Taking D/s-M Out of the Home

[Kaninchen]

I wanted to start by saying, Whenever you and your Dominants go out to any event or class, They will list or email you a list where it tells you the etiquette, expectations and rules. Most of these are just proper behaviors in any gathering. If someone doesn’t give these instructions, it should be a RED-FLAG. You want rules and expectations to be listed out for all. These rules should cover DOMs and subs alike. A Dominant should have just as many rules as subs do, again, a RED-FLAG if they don’t. Most subs worry about how to address others and how they are to receive others. These emails will address all these things. Please list anymore questions that you may have… I will write you back. HUGS, LK

[Unknown Member]

MG,

What a great share …..Yes ,I totally agree it can be scary ..the first time ! Just finding a group , event ..you think you want to try can be daunting LOL !

You have encourage me to write/share about, Our first D/sM adventure out. We went BIG LOL…..

Yes, Our first was 2016 VEGAS/Gathering …

CURVEY

[his-liz]

Thank you for your shares!!! We recently spoke about maybe visiting a dungeon and or going to a munch. My husband is very shy to new ppl. I would love him to meet face to face with ppl who considered themselves the D type. I hope it will clear his vision and enable him to see that there mostly normal ppl.
Again thanks for sharing!

[Unknown Member]

Hi Liz!
My Husband is the same way, I am however very extroverted. I don’t know if this will work for the two of you, but something that helps him is when I scope out a reoccurring event first, and give him as much detail on what to expect. I love talking to new people, I know it helps him when I take the lead on conversations with new people for a bit, being sure to include him by “forgetting” certain details of a story and asking him if he remembers. After awhile he loosens up and becomes a bit more chatty. Either way, I know how you feel. 🙂

[Unknown Member]

Hey all,
So please bare with me I’m still trying to gather my thoughts up on Sir and mine adventure of taking our D/s out of the house and to the munch we attended last night.

Okay I was super nervous. Sir and I walked into the munch location and ordered some drinks and food. We looked around but didnt see any one for the munch. We did see some pool tables so Sir decided we should play pool while have my drink and my nerves settle down. During our pool game is when Sir figured out the munch was in catering room that was off from the pool room. After our fast game (I stink at pool and Sir is really good at it). Sir said it was time to go into the munch and to gather up my courage. We nervously walked into the room. I had one hand desperately clutching to Sir and the other firmly wrapped around my jack n coke (yeah I needed some liquid courage to not be so on edge). Sir reassured me we could sit at table that was not occupied. So we found ur table put our jackets down, and then Sir left to let the bar staff know where we moved to so they could bring us our food, but he came back with our food and another jack n coke for me.

So I started shoving food down my throat hole. I was starving at this point. As we were eating food we listen and watched the other people at the meeting. Everyone was doing the same for us. It was odd. So after a little bit, it was time for everyone to introduce them selfs to the group. Sir and I were last for this. Sir did his first and then I quickly did mine. Afterwards everyone came up and introduced them selfs to us. There was somebody that had some handcrafted whackers. Not sure what to call them other than that, as they sure as heck were not paddles, crops, or anything else I’ve seen or heard about.

Now after checking out the whackers we sat back down, and then a few different couples sat down and started chatting to us. Now I didn’t notice but Sir sure as heck did. It was at around this point the other couple with a female left, except for one. Sir said he was engaged in conversation with her and her slave, and the three lone Doms were all trying to talk with me. I was right next to Sir and he said he was keeping a close eye and ear on the other Doms attempts of small talk. It was also at this time while Sir with this Mistress that she suggested her and Sir have a play day together. He declined politely and they chatted for a bit more, then she collected her slave and they left.

Here is the part Sir disliked. So now we’re left with the three lone Doms. It was like being at a wiener roast and only Sir brought a bun, and he wasn’t sharing is how Sir described it to me. After a few more minutes it was time to go. We said our goodbyes, collected our things and went home.

Since our adventure of taking our D/s out and about Sir and I have had a bunch of talks. Some of them enlightening and others that are just silly. I’m still undecided about this munch group and Sir has stated until I do so we will be attending the next one.

Here is what I would say to anybody thinking of going to their first munch. Make sure you and your Sir are on the same page on your D/s. Go with an open mind as you will be exposed to others kink that you might not be into. Lastly be prepared to take a bit to process the munch by yourself, and as a D/s couple.

[his-liz]

Thank you for your share!!!! As we have been considering this. I think we may need some time to really discuss going to a munch. My Sir isn’t into a whole lot of kink and I think he needs to be fully aware of what he may encounter.
Thanks again!

[rae]

Thank you for sharing. Seems you had a better response than most. In Austin TX, we have a very active community and sometimes new people get over looked. Not because we want to but because mumches are once a month, life happens and we try to catch up with friends that we have not seen in a while. That being said we found a solution and that was a greeter who told you about the group, gives you a membership card and then takes ypu over to a table and someone who has been in the community a while. The first hour of our munch is social and mingling. The 2nd hour we do community announcements and once done more socializing.

Please do go back again. Enjoy the journey.

[Kaninchen]

Thank you all for sharing your experiences. Mr Fox and I went to a local in a larger city then our own, couple hours away. We enjoyed going and speaking to others at the lunch/business part. It was so nice to chat with people that we may never have spoke to before in our vanilla lives. We could see the feelings within them that we ourselves harbor. Some of their stories were so interesting and I was more interested in hearing about them them revealing our story. While very interesting during the lunch/business part of munch, we also saw a new member a single young lady, early 20’s being referred to as “new meat” to her face. Some even telling her they wanted to play with her later. (after munch there is a brief break they all go to a local hotel and have the “play” part of their meetings.) This concerned me to the point that I tried to pull her aside and tell her that she should not “play” with anyone she doesn’t know and trust thoroughly. She ignored me and went on her way. This truly saddened me. We went to “play” part where at first they do vendor time where you can buy tools/toys by local members. We bought a nice flogger and paid for our entry, where they ask you to fill out private info. (I did not like that.) Anyways, we knew within the first 7 seconds that this local gathering is NOT for married couples, unless you are swingers, which is good for that dynamic but, NOT for us or most married monogamous couples. We gave a few people there our contact info to see if they wanted to connect later but after seeing we were not sharing, Not 1 of them contacted us afterwards. Overall experience disappointed but not surprised.

This is one reason why we put our gathering together once a year where we all can have at least one couple-experience where we go into a dungeon or group play atmosphere so couples can take some of the scary out of getting to experience playing or watching others play, nothing nude or tasteless of course. Even just showing couples the atmosphere or how to use an impact implement can enhance their D/s-M 10 fold. We provide this in a safe atmosphere so couples at least once a year get to feel what taking their D/s-M out of their house or bedroom feels like. This alone is good for some couples and encourages others to gain confidence to go out to more things on their own. Different cities have different munches, different couples ave different standards of what they consider ok… so I encourage an open mind. Go and just attend parts that you are comfortable with. You don’t have to stay and play EVER! Remember, every gathering or munch I have heard of up to this point is for all lifestyle dynamics, so when introducing your husband/DOM to D/s in general its probably not the first place to intro him to this dynamic. Introduce him on a married Monogamous community website, http://www.husDOM.com, Mr. Fox’s Dominants only site. There is no other D/s-M only munches or gatherings… we are working on it. The best thing about our gatherings you can find friends to meet up with afterwards to continue communicating and getting together with later. Our communities gathering is this fall so if you’re new or a seasoned submissive and Dominant we would like to introduce you to a Warren Gathering, https://submrs.com/submrs-husdom-annual-gathering-city-of-the-dead-2017-all-hollows-eve/… Private message us on either site if interested. See my blog for post with details. HUGS! LK

subMrs & husDOM Annual Gathering | NOLA EVENT 2017, | All Hollows Eve | SOLD OUT

[Unknown Member]

LK
We would love to go the Gathering, but this year’s is just scheduled at the wrong time for us 🙁
I would really like a munch where it was for D/s and committed couples. Sadly this seems to be the unicorn for married D/s couples. Even if it was a regional munch one a month, every few months, or just once every six months would be great.

[Unknown Member]

We have had good,bad and ugly .. ventures out. My share is make sure your both ready, understand your entering the BDSM world, all kinks ! Your a grown adult , Yes be prepared as females to get the looks … conversation but, you have a voice use it. My Sir just smiles stands taller knowing I’m his only .. his trophy sub! Sir normally does our introduction.. and includes we don’t share ! Get it out… many just move on … then others gravitate to us. Lol. We have met and made some amazing new friends. Kinda like … kissing frogs till you find a Prince LOl… try a few.
Just my share ,
Curvey

[bliss-aka-mr-grants-muffin]

Thanks for all these posts and insights! This has been our concern for going to “munches”. I have heard that they tend to draw swingers. No judging, just not our thing. So thankful for this site AND especially for the Gatherings. We have come away from the gatherings with lasting couple friendships that have the same “non-sharing” hard limit that we do. Guess we will continue to hold off on Munches and just do what we can to see and connect with our DsM friends we have met thru LK and Mr. Fox.
Thank you!
Bliss

[saraphim]

It was great to read these posts. I think in some ways, Sir and I enjoy our anonymity. At the same time, there is a general thirst for some knowledge. You Tube only takes you so far LOL. I’ve been trying to do some research on classes offered in other cities. There looks to be some in San Antonio, also NOLA. So I have two questions –

How do you go about finding classes?

We are clueless about finding munches and choosing them? Any words of wisdom?

S

[meaux]

Definitely a lot of food for thought here in this set of posts! One of my goals for this year is to meet (in person!) some other couples in the lifestyle. Perhaps that would even include figuring out the local scene. I am pretty sure there’s an active scene here where I live (has even been mentioned in this thread…) so we will have to see when we are ready.

Looking forward HOPEFULLY to the gathering in October, so that might be our start.

Anyone getting together for FSOG? We are doing a solo date night, an area get-together for subMrs folks didn’t end up working out this time.

SaraPhim – not that I’ve attended any, but I have searched for my cityname and then the type of class and found all sorts of hits. No guarantee they are quality or classy, but there are options. I’d have to believe there would be options all over…

[sugarnspice]

This may be very naive of me, but is there nudity at all these different types events? I wouldn’t know what to expect… and I don’t know how my sir would take it if we showed up at one without knowing lol. Like the Warren one that was in Vegas? What kind of couples play does it consist of?

[Kaninchen]

Hello sugar n spice ..,
At our gatherings, there is really no nudity. Everything we do in our group is done with class. We may tour a dungeon and in the past a couple people may play a bit, usually most you see is a woman topless. If you go to a play party expect to maybe see a little more.
Any meetings or parties list there expectations and rules on attire beforehand. Our Gatherings have rules and protocols that are given out beforehand. If they don’t it’s a red flag, don’t go. Our gatherings are more about getting together with monogamous couples with like taste of D/s…. and having experiences with a group where you’re not the only one that is there for first time having such an experience. This in a sense is for beginners for first time experienced an intro if you will but we add a little Edge to it so those who come Year after year can go little further then the year before but in the safety of a group that begins to feel like a family.

Hugs… private message me anytime.

Lk

[sugarnspice]

Thank you for the explanation LK!! New terms and new lifestyle to understand! I appreciate the openness and guidance.

[honey-bee-bee-keeper]

Hi Subbies!!

I saw that LK does not want us sharing locations, etc. I totally get that BUT can anyone give generic help for how to find these munches and others local in the lifestyle??

Thanks!

[Kaninchen]

Ladies you can share where you live. When you intro we usually do announce approx where we live. I never said you can’t share locations. You can’t solicit other people for meet ups. This site is not for meet ups. There are other sites for that. This keeps our site safe and new members do not feel threatened, they feel protected.

If you’re looking for a munch or any local BDSM groups or clubs or even hook ups, lol, use the information highway… GOOGLE..
If you’re in a small town look at your major cities.

Hugs, LK

[Unknown Member]

LK ,

Thank you for the reminder . I agree the feeling safe in this community and it not being a HOOK up is wonderful ! I know Mr Fox always encourage D/sM couples to make friendships and experiences. My a I please clarify ….If I meet another Texas submissive that we connect ….It is OK to PM or email or exchange phone numbers. To have a coffee or lunch date 😉 This is not breaking any TOS ? I see this has come up bunches over the last several months . I know no one wants to break any of the site TOS . For Tex and Curvey we enjoy meeting having a Fun time, growing friendships with other D.sM .

Respectfully ,
Curvey

[Kaninchen]

If you are personally on chat talking to another submissive and you both privately want to exchange info, that is great, you do it privately by PM or exchange emails. I want subs to make friends. Now, if you want to meet up with couples or put a shout out for certain cities to get in touch with you on our forums or public places on the site and is not mutually agreed upon. (soliciting) One is mutual and private the other is public and soliciting others with out permission. There is a complete difference in the two. This has always been our rule on both sites. We encourage people to find others and learn from each other. Any other questions please PM me here on site.

LK