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What’s your #1 reason for wanting submission?
Hi everyone,
I’ve been reading some erotica lately and it made me realize I wanted more out of Sir and I’s current D/s dynamic… like, a level up. I’ve been thinking a lot and realize all of my favorite books have similar themes: heroine taken captive, rape, lots of bondage, and even pet play. I’m starting to admit that these things are main themes I want included in the playtime with my Sir. I also realized that I want more training… like protocols and etiquette. Bigger punishments or consequences to my actions. I think the reason we haven’t incorporated many protocols/etiquette/rules into our dynamic so far is because I always fight back in the beginning. I want to be forced to submit to a new rule at first, which is probably difficult for my Sir to know how to deal with. I’m begging for more but then resist when he tells me the first instruction… So, I need to communicate that with Sir. When we started this dynamic, it began with me kneeling naked and reading a heartfelt letter to him, as submissively as possible. That was a beautiful moment… but it was me willingly kneeling in front of him. Now, I want to be forced to kneel, spanked into submission. I want new rules, protocols, and etiquette but I want to be trained into following them differently… “against my will” you could say. The idea of being instructed to follow a new rule accompanied by a spanking just to “make it stick” or being tied up until I agree to follow it is more appealing than me just obeying it at first. Maybe I’m just struggling to give my submission 100% though, so that’s what I’m reflecting on and trying to determine. I don’t think I would enjoy being a submissive who always obeys though… I like the fun involved in disobeying more…. which is why I feel guilty. I talked to my Sir last night and we both agreed we want to include training into our future. He said he will research into it more tonight, but I’m also trying to reflect on my #1 reason I want submission. I want to figure out what my main motivation is and have an internal reset, so I can figure out what kind of submission appeals to me (without the brattiness). It’s tricky because I really enjoy the struggle…. I can be a real pain when I’m bratty, I’m sure. My Sir sometimes calls me his “little shit” when I’m sneaky or misbehaving. lol😅 I sincerely want to please my Sir, to be his good girl…. but, I also want to go through the struggle to get there. My Sir has told me he thinks he has a sadistic side where he enjoys hearing me scream, but he also has a Daddy Dom side where he’s very caring and treats me like a doll. I think I’m just conflicted and unsure how to tell my Sir what I want. One part of me wants to please him, but the other part wants to push his buttons so I’ll get taught a lesson. I want this lifestyle for us to grow together and I want to be able to communicate what I crave and be clear for my Sir, not confusing. I also want him to figure out what things he enjoys too. What I do know for sure though is that I want to try some new things I’ve been reading in my books… but, I’ll start with communicating to my Sir about training tonight. I can’t wait to see what thoughts he has after his research tonight. 😁 Anyone else relate to this or have any advice for me? Or, what does submissive training mean to you?
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