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So what is it with spanking, anyway?
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I’m pretty new here. 43, divorced with kids, now in a committed relationship with D/s undertones but no formal request/acceptance of a D/s lifestyle yet. This is intentional on my part. I feel a commitment to a lifestyle requires more security in the relationship than “just dating” allows and that it would be premature, and likely bad for me emotionally, to start making promises about other things before we are at least engaged…(which I think will happen pretty soon.)
That said, since embracing a more D/s dynamic in the bedroom I have felt a definite shift toward “rightness” in the relationship, as if all of what we already wanted and what we were already trying to move toward is encapsulated there. What can I say, it just feels right!
That leads me to my spanking query! Sir and I only get to spend one long weekend together every other week. The other weeks we see each other regularly and talk all the time, but in-person meetings are much shorter stints and often with kids around. So I, emotionally, put a lot of stock in those long, together weekends. The prior two weekends to this last weekend were fantastic (not surprisingly, since we’ve really started exploring D/s in the bedroom in earnest).
But this last weekend, well, was not so much. From 4:00 Friday on, I felt our weekend had been hijacked by other people’s agendas and requests and we were just bouncing around, meeting up with this friend and that couple with hardly any time just for us. Now, in general, I’m a bit of a social butterfly, and I think Sir (more of an extroverted introvert, lol) thought he was helping me out with that, but what I REALLY wanted was just to hole up with him for about 24 hours. My fault for not saying so early! I definitely did not make that preference fully understood. And I was never actually ANGRY at him, but I was definitely frustrated.
By Sunday evening I found myself in a situation where I knew we were running out of time together, I was feeling semi-nauseated from all the restaurant food, exhausted from all the activity, and socially tired from being “on” for so many people. I was decidedly grumpy, though trying very hard not to show it with Sir.
At some point, probably about 8 PM Sunday night, I found myself wishing he would just give me a spanking so I could move on. **here is where my mind started to get a little blown, friends.** What does this even mean? I know I like spanking in play, I like a little (sometimes a lot of) pain with my pleasure, always have. I have a hard time in general with the idea of punishments in an adult relationship – I’m not a child and anyway, I never spanked my children, so it’s just never sat right with me for spanking to be used as a punishment. But I felt very clearly like I just wanted some intense physical attention with a little pain, which somehow seemed like it would help me wipe the slate clean and start over. Instead, I went into Monday morning still feeling out of sorts which led to an all day long Monday emotional hangover which we won’t get to fully resolve until the next time we can spend a real chunk of time alone.
I think all I needed was a good spanking, not as a punishment, but just to put things right somehow, and I honestly don’t know what to do with that thought.
That’s all. There’s literally no place else I’d be able to ask if this is normal but maybe I don’t care if it’s “normal” as long as I’m not the only one?
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8 Replies
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You are not the only one! In fact there is a term that is used for just that sort of spanking, a reset spanking. I can’t even begin to understand the psychology of it I just know that it is a true thing that sometimes we just need a good spanking to set everything right. Maybe it has something to do with stress relief? And it can be hard to ask for because we don’t completely understand it. Establishing good, honest communication helps. And at some point you sir may even see that it is something you need without having to ask.
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I know exactly what you mean! I crave those maintenance spankings. For me, it is the connection with my Sir, the pain, the release of the body chemicals reacting to the pleasure and pain, and the release of stress I feel. My Sir receives a similar release as he delivers the spanking to me. So it is a win-win! Often when he is home on a lunch break he will give me release and we both have a much more productive afternoon. We have had a few live chats on spankings! I hosted one a few months ago! There are MANY different positions you can receive a spanking, That adds some more fun to the process! LK also has written several articles that touch on spanking! Here is one: https://submrs.com/spankings
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Thank you both, ladies, this is really helpful. I love that there is such a thing as a “reset spanking” – I would not have had the words for that, but that is exactly what I found myself craving, a reset! Pearl, I think you’re right that it’s hard to ask for something when you don’t understand why you want it or why it works, but I trust that it will become easier with time.
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Great question Gazelle. The two ladies before said it best. You are not alone, I too need spankings just because. Because I feel out of sorts, because I feel stressed out, because my skin feels to tight. Whatever the reason being able to ask for and receive spankings sets my world right. I know there are amazing brain chemicals at play but for me knowing that it can settle me and allow me to think clearly is all I need.
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I concur! Sometimes I feel all out of sorts. I either need a spanking or to be tied up. For me, I hold everything so tightly that I need permission to release and let go. I fight emotions in general, and a good spanking gives me the ability to stop fighting.
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I just wanted to add what has already been wonderfully said. I sometimes just need that reset spanking.
I will hold everything in, because this is what I do. I handle so much and of everything and sometimes do not have the time to reset myself with a long yoga or emotional wipe. Even then, sometimes these are not enough. When I am with Sir though, I have permission to just feel, to not be in control and just feel. This will sometimes mean I have feelings I need to let go of (frustration, shame, longing). Sir can often read when I need something, but there are times I need to say something too. A spanking or a flogging are my resets. The thud and pain helps break the walls and corners I have been tucking these emotions into. Sir will remind me he is there to catch me when I fall and to just let go…and I do.
When we first started these resets, we would always some downtime right after to repair anything between Sir and myself (even if it was my fault) or just sometimes to share why I was feeling this “pain.” This was also very helpful.
May you enjoy your pain and pleasure in your future cummings! 🙂
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I think couples that have a “weekend warrior” dynamic.. or maybe just can only see each other sparingly need to practice reset spankings… When you need something to trigger you back into being his, nothing is better than him putting his hands on you in this way. It is therapeutic as well.
So, I would say…. when you need him in this way or when you start your weekend, do a ritual beginning a reset spank… kneel and downtime first… then ask him for what you need …
TOUCH..the only way a husDOM can….
Hope this helps!
LK
https://submrs.com/therapeutic-reset-spankings/
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I also need resets sometimes, even tho my HusDom rarely travels anymore. He can usually recognize when its needed before I do. And sometimes he will suggest a reset spanking when he knows it will be awhile before we can play again, like when going on a family trip. It puts us both in the right mindset. It reminds me of his dominance and ownership, and reminds him of his responsibility to care for ALL of me, including my mental health. We both get something out of it.
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