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Submissive or Passive?
I thought I’d write this post in case anyone else still in the early phase of their D/s (about 8 months now for us) is having a similar problem. Things between my Sir and I are fantastic and we really are so very happy with our new dynamic. We have established the foundations of our relationship and have been able to weave our D/s into our busy family and work lives whilst also having a real focus during our time alone. Finding time to scene can be a challenge with many teenagers in the house but we grab every opportunity we can. Because of this, we tend to play in the evenings when we finally make it to bed. Sometimes, although anticipating and looking forward to this, it does not always go according to plan. Last night was one such time.
Sir had sent me a text earlier in the day telling me his plans for the play that night. It was lovely that he’d thought to build up to it like that and I let him know how much I was looking forward to it. As often happens, time was not our friend. We were later up than we’d hoped to be and after a great start as I practiced my kneeling for him, we had some downtime to discuss something which had cropped up. After this, it was a little hard to get things back on track and when Sir told me what he wanted me to do, it became apparent that he hadn’t thought it through or planned it in as much detail as was required. My response, to ask him where and how he wanted me, only sought to highlight this lack of planning. On reflection I see that where I thought I was being submissive, I was actually being passive and that is a completely different thing. I looked to him to lead me and he faltered, lost confidence and the situation deteriorated quickly. When I saw how deflated and upset he looked I realised what I had done and was then able to draw on my inner submissive to help him to restore the situation. We spoke about it, him taking responsibility for his lack of planning and me acknowledging that my response had only compounded it and I told him what I thought I should have done as a submissive to help the situation. He asked if it would do it and I did. I had a brief internal struggle as, without divulging intimate details, this is not something I am comfortable with but something which I know he likes; he realised how much it meant for me to offer it. Suddenly he was back and so was his Dom. The loss of confidence left him the minute he saw that he had control again, even if I was the one to offer it back to him through my submission.
Looking back and talking this evening we realise that we made a number of mistakes and that somewhere in there we forgot to share responsibility for making things work. The positives that have come out of this are considerable in that we both see how and what we could and should have done. In one submissive act the dynamic was reset and we both learnt more about our roles and how we needed to draw on them to support one other.
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8 Replies
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I like how quickly you were able to get back on track without really leaving the moment.
I always learn from your posts. -
And it’s a great point you make about the shared responsibility… The D/s dynamic needs the sub to contribute just as much as the Dom and it’s something that can sometimes be easy to forget. Thank you for this gentle reminder.
HerSubject
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I loved reading this and learned so much from your post. I am fairly knew to this dynamic but I have noticed how this lesson has played out in my marriage in a more “vanilla” situation. Thank you for writing such a relatable yet personal account.
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Thank you playfulpet. I look forward to meeting you and speaking to you soon.
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Thank you so much for sharing this, it was something of an epiphany to me! I know I am very guilty of being “passive not submissive”, and your post really highlighted to me that I must take more responsibility for my own actions, and by doing so this will empower Sir to carry on when he may be faltering slightly. I think it is great that you talked about it and proffered what you felt you should have done, but didn’t, which helped you turn the situation around.
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Thanks for your comment Peggy Sub. I still sometimes find myself in a situation where I need to do more. I think in a relationship it would be lovely if we were always in tune but that isn’t the way things happen sometimes. We have recently experienced vanilla visits where our dynamic was tested and we came up with rituals and resets in order to try to help. Unfortunately even with that I can sometimes find myself in a position where I need to try to do more to give the power back. Last night was one such occasion and it took a long hard think until I backed down and took ownership of my submission and pushed it back into his hands. Sometimes even though it is what we want we can lose site of how much this dance requires of us. Sometimes we need to twirl alone around the room until our Sir gets up to take our hands.
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Live,Love,Laugh,Play,Scene…Real world,both being human…..Stumble…Re-boot,Repeat ❤️Curveysub
For us ,the more we grow together,Communicate Understand our D/s it allows us to STRIVE,to stay the course
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“Sometimes we need to twirl alone around the room until our Sir gets up to take our hands.”
I love that quote!!!
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