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Trouble
A bit of back story. My husband and I had drifted apart pretty far. It was fall of last year that I got suspicious something was going on. I snooped (it’s what I do). I found he was playing an online role playing game where women were commodities to be used by men as they see fit. He was flirting heavily with a few of the women from the game. He also had started talking with one woman specifically regarding potentially doing cyber sex in a private chat. This same women was also close to where one of his travels for work went. He had gone out of his way to ensure she knew he’d be visiting the area. Needless to say I was livid and heart broken. He admitted he had taken things way to far and blurred the lines between reality and fantasy. He stopped playing the game, closed his Facebook account (he was using messenger to talk to many of these gals outside of the game), and canceled his business trip. It was during my investigation into thing I found I liked some of the concepts of the game as well, such as female submission to a dominant male. We introduced the lifestyle as part of the healing process. It’s been wonderful. We’re closer than ever. Today though the woman from the game popped up on my Facebook feed. I ended up looking through conversations he had had with women from the game. I’m finding it hard to want to submit now. He’s had all these fantasy women obeying his every command, I don’t see how I can stack up. That doesn’t even take into account the submission fantasy porn he was watching as well. He loves me I know he does and he’s stopped every action that could be seen as betrayal on my part. I enjoy submission to him, I really do. How do I compete with the images and conversations that are now in my head and have been in his head all along? I don’t want to throw this in his face he really is trying. What do I do? You gals are the only ones I know who might understand this.
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8 Replies
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Hello Flower,
I understand what your feeling and what he did was wrong period, but also he gave it up and admitted what he did went over those lines. Like you said he’s been loyal ever since and he loves you. This journey starts first by sitting down in what we call downtime and clear all the skeletons out of the closet. Once you do this and accept what happened is in the past. That is when you begin a new journey with a clean slate and your journey together starts from that point on…always looking forward! Also you don’t need to compete with any of those women because in reality he is with you. If anything that needs to be built upon is the trust factor and being open and honest with one another. If you enjoy submitting to him than submit to him by being the best submissive that you can be for you.
LT
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I don’t have much to add but I just wanted to say I feel for you. You are clearly a strong woman and however you proceed from here…I wish you an amazing journey.
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Flower,
Thank you for your heart honest share….HUGZZZZZ a share form Curvey
I think MANY women have walked the INTER-NET /hiding behind the screen …blurred lines. I agree with lots of what LT shared. You will only Truly be able to move forward Live Happily Ever D/sMarried if you Forgive …LET IT GO ! If you don’t it will ruin the marriage, jealously can eat you from the inside out !
It sounds like your Sir got caught up in the moment …lets just get it out there …he NEVER saw this woman in person or slept with her. All men (woman too ;love porn ) He Loves you and your family ..He has admitted his mistake and Loves and is with YOU ! Dont let this one time blurred lines ruin what you have built…Don’t keep punishing him…Don’t compare yourself to any other woman cause ;he said I DO to you !
GRRRR to FB close that account !
Best Wishes,
Curvey -
Flower,
I am so sorry to hear you are hurting! Trust me when I say, I can relate! But you should not compete with these images. You are more than those images. You are His wife and sub! How long ago did you find all this out? To be honest, it sounds like you are not fully over it (and I cant tell you if you should be over it or when to be over it, that is a time issue and something you need to work on within yourself and with Him) and if you are not fully over it, you both cannot go forward with this dynamic since it is truly based on the foundation (Honesty, Communication, Trust and Respect) all 4 of those pillars it sounds like to me are not firm and solid right now. You need to feel confident enough to turn to Him and explain how you felt when her picture came up and how it felt to read those conversations. You two are building a team and to do that you need to rely on the other. For you to fully let go of the past, you need to get it out on the table….all of it! All the feelings, all the hurt, all the pain. Yes, it will be tough for Him. No one wants to see someone they love hurting. But because He loves you and wants this dynamic with you then He will listen to you and understand. Your Dom is supposed to be the one you can turn to (not saying in any way you cant turn to us amazing subbies, cause we are always here!) when you need Him. And right now, you need Him. Because no matter what I say, it wont be as good as hearing the reassurance from Him that its over and you are more than any of those women combined.
I know how tough this is and how hurtful it can be and my heart breaks for you sweetie. Message me anytime you need to, and know I am sending you my thoughts and prayers
xoxo,
KLB
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I fell off the map for a while and didn’t get back to you gals. For that I apologize. We’re going to continue with our D/s relationship. I really think it helps us. I’m not exactly a weak willed woman. Looking back I probably steam rolled him more than I should have. Without even thinking about it I helped his insecurities of not be enough of a man. However, with D/s I now naturally have to defer to him. I find he has adjusted to the role fairly well and it does seem to have boosted his confidence as man/head of household. The issues from before still rear their ugly heads in my mind. The days are becoming less and less. Unlike a lot of women though I went in to the skid instead of against it. I offered him more trust instead of less. My idea is that if I was holding back anything from him before it hindered our relationship. Yes the decision were his own, but I may have helped invent the environment they were bred in. I had to realize this though. He realized he risked everything with his behavior and that seems to have shaken him. Don’t get me wrong though I have not become a wallflower. When we decided to stay together I put a list of rules in his hand. These are lines in the sand so to speak and if he crosses them even a little we’re done. I trust him not to, but it’s more of a clear cut way for him to know where his boundaries should be and he’s ok with that. Since starting our D/s lifestyle we’re closer than ever. We’re sharing stuff that we never did before. We were that closed off before. Of course along with it our sex life is a thousand times better. I suspect I will have days when memories of the pain surface and I will have to deal with them. Yet, more and more they are lessening as our relationship continues to get better.
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CHEERS TO YOU BOTH !!! a share from Curvey
ITS OVER DONE DEALT with !!! Lock it in a box …never bring it up again …
NOT even in heated moments !!!It takes a STRONG, LOVING ….couple to Trust , Live , Love again!
It’s easy to quit …sometime it happens
Dont LOOK Back ….Your NOT going that way …
Curves -
This is crazy…I had almost the exact same thing happen to me. I too through the discovery of his indiscretion realized that I enjoy submitting to him. At first I tried it only because I thought that is what would make him happy and hopefully keep him with me, but as things progressed a little further I realized I enjoy it. My issue is much like you, how will I ever stack up to these much younger and much prettier girls. He has deleted all the accounts where he was coming in contact with them but I keep replaying what was going on with them in my head and the images make it even worse. I so feel your pain here!
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cm,
thank you for the honest pst ! a share from Curvey
I confess too …I for sure look at the 6pak ab-boy TOYS LOL !! I think like many posted its the trolling the WWW, porn , hooking up on line …saying – being who ever you dream to be its all CRAP !!! Those are hard limits for us …its now ;due to the WWW ( who would have thought ,,,needs to be added to your wedding vows) I shall not cheat thru the WWW GRRR! That is how we feel ! It s very easy to sit behind a scene and do all kinds of things most people would never do or say to someone face! NEVER forget , you are who your husband/LTR is with ! Your his trophysub …act like it ,walk like it , work at being better at it …BRING IT !!
Living Happily Ds After,
Curvey
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