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When he makes mistakes?
So, we know what to do when I, the sub, makes a mistake. We address it, discipline it, process it, and move on. But we are incredibly new to this (less than 2 weeks, but pretty deep in), and we aren’t sure how to handle it when Sir makes a mistake. He fucked up several times today…mostly because he had not been taking his anxiety meds like he should, but everybody makes mistakes, even when they are properly medicated. We just aren’t sure…what kind of consequences should there be for the Dom not being in control of himself enough?
My thing is this: this is all about trust. So if he isn’t in control of himself, and still attempts to control me, that is a big problem. Should the only consequence be me removing myself from his control, or should there be more? He feels awful about the whole day, by the way.
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4 Replies
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Communication is the key to all of it. If you’ve only been doing this for two weeks, take a breath and slow down just a bit. There are going to be days when it all seems to be falling apart. The key is to get back on the horse and keep trying. And, open, honest communication is the key.
We don’t really do punishment for either of us. If one of us makes a mistake we apologize and go on. We are too early in this process for punishments, 90 days or so.
I’m sure there are others here that will chime in and give you their ideas as well. -
Wow, that is a tricky issue! I think you are correct, SirsPet, that submission cannot occur without trust and issues related to mental health are a big deal there. Mrs Blue Eyes is correct that you should take things slow. Embracing the D/s-M dynamic is a huge overhaul of a marriage and not every rule or ritual comes naturally overnight.
I do not have personal experience with this issue, but two things came to mind.
1. Are you a bedroom submissive or 24/7? You said you are pretty deep into it even though you are new, so I suspect you may be trying 24/7. Maybe bedroom-only submission is a good first step when you feel your Dom is prone to making mistakes. That way there is a structured power exchange for a finite amount of time while you get used to your roles.
2. Do you have a contract? Could him taking his meds be one of his Dom responsibilities?Just some thoughts… I hope you are able to find something that works for you.
Staci
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So mistakes happen. It’s okay. So when Sir has made a mistake we discuss it. I will bring it up to him in a respectful way. We’ll talk and he makes the needed changes to correct the issue. When discussing the mistake we also discuss resolutions to it as well, and I will offer suggestions. He may take those as he sees fit. Sir takes his mistakes much harder than I do when I make a mistake. So I keep that in the back of my head as well.
I will note this at the very start mistakes were a little hard to take. But as we’ve continued on our D/s it has gotten easier and we get over those little hiccups faster as learn and keep moving forward. -
Thank you all so much for your replies! I have gained some insight from all of them. A few things come to mind to reply.
Mrs. Blue Eyes: No punishments? So when you make a mistake that you knew was a mistake, there are no spankings or loss of privilege?
Staci: We have known each other for almost 21 years (met when I was 15) and have engaged in alternative sexual lifestyles off and on the whole time, including orgies back in high school. We have experimented with various power exchange dynamics fairly frequently throughout our relationship. So this isn’t entirely new to us.
I don’t feel like he is “prone to making mistakes” in general. Overall, he takes his role EXTREMELY seriously, and seems to feel very honored by my submission to him. And we have a rule that I can invoke “spousespace” whenever I need a break or need to talk to him about something that falls outside the purview of TTWD.
We are going to discuss a contract. At the very least, we have a lot of details to hammer out about boundaries and expectations before we proceed with collaring. The thing is, while it’s not entirely new, a lot of the fine details are, and we keep running into things that we weren’t expecting.
Puddingpop: Thank you for your reply. My Sir, as well, takes any mistakes he makes very hard, as he knows that they have the potential to have serious repercussions (I am a sexual abuse survivor and also have mental health issues). Sometimes I feel bad taking him to task, but he actually is grateful that I can still stand up for myself when I need to. I am glad to hear that things will feel a little less intense later on in regards to this.
Overall, the last couple of weeks have been some of the most liberating and amazing in my life. I couldn’t stand the thought of going backwards now. I was just curious how others handled it when the Dom was the one who made the mistake.
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