-
THIS is THE BEST place to be!
From the earliest I can remember, about 18 months old, I have felt unsure about people. I never truly felt like I could trust anyone. My parents seemed to me like aliens, I never really saw their love for me. I just felt mom’s criticism and dad’s silence. I learned to believe that I wasn’t worth much effort, that I would always mess things up, and that there was something wrong with me, because everyone told me that if I tried harder I could achieve great things. Well, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t do any better than nearly failing. As an adult, mother of a 2E kid, I know why that is now. But all that struggle effected how I saw myself and how I saw the people around me. No one ever “got it”, no one ever cared enough to try, they were all just trying to get me to fit in a box that wasn’t built for me. I was continually talked down to, scolded for being myself, bullied, abused verbally, physically and even sexually. As a twenty something single mother of two, Sir ᏩᏯ set his sights on me, we went out and talked for hours and hours. If you know him you know that’s unusual. My girls loved him, and eventually I realized that he was true and genuine, even so, my trust in him was incomplete. We got married in the fall of 2002 and he spent the next 16.5 years convincing me that he could be trusted. He cared for me, loved me, learned what makes me tick, and became my only completely trusted person. When I discovered D/s it suddenly clicked for me, I realized that I DO trust him, completely, but I hadn’t been acting like it. After our FA we started growing in TTWD together and every act of submitting to him reinforced that trust but it was also breaking away the years of doubt, insecurities, abusive words, behaviors that all just broke me down and caused me to put up walls, walls that now Sir ᏩᏯ was tearing down. Today, I can talk about my abusive ex husband, the harsh words of my mother, the bullies at school, like it happened to someone else, or like it was a movie I saw. There were some awful awful things but without all that I wouldn’t be who I am today, or where I am today, and THIS is THE BEST place to be! 🙂
-
0 Replies
Sorry, there were no replies found.
Log in to reply.