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The struggle is real… or is it????
Many of the scenes that my HusDom and I undertake have some elements of Consentual Non-Consent (CNC). My Dom has a kidnapping kink, and most of my fantasies fall under the category “against my will.” I know that I am not the only one, but this was the thing that I had the most trouble admitting, even after completing limits lists, journals, and Downtimes.
In a D|s-M dynamic with lots of trust and communication, it is still a challenge to find ways to resist without shutting down the scene. I already know what you are going to say… Safewords, right?
Well that’s the thing. My Sir is so adept at reading my body language that we have only gotten to a place where a safeword was needed three times in the 3 years we have been practicing BDSM. I trust him to stop well before I am actually in trouble. And that’s a good thing until he needs me to struggle to create the fantasy we both want.Last night he was holding my head down and I thought a token struggle was in order. As soon as I twitched, he eased up. This morning we discussed the fact that I was attempting faux resistance and he thought I actually wanted him to stop. We decided that instead of counting on him to heed all nonverbal cues, or proceeding until a safeword was spoken, that two nonverbal signs would be in effect for a CNC scene. If I squeeze his hand or (whatever body part I can reach) or pull him towards me, that means to ignore all protests. Patting movements will be interpreted as “tapping out” but is not quite as urgent as a safeword.
I am curious if anyone else has strategies to remain in character for CNC play?
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7 Replies
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Daddy and I have talked about it because yes, I too have this fantasy. Daddy worries, quite rightfully, that if he sneaks up on my or surprizes me at this point I would actually be scared and ruin the scene. He said that we probably need to choreograph it going over it slowly the first time to be sure we both know what’s going to happen. Then make sure that some acknowledgement of the scene is in place before proceding. So, in essence, no actual surprize attack. With my past, this makes sense and I’m sure that over time we will find a groove that these scenes can happen as a surprize attack situation but only under limited situations, like no sneaking up on me walking late at night where it really could be anyone. We go camping as often as we can and when we do go it’s out away from everyone, so when we are the only ones there it’d be more reasonable.
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Thank you for your replies!
Kanna, most of the “in public” stuff is subtle. He has stalked me to a grocery store and quietly whispered in my ear, that I am going to leave the cart where it is and leave with him without raising anyone else’s suspicion or the punishment would be worse. He has also snuck up behind me at home and thrown a black bag over my head. But I knew he was home, so I was okay. If he did that while I thought he was out of town, that would be a little too much for me to handle!
NymphKitten, excellent point that staying in character is not the only reason for a nonverbal safe word.
Staci
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My sir is extremely good at reading my body language while we are playing, and also stops before I need to safeword. I wouldn’t say that my Sir and do CNC, but some of the scenes that we play do leave me unable to speak. I use nonverbal signs for times that my voice isn’t really available and it works well for me. The patting movement is more of a “time out” for me and he needs to check in with me before continuing in any way. I have tapped out a time or two before continuing a scene.
I think using nonverbal commands when your voice is “busy” doing something else with CNC play is a great idea.
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Staci, that sounds awesome! So, at the grocery store for instance he didn’t/doesn’t sneak up on you but to someone who doesn’t know you, he may or may not be someone you know? That sounds very hot!!! THAT I could do. 😊
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Kanna,
He snuck up on me in the sense that I didn’t know he was in the store or even on that side of town, but he didn’t attack me in public. He just slid up behind me and whispered in my ear. 😉
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That sounds amazing! So, as soon as you heard his voice you knew you were safe.
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Staci-great post! I will have to share with Sir G. We have had similar challenges. When he pulls my hair a little too hard or too long, I reach up and just lay my hand on top of his, that is generally enough for him to know to loosen up a bit. If we do wrestle play, the standard flat palm hitting the bed let’s him know I am calling “uncle”. 🙂 This is a great discussion, hope to see more posts.
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