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Ramblings of a single submissive part II: stop whining and get on with it
As established in my previous post, and from conversations with all you lovely subs on here, I am a single sub, newly introduced to D/s lifestyle and then left behind by the person who introduced me. Now, I can either sit around and sulk, or get on with it. Right now I’m doing a bit of both, which I think is fair enough. Feelings don’t heal the same way a broken bone does.
When someone leaves you or you leave someone, it feels lonely at first. In vanilla as well as D/s. I know the vanilla loneliness, but the D/s one is new to me. It’s astonishing how quickly you can become dependant on tasks and rules, and to have someone there to help you relax when you are stressed (”Get in your position, pet, with your blindfold on, and relax. I don’t want you stressing out”). Suddenly I find myself alone. Now what? Who to turn to? Answer: myself.
So I have decided to develop a voluntary split personality. I have to be my Dom to my submissive. I’m a work in progress as a person, and I don’t portray myself as a finished product towards others. I love to learn, have a curious nature, and my most respected friends are the ones who tell me when I do wrong. Having a Dom would mean I could continue developing, and have someone guide me and be proud of me when I progress.
My new Dom, You, has set out some tasks for my submissive, you. Tasks can be added or removed, if they are not working. Trial and error. Work in progress. But it had to be tasks that I wasn’t already following, e.g. no need to make it a task to keep my nails nice, because I already do. I printed out a calendar to make a note of which tasks have been done. This calendar is only for this purpose. No birthdays or plans are to be put in it. When I look at it, I want to be focused on just my submission, and not get distracted by the fact that I have to buy a birthday present for this person, or remember to wash my skirt for that event.
The tasks can sound very trivial, most are not particularly D/s. But I thought about what type of person I want to be, and work on that first. A lot of D/s tasks would remind me that I’m on my own, and that’s not the best approach at the moment. Practicing my kneeling is very D/s, but it’s also meditative, which is not unfamiliar to me.
Daily tasks
Compliment yourself (doesn’t have to be about looks. Can be a ”well done” compliment, or a personality compliment. But MEAN IT!)
Compliment other (because when you make someone smile you feel good, and spreading smiles is a wonderful thing)
Kneel by bedside before going to bed (you need to practice, so you can do it for longer when He finds His way in to your life)Other tasks
Gym twice weekly minimum (you lost the chubby girl, and you don’t want her back. But you don’t want to stop eating chocolate either, so no excuses)
Send a letter to someone every month. You love getting handwritten letters yourself, and letters should not need an occasion or holiday season
Skype with your family at least once a month. You are all equally bad at getting skype dates setup, so take the lead. Don’t miss out on talking with your family
Haircut every third month. Sounds like something every girl would want. And you do. But you hate paying for it, and usually just get it done twice a year. But your hair grows so fast, yet has tendency to fall, so it starts to look miskept after two months
Cook one new recipe every month. You love food and love to cook, but you hate only having yourself to cook for, and get stuck in the same old recipes. From now on you will cook one new recipe every month, and try and invite a friend over to sample it with you
Have personal playtime at least twice a month. This will sound strange to some, but you were never one to play much on your own. You thrive on human contact, and when playing on your own, you always seem to know where your hand is going. No element of surprise. And your previous toys never really seemed to cut it. But toys have evolved a whole lot, and you are to start exploring and putting that special cheeky smile on your face twice a monthThese are my to-do tasks. At some point I will need not-do-to rules as well, to get rid of bad habits. But at this stage I prefer to work on positive things, gain a little more selfrespect again, before feeling ready to tackle the issues that have to be dealt with. And my biggest issues require a counterpart to work with (trust, fear of abandonment etc).
That concludes the second part of my ramblings. More will follow. It’s very therapeutic for me to write it down and read it again, and I appreciate all the different perspectives all of you in here offer. Don’t be shy to disagree with me. I prefer honesty above all else.
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4 Replies
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I think this is a marvelous idea. How will you go about disciplining yourself when these rules are broken? How Will you hold yourself accountable? Perhaps you could even keep your rambling going by reporting back when needed as a way to help with your accountability.
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I did think about the punishments, if I failed on a task. And it was on my list of things to think about and have ready for when needed. I did not take in to account that I might fail before the list was ready…
Last night I went out for a couple of drinks, got home late, and forgot to kneel by my bed. As I woke up, this was the first thing that hit me. I had already failed on a task. I started thinking how to punish myself, and remembered reading the posts in here about different types of punishments the rest of you use. And when I read those, I quite liked the idea of having something taken from me; pocket money, cinema trip, sweets etc. As a grown woman (or man), it would feel somewhat humiliating to have something taken from you. You’re a grown person. To the rest of the world you should be able to do as you please and decide for yourself, and for me it resembles being grounded as a kid, no tv and so on.
So before getting up today, I decided to take away my chocolate for the weekend. It doesn’t sound like much, but I had some stuff brought over from back home that I can’t get here, and I had really looked forward to enjoying that during my weekend. I am very big on my chocolate, and gave it up for lent this year. Hated every single day of it. So to me, chocolate being taken away is a huge deal.
I can imagine physical punishments once I find a Dom, as well as being placed in a naughty corner, but I can’t really do too much physical punishment to myself, and sitting in the corner would not feel as humbling without someone else there to watch me, having eyes at me, or worse (well, perhaps better, since it’s punishment) having the eyes ignore you while you sit there.
Would happily listen to ideas of selfpunishment, if any of you can come up with some. We are all different, so what works for you might not work for me or others, but no doubt there will be ideas that I can implement.
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nameless you are definitely an inspiration! i’m trying very hard to be mindful of the little things. how i interact with others, the way i carry myself while in public, being extra polite, trying to keep my mind humble and my thoughts focused on what it means to be submissive. but sometimes i feel like it’s all for nothing when i really want to kneel at someone’s feet and have all of those things be for Him. like you, i have a task lists of goals that i have set for myself every day, centered around practicing positions, reading, exercising, feminine things for myself, much like your list. but the punishment aspect is brilliant. my problem is that i have a hard time holding myself to a punishment that is self derived, so i’m curious to see how you navigate this. i’ll definitely be taking notes!
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Curiouserandcuriouser, thank you for your reply. I’m glad to hear that someone is taking something from my ramblings! 🙂
I am having both success and failure at the moment. For the most part success. Had playtime this weekend, and I cooked a new recipe tonight. I managed to withstand the chocolate temptations over the weekend, but it was hard when some was offered to me. Luckily I had my mouth full of another snack, so I could say no without it being odd (me saying no to chocolate always raises an eyebrow, as I never go on a diet).
But last night I once again forgot to kneel. Had been in an hour long discussion with someone over text messaging, and was good and well annoyed and tired. So I just turned off the lights and went to sleep. This morning at work I was looking at my work calendar, which hides my D/s calendar inside (just printed out 2×6 month calendars on A4 paper and put them in a plastic folder, D/s calendar hiding in between my work calendar), and it hit me, I forgot to kneel last night! Then I looked over at my Starbucks grande skinny cappucino, and I said goodbye to another indulgence for the rest of the week. And it has to be all to-go coffee, as I live on a street that has an endless array of coffee shops on my way to work.
CC, I am sure you will find out what works for you in regards to punishments. We can’t stop growing and learning just because we are on our own. Even vanilla people have to move forward in life. We just use different tools to handle our learning process. You are welcome to write whenever you have set a punishment for yourself, and we can help check in on you, to make sure you are keeping it, if you think that will help in any way. Personally I find punishment easy enough, a lot easier than remembering to do the good things. But at some point I will learn. And yes, I REALLY want to just kneel beside someone and have Him be in charge of my punishments, but it will happen when it happens 🙂
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