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subdrop/depression
I’m writing this in hopes of finding someone dealing with the same type of situation so I can learn from experience, on most days I am truly loving this D/s-M journey my Sir and I are on, however since starting this journey (only a few months ago) the highs are high, but the lows are lower than I’ve felt… My Sir is the love of my life, we have been together nearly 20 years, he is truly my best friend and we have a lot of fun together, my Sir has been suffering from low libido for a while now… when I first started showing my submission I thought it was positive for both of us, however, he has since told me he is feeling pressured… I’ve been trying to back off while being a more subtle submissive and told him that we can work through all of this, however I have felt rejected a few times and every time I seem to fall deeper into a depressive state (sub-drop), I really do not want to walk away from D/s however I’m worried about what I am doing to my mental health by hitting such lows. For many this is hard to understand but I am not normally a person who cries, however I’ve cried soo much in the last few months and both my Sir and I are caught by surprise every time, then he feels guilty becuase he feels he is doing this to me and I feel guilty for making him feel guilty…. I would appreciate all words of wisdom … my Sir says he will read what I send him, but will not do his own research and only went on husdom a few times and decided the site isn’t for him…. I hope it isn’t time for us to walk away from this dynamic, because when it feels right it is the most awesome powerful connection ever …
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10 Replies
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Oh April, my heart breaks reading this. Has he considered speaking with his doctor? I know sometimes that may be a hard discussion to have.
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I’m with goodgirl on this. I would suggest he talk with his doctor. It could be is hormone levels. My Sir was battling low testosterone levels. They were able to treat it and it has help tremendously With his libido. I know this can be hard to talk about with him but a simple physical with blood work might hold the key.
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Medication is the in part the reason, it is such a delicate balance…. Thank you for reading and responding ladies, I really appreciate it
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April, I agree with the ladies. Definitely have him speak with his doctor about the libido issue. The best way to feed Him and yourself might be to take the pressure and expectations off. Serve Him by being what He needs right now. When you introduce D/s into any relationship, there is a period of adjustment and I felt hi highs and super-lo lows too. I am not an emotional person, but I found that every emotion seemed heightened on both ends when we first started this. My Sir, who wanted this and was already a good Dom (without the title), doubted His ability to lead and doubted whether I really wanted this sometimes. Just give yourselves a break, enjoy each other and be there for each other. Also, see if He’s experiencing stress or insecurity in some other part of His life. That can definitely affect a blooming D/s. Hang in there and we are always here to listen!
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Thank you Arwen, the subport I receive on this site is amazing and that is why I decided to share what was happening here.
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Hi April! You said in the chat room earlier today that you thought maybe your Sir was getting excited about seeing the movie…maybe that will help changes thing around a little…men are more visual than women for the most part. I learned that the other night during “downtime” (i’m pretty new to all of this & that’s a new term for me). I was reading Mr. A something and he wanted me to show him instead. Hope it all works out for you and your Sir!
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Thanks princess pea, I am hoping that spark I saw in his eye is a sign of things to come
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April, I am going through much of the same feelings. I wonder about my husbands libido. I want sexual activity much more than he. He is the love of my life and my bestie. I was in love with our progress as well. But then he opened up. I once again heard that I was backing him into a corner. I was so upset, that I quit trying to progress. After about 3 days he finally talked and listened. I felt so ashamed that I had opened my self up to him, for him to not take any interest. He knew how much this journey meant to me. He felt if it didn’t work, our marriage would fail. He is only wanting to work on our relationship. Making us better. I feel that I am working on us and feeding him, but he isn’t wanting to work on feeding me by learning and executing his dominant side. He said working on us could take years. He asked me if I would still love him, even if. Of course I will. I want us to be strong. I want him to be strong. I just wish that I could see little instances where I felt he’s still with me on this journey. I am in what you call, sub- drop I suppose. It is hard for me to come to this site anymore, because it is so uplifting, and constantly urging me to want more. I just need to be still. I’ve decided to follow his lead. If he only wants to work in us…okay. I’m down with that. But as I told him, I would rather try to drop my hopes of having a D/s-M lifestyle now, then for years down the road, him decide that it isn’t for him. The feeling of neglect and utter disappointment will be to much for me to bear. So right now, I’m not sure where we are. If we even are on a path. I’m just trying to keep him happy, because his happiness means more to me than my own. Please now your not alone. Many of us go through tough patches. We all deal in our own way.
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Men want control. If you are doing the research and he is not, you are so far ahead of him on your understanding of what you want that he may feel he can not catch up. I had this same problem in the beginning. You have to leave what you have read behind and understand that your relationship is unique and not have expectations. You also have to unerstand that not all men are dominant and some that are have issues with “hurting” a woman that they have to get past and that is hard for them. I had to step back and understand that I loved him before I told him about my dark side (as I call it) and I let him know that I was there to support whatever decision he came to in regard to our bdsm relationship. Once I stopped talking about it or pressuring him to try, the more interested he became. You have to let him know you are there no matter what and just be supportive. It was when I had all but given up that he kicked everything into high gear. He may need medical treatment, but the biggest hit to a man’s ego is a woman that makes him feel as though he is lacking(whether intentional or not). I am not saying that you are doing any of this, but it was my mistakes and experiences. Letting him know that he is enough no matter what is important and then if he is truly dominant, he will rise to the occassion. Good luck and stay strong in your love.
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Wow, this is powerful. Thank you for the response. This is me/us. This is how our path has been. I am so far ahead. Now I have quit. I will follow his lead. I just wish he would do something that would clue me into if we are still on the path. I love him no matter what. It is the feeling that I have laid it all out there, and he has been so hesitant to pick up any pieces.
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