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Self Doubt, Support and the Journey of My Life
I have toyed with the idea of writing something for a while but wasn’t sure that I really had anything worth saying; my questions were already being answered on warren chat and I was learning so much from the blog and the other forum posts. It felt that my Sir and I were had finally found what we were looking for in D/s, and in the support and direction we were now receiving from https://submrs.com and https://husDom.com We really were running with it, which we all know is liable to lead to a fall at some point, or at the very least a strained muscle!
Our story is slightly different than many I have learnt about here where a number of couples have been together for a long time. We have both come from previous failed marriages and only moved in together in 2010. I was fiercely independent which I’d had to be. My ex was a complicated and difficult person with complex issues and the relationship was about meeting his needs; I had become more of a mother than a lover to him. I had been emotionally and physically rejected over a period of years and that had made me reluctant to let my defences down. So when this wonderful man came into my life telling me that he wanted me, sweeping me off my feet and making me feel sexy and safe for the first time in years, I have to say, I was pretty much his.
Looking back it’s funny; we knew nothing about D/s at the start but based our relationship around an agreement that all needs of the other (within reason) would be met, we would communicate issues openly and quickly with each other and discuss them to find a resolution, and we would explore our shared love of hot, kinky sex. Things were really good. After a few years we moved in together and it slowly became a bit more difficult with pressures placed on us by exes wielding a grudge and 7 children all with their owns needs and issues to deal with. It became more of a challenge to keep each other’s needs at the centre and switch from a hectic family and work life to finding time to devote to our relationship. After reading FSOG, like many others here, I felt certain that D/s was a dynamic which would fit and help us. We spoke about it and agreed to try. I read so much bdsm fiction that I had a pretty clear idea of what I wanted, consuming erotic literature as if my life depended on it. We shared ideas and tried to incorporate and adapt them to reality but sometimes it felt a bit unnatural and like we were just playing a role. We dipped in and out and it wasn’t until we got married in October, had a fantastic honeymoon where we spent a week entirely devoted to pleasing each other, that we agreed we’d try again and stick with it this time.
In April my Sir stumbled onto HusDom, suggested I came here, and it all fell into place. Prior to that we’d struggled to find a fit with our busy home and work lives. We’d embraced the concept but we weren’t young, or single. We didn’t live near Club Shadowlands and we certainly didn’t have other sub and Dom friends desperate to share their joy and help us along our journey. So it came as a bit of a revelation that there was another way. We could make it our own and provided we committed to it, it could work. So we began in earnest. We each read the blog posts and forums on both sites, we both chatted to other Doms and subs there and we moved from the bedroom to 24/7. We embraced if fully and it was fantastic. I fed his Dom and it grew really fast. It seemed that at last, we were where we wanted to be.
The last 7 weeks have been amazing and I am happier than I have ever been. It was all so exciting and was going so well that it came as a bit of a shock when I messed up and had a bit of a crisis about whether I was cut out for this lifestyle or not. Was I really a submissive? What happened, in short, is that I broke a rule and was to be punished. I’d been punished a number of times before and I had thought all was good, but when it actually happened this time, I found that he had moved things to a place that I did not expect. His instructions threw me and I became angry and anxious. I wasn’t frightened of the punishment but more that I wouldn’t want to be with him after it and that thought really scared me. Then I really messed up as I didn’t call downtime or yellow and it went downhill from there. I guess the point of this post is that a lot of people I’ve spoken to are frustrated that things aren’t moving fast enough. Patience is a word we rightly hear and read a lot but there may be some of you who, like me, find that things actually run ahead much more quickly than you are ready for. And then you still need patience but with yourself.
I spoke at length with Sir and we put steps in place to make sure we didn’t make the same mistake again, although I’m sure we’ll make many other different ones. My personal crisis was averted by chatting things through with LK and with three other friends I’ve made here and that has made all the difference (thank you girls). They were supportive and reassuring and one even laughed that with the number of hours I spent chatting on the site, there was no doubt that I was a sub! So I think my point is that we all get it wrong sometimes. When know you both lack experience it can make it hard to trust their judgement. On a previous occasion I had blindly followed an instruction to wear a butt plug to work for the day. 10 hours later I returned home, struggling to hold back the tears with my bum on fire! So I’d already learnt that sometimes Sir would get it wrong too. My mistake this time was not managing my concerns in a submissive way and not using the safeguards I have there to help me. Ultimately I realise that this sort of error was what meant in the past that we dipped in and out of our D/s, not being sure if it was for us when it went wrong. But the difference now is that we have people for both of us who will listen and talk and help us to see the path we want to be on. So I would encourage any of you who are worried or reluctant to talk to give it a go. I’m pretty certain that without it I might not still be on the most exciting, most rewarding and most fulfilling journey of my life.
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8 Replies
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MrsW, First thank you for your openness and honesty, this post is going to help a lot of the new submissive’s understand that D/s isn’t perfect and we all make mistakes. But it is a journey that is very rewarding, loving and intimate to you as well as your spouse/partner. It normal that we all think that reading Erotica, personal blogs and informational BDSM sites give us an upper hand to run in the beginning of our journey. But it really doesn’t and that patience is really golden. This site as well as husDom was designed by Mr Fox and LK to help the married couple understand how D/s is different in a marriage. And what they write is real because they live it everyday, in their home, online and devote their personal time to help others along their own journey. That vanilla hardships will get in the way and cause problems but that is when your dedication to wanting the lifestyle is tested. It’s up to you both to use the tools you have read about or asked other Dom’s/subs on chat what they may have done in a certain situation. Take all the knowledge and sit together and decide what you need to work on or change to make your journey the best it can be for you both. Subtastic post lady and a pleasure to read!
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Thank you so much LT for your kind words, wisdom and encouragement as usual, but also for taking the time to post a response. I was a bit nervous about posting so it is really nice to get a reply. I think that you may have put some tags on too so thanks as I wasn’t sure about that.
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I’m often inspired by your journey 🙂 Thanks for sharing it 🙂
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I can only echo what others have said and it’s a privilege to have insight into something so personal so as to help us. Patience I am finding is a virtue that is learned as much as any other skill.
I can only thank you for your openness because you’ve certainly helped me and my Sir (oh my God he actually wants me to call him Sir) over the past few days xx -
Thank you OH and Teacup. I appreciate your kind words. OH I am SO pleased for and for your Sir I’m really glad that things are moving along for you in a positive way.
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I’m so glad you posted and talked about it. It was weighing on you.
I appreciate everything you share and you are an inspiration to me.
I’m happy for the two of you. You both deserve it. -
MrsW… Thank you so much for all your kind words. I want to let you know what you just shared is so valuable to all the submissives here on the site. You went through some things and doubted yourself and maybe even your Sir but after talking found your way through things and grew so much from it.. Remember.. Life is a lesson… learn from it.. You have taught everyone something tonight and I thank you for that! HUGS! Always here for you! XOXOX LK
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Thanks LK. I do feel like I’ve grown. I thought I knew myself pretty well but in re-learning my response to a situation I am learning so much more about myself and that is making things easier. We have definitely also grown as a couple from this – stronger and closer. Feeling back on top – or technically on the bottom! 😀
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