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Triggers aren't just for subs
We entered our first week of true D/s-M and hit every roadblock possible. It was such an emotional up and down yo-yo for days. We worked through all of them pretty beautifully, until BAM I got triggered into a deep wound caused by poor behavior of his for the previous 14 years of our marriage. BUT, I wasn’t the only one that was triggered. Sir was equally, if not more triggered into his own deep wounds from my bad behavior from the previous 14 years of our marriage. And he shut the whole thing down. He immediately walked away from D/s-M because 1.The pain was too much and he is very uncomfortable in emotional pain. He’s too new to actually working through it to come up against a such a doozie. And 2.He felt like we took a giant leap backwards and that is the exact opposite direction he wants to go.
We are slowly working through it. We’ve been communicating wonderfully about it. There is no anger about it, but he has fears. I do not fear the pain or working through things. I’m used to the healing process and I think it’s beautiful.
All I can do right now is be committed to SOAP and keep working on the foundation, which is really good marriage protocol all the same. He knows I’m continuing on and I can tell he wants back in, but he has to feel safe again.Anyways, my point is, triggers of wounds don’t only happen to us subs. We aren’t the only ones that may need DT or extra after care, or space and understanding. This is a huge learning and often healing process for our doms also. Domination does not mean void of wounds and triggers. Its not always easy for them to step into their roles. They are human like us and have their wounds and triggers. We have to be there for them, just the same as they need to be here for us.
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