-
Stereotypical sub vs Sir’s sub
I realized that I’ve been discouraging myself because I’m not natural at all things a stereotypical sub would do… kneeling, casting my eyes down, saying “yes, Sir” to everything, always sitting up straight with good posture, not being a screaming banshee during sex (lol), etc. It just doesn’t feel natural to me to always act like a “Anastasia Steele.” And I was mad whenever Sir didn’t correct me on things that I felt like should be corrected.
After my scene last night, I realized that I shouldn’t be focusing on acting like a stereotypical sub, I should focus on doing things that my Sir would like. So, yes I kneeled in the beginning, but I wasn’t very still and my eyes were playfully peeking up at him… which he liked. When he was spanking me and told me to count, I purposely paused in some moments because I knew he would spank me harder… which he liked. I didn’t always reply “yes, Sir”… but rather a “yes, Daddy, please, please, please!” And when I did say “yes, Sir” I had a huge grin on my face because I was beyond horny. I offered resistance during times because I wanted an opportunity to be “forced” into submission, if that makes sense. I guess you could say I enjoy the struggle. Needless to say, I was not lady-like at all last night, and my Sir liked it that way.
I think it’s easy to feel discouraged when you feel as if your not “perfect.” I was getting distracted by figuring out what things a submissive would do when turns out, just being myself was exactly what my Sir wanted. Of course, I should still be respectful, follow his direction, and be amenable to him… but I’m still going to be myself, too…. a naughty little good girl. 😉
-
3 Replies
-
Sounds like you had an amazing scene with your Sir!! It’s great that you recognize what’s been causing your discouragement. I can’t speak for all new subs, but I can say that for myself, I went through some of the same feelings until Sir and I sat in downtime and discussed it. I was very specific and had a list of things I felt a sub SHOULD do, but asked him if they were things he WANTED me to do. The biggest thing was lowering my eyes. I felt that by doing this I was showing him respect, but he said he saw it as a sign of weakness and he knew I was not weak. He always wants my eyes on him….and he likes seeing my reactions reflected in my eyes. That is another reason he doesn’t use a blindfold very much. In the middle of a scene or intense play session, I find myself closing my eyes to savor the sensations, and it never fails, he will quickly say to me, “Look at me!” I have to say it’s very hot to be looking your Dom in the eyes while he makes you cum! Our husbands love us and want US, not some made up persona that we THINK we should be. And definitely NOT Anastasia Steele. My Sir did not think she was a very good sub at all… Lol!! Sounds like you are beginning to embrace your sub… Good for you!! Sounds like your Sir LOVES the RL sub that you are. None of us are perfect, but we are perfect for our husDoms!! We just have to embrace the sub that WE are, not what everyone else is. So glad to see you back!! Have a great weekend!
-
That’s a GREAT realization to get to! When my Neo and I starting doing TTWD, we had a lot of discussion about what we both liked and wanted, and what we both wanted to get out of this dynamic. As he had been interested in D/s for a lot longer than I had looked into it, I asked what HE wanted at that time. Then, he gave me space to decide what I wanted, and we saw what came together. He and I both agreed that it’s OUR relationship, OUR choice… and WE make our own structure in this!
We focus on bedroom/sexual stuff, because we agreed the 24/7 dynamic just doesn’t do it for us at this time (though it bleeds into pretty much everything we do in subtle ways… we find that pretty fun, actually!). As I found out more on “standards” and “rules,” we would just continuously communicate as to what to do. For example, my Neo doesn’t EVER like to be called “Sir,” by anyone, least of all me! When we first moved South and our kids were growing up, it used to drive him nuts when kids called him “Sir”… he grew up on a farm, and the way he was raised, everyone did their equal share, kids and adults alike. Not to say he wasn’t taught respect (besides his upbringing, he WAS also in the USN for 6 years)… but it just does nothing for him, and to him it feels formal and distant; though I’m his submissive, he sees me as his partner – the one closest to him – which in his perspective doesn’t feel right to him. So, we’ve nixed on that (except I’ll call him my Sir here). Occasionally, when I’m being “bratty,” I’ll call him “Sir”… but it’s just that: from me, a bratty thing! I will nod my head and lower my head to acknowledge a command/direction (and send him a lips/kiss emoji in acknowledgement when he texts a command/direction to me). I also typically don’t kneel, but I will sit on a cushion on the floor at his feet for DT and sometimes when it’s just us talking or being together… and he doesn’t want me to lower my eyes, either. He actually LIKES me looking into his eyes… for talking AND for sex (especially when I’m cumming)! We read each other so well that way; so much better now than ever before!
The point is, though we know many of these things works for others, and they’re “standards,” we’ve agreed to make this dynamic our flavor of ice cream… because it’s about our relationship first and foremost! Believe me, we have plenty of other ways he shows his Dominance and I show submission (and I’ve had plenty of funishments to show for it! LOL). We’re CONSTANTLY checking in with each other, and we’re constantly fine tuning and evolving TTWD in the ways that works specifically to us. To me, that you’re both happy in your dynamic, within your relationship, is all that matters!
-
Thank you both for your response and encouragement! The great part about this dynamic is it changes and grows into whatever Sir and I want it to be. (: I’ll keep reminding myself not to aim to be the “perfect”/stereotypical sub, but rather keep talking to my Sir about what he likes. It’s always so good to hear how other’s dynamics are unique, too! Thanks!
Log in to reply.