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Speaking the same language in D/s-M
This week we are working on making our acts of domination and submission match our love languages. We did a book study at our church which emphasized this concept: the way that one person EXPRESSES LOVE might be very different from the way the other person PERCEIVES and FEELS LOVED.
We each took a quiz. My results said that what makes me feel loved, and therefore the way I express love is with Physical Touch (non-sexual) and Words of Affirmation. My Sir naturally shows his love with Acts of Service. So for instance, he told me “Your birthday always stresses me out, because I never know what to get you for a gift… But when I spend the weekend installing hardwood floors in the kitchen because you said you hated the tile, that’s the dead mouse I lay at your feet. That is me giving you my best efforts.”
So now I am trying to give him my submission in his preferred love language, because that is how he feels it the most profoundly. Similarly, he recognizes that I feel his dominance most through the small physical touches like holding my wrist or a possessive hand on the back of my neck. And since Words of Affirmation are my second highest category, hearing “Good Girl.” is guaranteed to make me melt.
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9 Replies
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I love this…What a great way for you to grow in your dynamic! Thanks for sharing!
Smooches,
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Staci, this is beautiful! I love it! <3
It’s so true that we each give, and perceive, the act of love in very different ways. Understanding what that means for our Sir and for ourselves is critical. Thank you for the awesome food for thought! I’ll be discussing this with Sir and will journal about it, as well.
And yet again, I see the similarity here. “Good girl” and the way that he places his hand on the back of my neck … those are very powerful and much needed.
Thank you for sharing this. Hugs!! -
Sir and I read that book together YEARS ago. I really think that “love languages” make a lot of sense and that you can use your Sir’s love language to feed his Dom. I also think that we need to reevaluate our own love language from time to time and discuss our findings during downtime. Thanks for the awesome reminder! Sir and I should take the quiz again as I am certain that the needs we had as newlyweds in our 20’s with no kids are a LOT different now that we are in our mid 30’s with 4 kids.
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My Sir and I took the quiz last night. His main love language was Words of Affirmation and mine was Quality Time. We laughed at the irony — I tend to be quiet and he tends to get distracted — how have we stayed together for 26 years? The quiz made me realize that I need to step up with my words of affirmation to him. He has already stepped up his efforts on quality time, especially with shutting off TV/phone and being present when we’re together.
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What a great idea! So many times it seems like we are speaking a different language when, in fact, it is really just a difference in how we perceive and what we value. Thanks for sharing!
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Love! It’s crazy how knowing how to love someone in there love language can make such a difference. I have the book on audio for the drive to work
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Staci,
Thanks so much for this post. It’s exactly what I needed today. We have been struggling with communication. We both THINK we are communicating, but there seems to be a disconnect sometimes. I have this book and am going to ask Sir for an extra downtime this week so we can discuss this ASAP! Thank you!!!
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Staci, I know this is a couple years old but it needs to be bumped up. Thanks Sweetpea for replying to it. That quiz is a great idea. I read that book long ago and I don’t think Sir ever has. Maybe I can convince him to take the quiz. “Speaking” each other’s love language is a great tool to have.
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I think the test can be taken online now!!🌺
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