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Sir taking care of me and pushing
I’m not sure where to put this, but it was really important to me. So Sir Darces helped me find a new counselor a bit back. She pokes hard and she came upon the fact that a lot of my anxiety comes from fear of disappointing people. My folks always told me that I wasn’t allowed to leave the house if I couldn’t represent the family properly – dress properly, act properly, perform to win. If I ever made a mistake, it was pointed out – They would point out errors or losses with “What happened here?” In addition, my father considers trust a character flaw – he cheated at games, stacked the deck, skipped pages in stories to teach us that no one can be trusted. So, funny thing, I find trust hard, I am a perfectionist, and I’m terrified to go out in public for fear of embarrassing myself or my family in some way. I berate myself constantly in my head. There is never a kind word because I always see a flaw and need to do better. My counselor was trying an exercise, she wanted me to tell myself that I was proud of myself. I couldn’t even form the words in my head, let alone say them out loud. I share everything about my counseling with my Sir and he looked at me with such sadness this time.
So last night, as I was going to get Sir a glass of wine, he told me to stop. I was standing in front of the fireplace across the coffee table from him. He told me to open my robe. He started praising me, telling me how beautiful I was and I started fidgeting uncomfortably. “Stop Fidgeting!” I froze and he came and kneeled in front of me and just worshipped my body. He took me upstairs and made me cum three times. Then he held my hands over my head and told me to say “I’m proud of myself for cumming for you, Sir.” I was in utter panic. He just kept telling me that he was there for me, that he had me, that he loved me, and prompting me to say it. It kept sticking right where it always does – “I’m pr, I’m pr, I’m pr.” It took a good ten minutes of him petting, praising, and prompting me (all while slowly and torturously fucking me). I finally got the words out – broken and stuttering if they were. He made me cum right after and heaped praise on me. I sobbed so much, we were both just wet with tears.
The strongest thing that I now keep hearing in my head is him saying, “I’m so proud of you for being proud of yourself for this one moment!” and looking at me with such love and adoration.
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4 Replies
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Reading this just makes my heart melt. Good for you making it past that hurdle. Growing and trusting your Sir to help and hold you after. What a wonderful Sir you have. Thank you so much for sharing this special moment. 🤗💕
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Syrce, your post brought tears to my eyes. I think it is wonderful how much your Sir loves you and wants you to be the best you that you can be. Thank you for sharing this with us. I am still working on my love letter to myself and it is very hard to write. It is a work in progress. I have something written down and Sir and I are going to go over it this weekend. Trying to be positive about yourself, not just your body but you as a person as well, is very difficult. It is so easy to focus on the negative which puts me in the wrong headspace. I have to remember, Sir loves me for who and what I am. He supports me and if he pushes me on something, there is a good reason for it and I must maintain that trust. I need to love myself so I can better serve my Sir.
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Syrce, I know I’m responding 6 mos after your post but better late than never?!? Your comments about not making mistakes and being a perfectionist resonated with me. Although my parents always told me how much they loved me and how proud they were of me, I always knew that I was not the favorite child. My brother is clearly their favorite. I felt as though I was never good enough. Until my husDom. Like your sir, he is proud of me and loves me. I still struggle with feeling that I’m “good enough,” but I work on it everyday. There are a few things that I do to help show myself a little self-compassion. They have helped me and maybe you’ll find them helpful as well. First, I exercise every day during which I reflect on the things I do well as a sub and think of how I might improve. Second, I journal daily. There are 4 things I include in my journal: (1) summary of events of the day of note, (2) self coaching situations (i.e. what went wrong and what could I have done differently but there is no beating myself up), (3) what am I happy about or proud of and, finally, (4) the three things I’m grateful for. Reflecting on each of these has help me tremendously.
Syrce, it is clear that your Sir believes in you. Draw confidence and strength from him.
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subelk,
Love your journalling and I to get up and exercise and think about my day.. VERY important not to think about “mistakes” which I catch myself doing all the time. I also have the need to be perfect and do the perfect things. So, while you are exercising, make sure to think about the day ahead, the things you will do to be a real person, faults and all!
I was the unfavored adopted child myself… That hurt doesn’t go away but it should never control you… YOU CONTROL IT.
I feel you are in a good place with it! Proud of you girl!
HUGS!
LK
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