-
Struggling to find our way
We started this journey almost a year ago. Well really I think we have always been on it. Being that Sir is my one and only partner he has always been the one to teach me my limits even when I didn’t realize he was doing it. It has been 19 years already and despite a wonderful and happy sex life I needed something different. I was the one who came to him asking to look at a D/S relationship. He wasn’t surprised by my request but wasn’t sure how to handle it at first. Together we started reading. I sent him some of my favorite books to read to see if he could get a better understanding of what I wanted. This seemed to catch his interest and so the research began. At first it was just playing. Eventually he approached me with a contract and we set some protocols. My training began and at first it was good. Then life got in the way and he became to busy to follow through on our contract. I started acting bratty to try to get him to notice and follow through. When he didn’t I became angry and disappointed. I just assumed he didn’t want to do this anymore that it was too much. All of this was leading up to a long business trip where we would be separated for a few months.
These separations have always been a challenge. We actually like spending time together and still miss each other a lot. Most of the other couples we know who go through it don’t seem to mind it as much. I asked Sir if we could take a break since my training period was over according to our contract. I know this hurt him because he felt as though it was his fault but really it was both of ours. I couldn’t take the constant disappointment I was feeling or the anxiety it was bringing and it was making our marriage rocky. Having now gone through the separation which was harder than any before it because we started this d/s lifestyle and seem to be joined even more closely. I managed to work through my the depression and loss. This kids kept me busy and I started doing things just for me.
Sir has since returned and we are trying to navigate our way again. I feel like we are starting over and don’t know where to begin. While he was away he shared with me that he needs this just as much as I do. I have tried to believe that but his actions are lacking. He has been back for a month and a half now and we still do not have a new contract or even verbal protocols. We have another month and a half before his next trip. I have tried to give him space and time to do these things but he has not. I am floundering with out them. I don’t know what to do or not to do. I never thought I would need someone to tell me what to do but I do. I run and manage our household and children all on my own most of the time and manage the major decisions because most times he is not here. I am that strong women who does it all but the truth is I’m just fooling myself. D/s has been a blessing and a curse! I need it and crave it now. He works so hard and is an amazing family man so I feel like such a burden asking for more. He wants to help with the house chores and children even though I have tried to tell him I can handle them if he could just take care of me. I see he is trying to do too much and yet I don’t know how not to need him less. We are still playing and have discussed this all in detail. Little by little I am getting more but sometimes I feel like throwing it all out the window. I feel like if I did that though we wouldn’t ever get it back and somehow we would each be missing a large part of ourselves.
How do you all handle the separations and bumps that keep coming up? How do your Doms handle the demands of work, kids and sub? Do you all have formal protocols? What happens when it can’t be a 24/7 lifestyle?
-
2 Replies
-
ahhh Cocoa…Heart ! I feel your post , Thank you for being so , Honest ! So , glad you found submrs !I will send you a PM too
For, us …..we have found out /Decided/ Learned nothing else can be as important as our D/sM..we control it , make it our own and what will work for us. We are married 25 + it has breathed Life into our marriage and as individuals. We still have no contract , few rules and in general always desire High protocol. Your and/Sirs D/s is what you decide it will be and when. Maybe ..re read Lks getting started again …might help .
If you truly both want it , You can Live Happily D/sm After,
Curvey
-
Cocoa,
Master and i have been where you have been. We still find ourselves there depending on the time of the year and our crazy work schedules. We fumble but have adapted to take certain rituals, protocols, and what we want to be high protocol or Gorean in our lives. Every time a new issue arises, we stumble. We have been married 22 years, and I felt like our marriage was ending because of this lifestyle and the high expectations i had of Master. I am learning to relax and keep moving. I am mess up all the time and Master does too. Don’t lose heart. If you both want it, then do it and work through the rough spots with no expectations on how it should be playing out.
Log in to reply.