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Struggling :(
The up and down and lack of consistency with Sir is literally killing me. It is making me grumpy, miserable and very bad tempered!
His lack of commitment and understanding are enough to drive me nuts but the fact he puts in little effort make me want to cry.This weekend was Sirs birthday and unfortunately my first practical exam at college. Because of this I treated him to a spa evening on Thursday, I presented him with the necklace I had had made of a woman kneeling naked, we had a chinese together Friday and I spent a small fortune on him. I went on Saturday to college and convinced my tutor to allow me to leave early if I revised and finished paperwork at home. I got home after a 2hour drive and after saying hello to Sir I finished my paperwork ready for the next day. Sir began telling me it was his birthday and I was sat working and what use was that. I finished the paperwork and asked if I could revise in the morning before leaving for my exam. He agreed. I helped with our guests for the evening.
The Sunday morning I got up and got into my uniform for college. I was feeling sick with nerves and had 2 hours to study before leaving for the 2 hour journey. He decided to leave me to look after my 2 sons so he could dig in the garden. My toddler is so demanding I couldn’t revise and in the end my mum insisted we leave for a coffee shop so I could have breakfast and revise for 20 minutes.
I was so stressed throughout my entire practical exam, I didn’t eat, drink or sit down for 5 hours and then drove 2 hours home in the wind, rain and fog.
I got home and had a bath (and both kids jumped in) and then Sir went out to run with the dog so I put the boys to bed. Sir made dinner and we went to bed. I still knelt despite feeling like my limbs would drop off.This morning comes and I woke up with a banging headache (in the middle of my exam a screen fell onto my head and shoulder) and I wrongly assumed he would take the kids to school (so that sparked an argument), when he got back he ignored me in the bedroom to go to the office. He has complained for weeks he couldn’t afford a day collar for me and then spent hundreds on Halloween stuff, when I mentioned this he ungraciously said he had ordered me a collar which feels totally like he did it because I wanted it not him.
He won’t research anything himself, I have to be able to research everything and tell him. I am exhausted. I find myself not being submissive despite my best efforts because I am trying to rile him to do his part too.I don’t know what to do, I am sick of this up and down all the time 🙁
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4 Replies
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Oh Obedientlyhis, i understand your pain. I am suffering in a similar way. My Sir has literally thrown my submission back at me saying he doesn’t need the hassle….still likes the easy sex though. I wish i had an answer for you but hopefully knowing you are not alone in your struggle will make it feel a little easier. It is a little overwhelming when everyone else seems to be making progress and one feels like you are going no steps forward 10 steps back. Wishing you strength and patience and if you ever wanna chat and B***h about it all I’m happy to listen. xx
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It’s so frustrating isn’t it? I think my Sir is also enjoying certain areas of being my Dom – I have told in no uncertain terms to pull his finger out or I will give up on us because this was meant to make us 🙁
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I may not be the best one for advice, but I have a similar experience. First try to look at how you both have been toward each other throughout your time together. Is D/s completely opposite? If so ttwd takes LOTS of time. This all starts with you. When you change your way of thinking, then doing, most things around you will follow suit. This takes the patience of a saint, lol.
For me, he said he would try. But I wasn’t seeing that. It was very hit or miss. Which lead to ups and way downs. When I realized that I can’t change him, only me, I started to do just that. I focused so much on myself and my reflection. When I started to stop re-acting, and just being, when I started to show respect to him for ALL things, my surroundings started to change. Things get lighter. Before he didn’t see IT as a gift. It was just me being weird, or going through a faze. Mine doesn’t research either. But he does read everything I send. Not all is regarding ttwd. Some is just a better way to be. Ladies, I have gotten to the point where I gave up. I knew who I was on the inside. I knew what I seen that I wanted for us in our relationship. It was the hardest and best thing that ever happened. I really focused on myself. Try reading The Proper Care and Feeding Of Husbands. I am now reading The Surrendered Wife. It is helping me immensely. If ttwd is truly meant for your relationship, it will happen. But only when you start with you. The very first advice I got from this site was from LK “Time to put your big girl pants on.”
Much love to you on your journey. -
Hi all
Sorry for my lack of contact but I have been doing my exams, planning my vow renewal and a holiday and everything has been totally pushed back. There has been no change. I have been trying to be submissive only to find he throws it at me. I am his sub as and when it suits him and only then. He doesn’t make time for me. I have spent the entire day naked and he isn’t interested. If it isn’t work it is facebook, or texting friends, watching TV or just generally not wanting to make any effort. I can be on my knees serving him and he will pull away and walk off to answer his phone. I have no respect from him and I am ashamed to say I have been meeting him match for match in arguments. I feel hurt and let down especially weeks before we renew our wedding vows.
I have to take a step back because whilst it is soppy I have to save a small part of me from breaking into tiny pieces everytime I go the extra mile and I am rebuffed.I appreciate all the advice however, thanks
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