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Unexpected Feelings
Hi everyone,
I’m not new to this lifestyle, I’ve been a bedroom submissive for years but it’s only been a month since my husband and I have made a very strong effort to make this lifestyle more 24/7. However, we’ve run into a very unexpected hurdle that I’m afraid will derail everything.
A little history (and I’ll try to be brief). Been with my husband since I was 15 years old, and in October it’ll be 28 years. He’s struggled with mental illness for as long as I’ve known him, and if I’m being honest, we both swept it under the rug and tried to ignore it. 8 years ago it came to a head and he had an affair. A huge factor in the affair was his mental illness (still no excuse but it was definitely a contributing factor). I told him if he doesn’t deal with it, I’m out. We worked really hard to get to where we are today. He’s done the counselling, we’ve done marriage counselling, he’s been on meds for 8 years, everything is so much better than I could ever imagine. Things have changed for the better in our relationship.
We’ve tried in the past to take things outside of the bedroom but it always fizzled because he was scared of becoming abusive (his father was physically and mentally abusive and this was part of his mental health) and I never pushed it because I understood his fear.
So now that we’re trying again because we’re in such an amazing spot he’s putting in a huge effort. Following through with things, reading, etc.. But something kept bothering me and it wasn’t until yesterday that I finally figured out what it was. It’s been 8 years and it’s taken that long to rebuild my trust. I’ve gotten comfortable with the level of trust I have with him. But this, taking things outside the bedroom, has now elevated my level of trust past my comfort zone and it’s scaring me.
I don’t want to stop, and neither does he. It’s who I am and it’s who he is too. But pushing past my trust level has been highly emotional for both of us. I don’t know what I’m asking for…maybe some insight? Anyone else that’s pushing their trust levels and can provide some feedback?
If you’ve made it to the end, thanks for reading
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1 Reply
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Hello hispet and welcome to the site. I think all of us have had to deal with trust issues to some extent. My best advice is threefold:
1. Take it slow. If both of you try to be everything in just a few days/weeks it will fail almost certainly. Take things slow. Slowly add rules/rituals. Start with a few basic rules. Then add to them as you both get comfortable.
2. Communication. Have a regular downtime, journal, text…do whatever you need to do to keep the lines of communication open. In the beginning I journaled and then I would let Sir read what I had written. Writing things down gave me time to get my thoughts together and reading what I had written gave him time to get his thoughts together.
3. Honesty. You have to be honest with each other. If something is going too fast for you honest communication is the way to deal with it. If you hide some emotion or fear you are not being honest with your Sir.
Y’all have a lot of rebuilding to do and it will take some time, don’t rush it. Give yourselves some time to get this right. LK has a lot of chats for the new kids in town. Join in and ask those questions. I can assure you that you are not the only one going through this. Join in on the community chats when some of us are there. Just check in. We are glad to share our experiences and what has worked for us.
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