-
Sub..Resentment, anger, rebellion input/experiences
Defeating the old nature: Keeping ourselves in check.
Have you felt angry, resentful, rebellious, and not only slipping into “vanilla”, but so distressed as a sub that you felt like throwing in the towel? I suspect that most here have. I certainly have. Recently, I’ve experienced this a couple of times and tonight I had a breakthrough, while extremely simple and not noteworthy for some, my hope is that some will relate to this part of the journey.
As several of my fellow subbies have expressed in chat, I too have had a dramatic increase in my sex drive since Sir and I began the D/s-M lifestyle. His drive, while up for sure, hasn’t increased to the degree that mine has. Mine is insatiable at this stage.
Because of the loving, giving nature of my husband, he has pushed himself to fulfill my desires daily for months now, and realistically, it’s been far too taxing on him physically and mentally. He’s lost sleep MANY times in order to fulfill my desires, and that’s just NOT ok on an ongoing basis.
It becomes an obvious drain, and while we love the intimacy and connection that we have, any high level of function like this is bound to take its toll, and it has. It begins to effect not only what we do, but what we’re feeling while we do it.
While submitting consistently and doing what I am directed to do at any given time, I have KNOWN when he is into it and feels that sense of need and urgency and desire, and I’ve KNOWN when he is doing what he’s doing in order to bring me pleasure, even at his own expense. (He’s got to get up early and work long days and deal with needy people there all day too.)
This ended up causing me to not want to submit because I FELT it, I knew he was doing it for me, and when that’s the case, I’d rather it not be happening. If we’re not both 100% IN it, I don’t want it, regardless of how horny I’ve been. If I feel a lack of desire and engagement, I lose that desire very quickly.
That happened again last night. I knew before we got to the bedroom that he was too tired to be pleasing me. He really just needed to rest, but instead, he felt that he needed to leave me feeling loved and fulfilled. Instead of communicating his need for rest to me, he proceeded to direct me to do what he knows will bring me pleasure, and I knew at that point that it was either 1) submit and do it, or 2) have a draining, long, emotional discussion, (urgent DT, basically), at a time when he should already be sleeping, so I just went with it and did as he said.
I enjoyed the ways he penetrated me and other moments of it, for SURE, but for the most part I was feeling like a burden and was feeling upset with him that he hadn’t just asserted his Dom and said “Not tonight” before it ever even started.
We did have downtime on Sunday, and one of our established rules/rituals is that I will undress him when he gets home from work, upstairs in the bedroom, and get his shorts (whatever he’s going to wear until he showers) on him as we begin our evening.
As the day went on, prior to him arriving home this day (Monday), I was feeling pissed off, concerned, uncertain, vulnerable, rebellious, sarcastic, etc. .. I knew that this had to change, or we’d be jeopardizing our lifestyle, and I did not know how to solve the issue. If I’d done what my nature dictates, I’d have texted EVERY random and shitty thought that I had while attempting to process this issue, and so I grounded MYSELF from my cell phone all afternoon. LOL For real. I did.
The interesting and powerful discovery that I did have this evening was that, as I prepared for him to arrive home (any minute now at that point), I focused on his true intentions, his love for me, his reasons for all that he does and all he has been doing, how much he gives of himself to care for me, and I became EXTREMELY humbled and grateful (instead of crabby and snappy), I was able to greet him and undress & dress him and embrace him in true, sincere submission with nothing but love and gratitude in my heart. <3
THAT was a blessing. It blessed us both, and began our evening on the right note, in our roles, with love and acceptance of where we are right now, together.
Self talk, keeping ourselves in check, reminding ourselves of how much we have to be grateful for and how much our Sir gives of himself to make us happier in every aspect of life, and using self control, self discipline, and proper perspective can absolutely save both of us from very unnecessary division and potentially huge roadblocks.
We had an open, very, very honest discussion about what has been going on vs. how we really want and need things to be, for BOTH of us, on an ongoing basis. We made a lot of progress this evening, and yet again, grew together instead of apart.
I am very grateful and will continue to work on myself and my submission, regardless of what we may be facing on any given day.
If any of you have any input on this topic, I would love to hear from you.
HUGS <3 -
8 Replies
-
I should have added that he has ALWAYS stressed to me, way before our D/s-M days, that he never, EVER wants me to do anything that I’m against, sexually. So, I did feel that he was breaking his own rule! Grrrr :<
However, it was critical for me to understand how pure and loving his INTENTIONS are and have been, very consistently, and with his intent in mind, I could NOT be angry with him.
His heart is golden. <3 -
Awwww…. Dela, this is a wonderful post. I love the emotional honesty and I am glad that you and your Sir are growing closer through D/s-M.
I also think you and I have a lot in common. Looking forward to chatting with you more!
Staci -
Thanks, Staci! I look forward to it, too! <3
-
This is a wonderful post. I had a similar experience last night lol. I have been pushy with my Sir to be more dominant wanting him to go at my pace. But after reading and self reflection I realized I was wrong, that being push is not respectful. Great things come to those who wait. So I changed my attitude. Instead of being upset I was understanding that he had a long day and was tired. (He does manual labor so most week nights he is very tired) This morning I decided I would express my apologies by being his BJ alarm clock :). He loved it and I felt so much happier finding my pleasure through my submission and his pleasure.
-
That is so good to hear lady! Glad you have made some progress!
Smooches,
V
-
-
Dela, this is such a beautifully written and heartfelt post. I have also been feeling angry and resentful and slipping back into vanilla ways (mostly during the work week). You post was a timely reminder to focus on how much I have to be grateful for, including my Sir’s love for me and everything he does to ensure my happiness. LK’s chat on energy also fits in–and reminded me to bring positive energy to our d/s-m, not negative energy. Amazing what a shift in perspective can do for my mindset!
-
Thank you all for your responses and for sharing your experiences with this! ((((Hugs))))
The D/s-M lifestyle is more psychological than anything. Mental and emotional, with the physical being only an aspect of a much greater dynamic, so the psychological and emotional challenges we face can catch us off guard and unprepared. They have caught me that way at times, anyway. And so we learn. <3 -
I am new to this website, becuause i was in need of support and validation of my submission. This post has completely enlightened me. Given me so much stregnth and understand. Such a wonderfully written post. Thank you
Log in to reply.