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Vanilla Subport
Met up with a very good friend for drinks, dinner and girl talk the other night. I have been wanting to share some things with her (including our D/s) but wasn’t sure if the right situation would present itself. I had Sir’s permission to share so when the right moment happened, I shared with her. To my surprise and delight, her startled expression wasn’t of revulsion or disgust but of pure happiness. She quickly said, No wonder you’re so glowy! LOL Seriously, there wasn’t any defining or defending what we are doing. Nothing but complete support. Even better, she has not just a working knowledge, but a full understanding of BDSM relationships. In hindsight, it made me wonder if she’s in a D/s too. 😀 We didn’t talk specifics in terms of kink, but she was quick to address the power exchange, aftercare, level of trust and the responsibilities she knows my HusDom has taken on regarding my welfare. True understanding. What a gift!
So it made me wonder about my fellow subbies… Have you shared with your vanilla friends and if so, what kind of support did you receive? Or was it a disaster?
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7 Replies
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I have gotten up the nerve and over our last few visits have talked with my brother. He and I have historically been open with each other about our relationships. It turns out he is as dominant as I am submissive. Neither of us has a great relationship with our parents but this new connection we have is bringing us closer together. We discovered we both had these leanings from childhood but had no one to talk to …. in part due to our parents’ attitudes. For me it is particularly wonderful to be able to talk openly with someone besides my husband about our dynamic although specifics are not shared! Our brother-sister relationship supersedes anything D/s and of course we would never interact in a D/s dynamic so this does not directly address your post. I thought I would share it, though, because it helps to remind us all that we can find support in some of the least expected places 🙂
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That’s really cool that you were able to share something so personal with your brother and that he not only understands, but is a Dom! Love that you have that kind of support with him!
Thanks for sharing 🙂
june
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I have told 2 of my vanilla friends. We are very close. I was nervous though, but they took it well. Asked a few questions, but didn’t run in fear or think I was crazy. They were happy for me. One also wanted more info on the site as well. I didn’t give too many details about what we do but did explain somethings that they had questions about. I would not tell most of the people I know about this, nor is it any of their business, but it was nice to be able to share with my closest friends.
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That’s awesome that you have two close friends so receptive! Like you, there’s not many people I would share this information with but it was so nice to discuss it in general terms and not have that “running for the hills” reaction.
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Oooh, fun subject!
I suppose you can say I just came out to one of my good friends about two months ago. We’re both Catholic and she had questions about the Church’s teachings regarding sex. Let’s just say that led deeper down the rabbit hole than she was first anticipating. LOL The topic led to things such as orgasms and anal sex, which led to things of a more kinky nature, which led to BDSM. She was shocked, to say the least. My husband is as quiet and unassuming as her’s, so she was shocked to know he had a Dom side. After I told her I’ve found her watching my husband like a hawk to see if he gives it away. Now that she knows what to look for she can see it clear as day. Too funny. 😛 He’s very good at keeping a proper demeanor. And she’s promised never, ever to stop and offer help if she finds the car parked by the side of the road. *ahem*
The funny twist for me was when she told me that she had been dabbling in BDSM and kink for years before converting, at which point she gave it up cold turkey (assuming she wasn’t supposed to do that, or something). I asked her, “why?” and she didn’t really have an answer. From there it led to a bit of a religious convo and I pulled out some books to put her mind at ease. Once that was done she scheduled a night to come over while my dh was at work and look at all the BDSM books and gear. We also went out to our local Dr. John’s and looked through their (poor) BDSM section. LOL It was quite the girls’ night out! We talked floggers, demoed what they had available and discussed different styles. We must have been quite a sight – one 40 year old woman and her 9 months pregnant friend flogging each other on the arms in the middle of the store with every type of flogger they had…
She came back to my place, borrowed some books and went home to talk with her hubby. I gave her a head’s up on some decent sites to make purchases and she went home a very happy woman. It was like she was given “permission” to be herself again and she seemed elated.
She is one of maybe two people I could see discussing things with, and it was really nice to have found that. Most of my friends would not have taken it so well, I think.
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OMG! Loved the image of you being 9 months pregnant with your friend in a store while testing floggers! LOL So funny and also so cool that y’all felt secure enough in your friendship to do it! I also think it’s really neat that you were able to share books and information regarding your faith so she’d know kink isn’t forbidden.
Thanks for sharing! -
Hello All,
Since this conversation was from quite awhile ago, I’m not sure if anyone can help. I’m looking for Collette. It looks like it’s been a while since she’s been here, but we had a great conversation in private message on the old website and she had suggested a couple of books for me to read. Of course, I can’t see those messages anymore so I wanted to ask her for the book titles again, if I can find her. Thanks for any help you can give.
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