not going to affect my dynamic from time to time. My Sir is the same way. Not that we don’t care or even welcome a roadblock, we’ve just resigned ourselves to understand that they will happen and they haven’t destroyed our D/s-M, so why stress? Some of the most valuable lessons for Sir and I were when we came OUT of a road block and could look back at it with clarity. Another lesson I had to learn was to not be too hard on myself when “vanilla” happened…just call downtime, get my mindset corrected and move on (in my best Dory voice, “just keep swimming, just keep swimming”).
Smooches,
V -
Missy, thank you for this post. You brought to light extremely similar issues and explained it in a way that hit home. I will share this with my Sir because you explained it perfectly. Thank you and I am so happy you were able to recognize it and deal with it together and move forward.
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I love this, V: “we’ve just resigned ourselves to understand that they will happen and they haven’t destroyed our D/s-M, so why stress?”
In the midst of the tiniest bump, it looks like a giant, unresolvable roadblock to me, and I am tempted to throw up my hands and declare it all impossible. That’s my personality…all or nothing,from my perspective, everything is either SUPER FANTASTIC or COMPLETE CRAP! So, I am going to hold on to this wisdom. We have had bumps and we have worked past them….all is not lost! 🙂 It is reasonable to assume that stress in my life, in his live, in OUR lives is going to effect our interactions with each other, and we just have to recognize it and push through. Thanks, V!
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