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Tasks… Mirror Scene Essay
This is an essay that my Sir had me write in preparation for the Mirror Scene. It comes in at a hefty 2018 words. I’d love to hear feedback from you ladies. Take note my thoughts were a bit garbled at the time 😉
The Mirror Scene
Purpose and application: The purpose of the mirror scene is multi-functional. In the first instance the scene may be used for the purposes of play developed within the framework of certain boundaries and limits. The mirror is often used as a visual aide to provide an alternative perspective and to a certain extent satisfy the voyeuristic pleasure from both sides of the dynamic. The mirror affords the participants the opportunity to view their partner when they ordinarily may not have the chance in terms of positioning.
In the second instance a Mirror scene may be used by a Dominant to satisfy the dominant responsibility of developing a submissive to their full potential as well as ascertaining limits of said submissive. The activity is intended to build self-esteem in a submissive in reference to said submissive’s body and their attitude to such. It is used for this application in cases where body and self-esteem issues have historically caused a submissive to loathe, dislike or otherwise disdain themselves.
The exercise often helps a submissive view themselves as their Dominant may. Certain conditions of body dysmorphia makes it difficult for a submissive to view their body as their Dominant does due to social distortion and conditioning from various sources. Quite often before a Mirror scene has been attempted a submissive has had a dearth of positive re-enforcement. It is the Dominant’s responsibility to change the perception or currently re-enforced view by communicating His desire and view clearly and vividly.
Those sources of negative attribution are either remote, such as magazines, film etc. where an unrealistic body image is promoted and makes the submissive feel “ugly” or undesirable. An alternative source of this skewed self-image may be perpetuated by sources closer to the subject. Hyper critical comment from close members of family and friends may also perpetuation a negative view of the physical person as well as personality.
The framework allows both the Dominant and submissive to build an understanding of each other as well as themselves. The Mirror scene allows a Dominant to show a submissive in an easily understood format what their personal thoughts are about the submissive’s body and their reactions to commentary from the Dominant. It affords an opportunity to learn, understand and accept.
Acceptance is a one of the most important foundations within the D/s dynamic and should be developed by the Dominant in reference to the submissive on an ongoing basis. The levels of trust required by the dynamic is reinforced by this particular activity and therefore expanded in the cases of successful completion.
Emotional and Physical Impact: From a submissive standpoint the Mirror Scene strongly encourages the submissive to see what is there rather than the emotional and mental image they have created in their psyche via the input from critical outside forces. Submission requires acceptance in many forms, one of those forms is the acceptance of their Dominant’s word and desire. By its very nature it requires that a submissive accepts the view of their Dominant as true and in the best interest of both parties. Without that acceptance the trust aspect within the Dynamic is undermined and minimised. All activities require high levels of trust between the submissive and Dominant.
At inception the Mirror Scene has the potential to shatter the personal view a submissive may have about their physical state. This in and of itself is often painful, humbling and by its nature difficult to process and accept. Additionally it is considered cathartic to remove those negative thought processes to develop a strong psyche. An opportunity then presents itself for the sub to build her self-image with the input of her Dom. The sub has the opportunity to view her Dom with the intervention of the mirror. Quite often reactions and facial expressions are lost to the sub, as mirrors are usually placed to aid the Dom in an all-round view. She then has the opportunity to view her Dom’s reaction first hand. She may see in his face the reaction he has to her body, even to those parts of herself that she does not like or appreciate. In a way she learns step by step to accept her Dom’s words as the truth and his reactions as honest.
AS the submissive makes peace with her physical appearance it also opens her up to working her body for the pleasure of her Dominant. She will learn to make use of those areas that hold specific and special significance. As an example the sub may get comfortable displaying her posterior and intimate areas for her Dom, where previously she would not feel comfortable doing so. The sub learns the abandon of giving her body over to her Dom, a freedom that is generally restricted by body issues. Clearing body issues away in a D/s dynamic is important, as the sub should be focussed on her Dom and his desires, rather than wondering if her posterior looks like cottage cheese or not (quite often it is wholly untrue due to the dysmorphia usually associated with body issues).
Dominant Impact: In the first instance this process may be difficult for the Dominant to watch, especially in cases where the submissive is a beloved. The process is necessarily painful in order to break a pattern of self-abuse in the submissive partner. However a Dominant may also enjoy breaking down the self-inflicted self-image of the submissive and building it into a more healthy more sexually aware submissive. Additionally the dominant will probably see some self-flagellation that may upset him on a personal level. On a more positive note the Dominant will have an opportunity to see in an unobstructed fashion how the submissive thinks and feels and otherwise reacts to stimuli in situations where vulnerability is enforced. It will give the Dominant the opportunity to learn to read subtle signs of distress in the submissive’s body. It is important to note that sometimes submissives refuse to use their safe words or are unable to especially when in deep subspace. In the cases where submissives refuse to use their safe words it is usually as a direct reaction to either a) holding back their submission or b) taking whatever punishment from their Dom because they want to please or c) Strong subspace response. Both these situations are dangerous as the sub cannot or will not keep themselves safe. It is the Dominants responsibility to keep the sub safe both from himself and herself. In order to do that the Dominant is required to be able to read the sub carefully and in minute details. The Dom also must know what it is he is looking at. In this case the mirror scene is helpful for both sides of the dynamic as an unobstructed view is afforded to both parties. The Dominant may also discover that there are areas of the submissive’s body that he has previously not considered as erotic. It is also an exercise in exploration for both sides of the dynamic.
Particulars and roles: For this scene the Dominant is required to be the strength of the submissive. The emotional intensity of this scene is rated quite highly. It is the Dominants job to carefully watch the submissive and check her for signs of serious mental anguish, should the safe word be used the scene is to desist immediately. The Dominant should then initiate aftercare procedures immediately. Should the yellow safe word be used the scene may be slowed down slightly in order for the submissive to catch her breath. The Dominant should then gently but firmly nudge the submissive to continue with the scene to maintain momentum. The rear view of the submissive should not be neglected.
The particulars of the basic scene are as follows: The room should be warm and welcoming with some soft mood music. Lighting should be as flattering as possible if necessary. The submissive stands in front of a mirror fully clothed. It is recommended that the submissive not wear make-up of any sort. The Dominant takes his place behind the submissive where he may see the front view in the mirror. For the initial scene most mentors indicate that the Dominant should not touch the submissive as the action tends to prolong the scene beyond what is effective. The submissive starts to remove one piece of clothing exposing one body part. She then points to the body part and provides her thoughts on said body part. At that juncture the Dominant is then required to articulate his thoughts on that particular part. The submissive then moves on to the next piece of clothing to strip away. The submissive should then turn her back to the mirror and watch what is happening over her shoulder. The whole body must be explored by both sides of the dynamic. In a way she is symbolically stripping away her negative perceptions of her body. The Dominant is will watch and comment until the submissive is completely laid bare. In the event that Red has been called for the safe word the entire scene stops and the submissive must start the entire scene from the beginning at a later date. The scene loses its efficacy once it simply takes off where it may have ended. It breaks the mood and the sub may slip out of mind set due to emotional stress. The Dominant should be aware that the submissive may require a higher degree of aftercare from this scene especially the first time the scene is instituted.
Development: The scene may be adapted after the first exercise has been completed. Possible developments may be in the order of the following:
1. The Dominant may choose to take a more active role. He may instruct the submissive to touch the area she has exposed in a loving and/or erotic manner while explaining her thoughts on the body part.
2. The Dominant may decide to touch area the submissive has exposed while explaining his thoughts about that particular area.
3. The Dominant may instruct the submissive to dance for him, while watching in the Mirror. Erotic dancing could help the submissive to get comfortable in her skin as well as learning to move in ways pleasing to her Dominant. The Dominant may choose to join in at this point by making skin to skin contact with the submissive while looking in the mirror and telling the submissive what he find beautiful about her body and what turns him on about it. It is usually recommended that the Dominant articulate clearly and honestly.
4. The Dominant may instruct the submissive to engage in erotic massage of her own skin within his view as a way to help the submissive bond with her Dominant as well as her own body. He may choose to either watch or join in by touching the submissive’s skin.
5. Lastly the Dominant may instruct the submissive to masturbate in front of him while facing the mirror. He may join in by oiling up the submissive’s skin and preparing her body for the next stage of play. It may get to the point where the Dominant may prepare the submissive’s body for anal sex while she masturbates with either her finger or a toy of some sort. It may even be an opportunity to insert a butt plug. Alternatively the Dominant may instruct the submissive to insert the butt plug before the scene starts which will ensure that the anal cavity is ready for later play after the scene.
Conclusion: This scene actually scares me on a fairly primal level, but I am willing to try. I want to be successful because I Do not want to let you down. I want to get through this ordeal and enjoy myself. I want to discover my inner Harlot for your pleasure. I am strangely enough looking forward to moving on with the scene and developing our own full scene. The basic scene is well, very basic and has the potential to be very short lived. Expanding it according to YOUR tastes will give the scene a longer shelf life.And there it is…. Cripes
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4 Replies
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Dear Pethellion-
This essay simply blows me away with its candor and insight. Really like that it’s written in third person and with an academic flavor within the vernacular. It also articulates many of the fears/feelings I have about doing this particular scene. Just thinking about doing it with my Sir very nearly makes me weep as I know it will be a highly emotionally charged scene. However, I also know that it’s something we must do at some point in order to continue with personal growth.There are so many of us who have self image issues when it comes to our body. Thank you for sharing this with us and good luck on your mirror scene.
Hugs,
june -
Dear June,
Thank you so much for your kind words on this essay. I really appreciate the support. Additionally I just hope that it can hopefully help someone.
The Mirror Scene is tonight and I am right back to freaking out a bit. But that could be because I got punished for today.
I will certainly post a Post Mortem of the proceedings.
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I have mentioned to my Sir my desire to do a mirror scene. First we need the mirror. I am hoping that at some point we will do this as I don’t see myself at all positive in my self image, whether in the physical or in the many talents and abilities that I have. I will let you know when we do this.
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Pethellion, I have thoroughly enjoyed your essay on the mirror scene. It is highly informative and at the same time frightful to me. I would love to do this scene with my Dom when I find him but I know that it will be very hard to complete. Some of the reading was difficult for me just to imagine. I want better self esteem and I do think this would help. Thank you for sharing.
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