Questions about balancing Marriage and D/s

[ssb]

Hi little miss,
I don’t think the D/s would affect your and your husband’s playfulness and affection toward each other. Also, you don’t have to set a lot of rules. For example, my Sir and I have 4 very simple rules that are enough for us to keep that D/s aspect. They help me to be more mindful, but in no way have they dampened our relationship. When we first started this journey, I wanted too much too fast and it became very overwhelming… long story short, it caused a huge fight. So we took a step back and re-evaluated our D/s. It’s about what works best for you as a couple…

As far as our day to day lives changing, I now have a list of tasks that my husband either texts to me or writes down that I complete before the end of the day… a lot of it is typical “chore” things like loading and unloading the dishwasher, but then he will throw in something fun like get a nap when our toddler naps (I like to nap), or send him a naughty pic of myself… just little things, but they are important to us. And it also helps me stay in a submissive mindset.

I hope this helps….

♡SSB

[lilkitten]

I would love to know what those 4 simple rules are sweet southern belle…If you want to share them with someone new like myself.

[ssb]

Hi Kitten,
Absolutely… But first let me say, these rules work for us and may not work for everyone… And please don’t laugh..
Ok..

1. I, the submissive, must address my Dominant respectfully, and in turn, He will address me in a respectful manner.

2. As my Sir’s submissive, I am not allowed to play with myself without His permission.

3. My Dominant will leave a list of tasks for me daily, and I am to complete them to the best of my ability.

Number 4 is a very private rule that touches on an old issue that happened between me and my Sir, it’s there as a reminder to us to not go back to a bad place we used to be in before we found D/s.

But that’s basically it. We talked about these in many down times and since our D/s has grown, the meanings of these rules has deepened (if that makes any sense)… Our respect. Communication, and love has grown..

I hope that helps.

Hugs lady and good luck…

SSB

[hisxiaomei]

I will say that in our first attempt at this lifestyle it totally affected our playfulness. I didn’t have the privilege of calling him by any of the silly nicknames we have for one another. I didn’t have the right to swat him on the butt like he did me. There was a line that was drawn. At first, I was so sexually stimulated by the roles we were playing that this didn’t phase me, but a year in and as things normalized I did notice. I had some hard time accepting it.

A lot of things went wrong, and we are renewing our commitment to this lifestyle and each other now. But, the playfulness isn’t returning. I think it is because we are in a 24/7 dynamic and we are always in our roles. If we had stepped into this more lightly then I think we’d have adjusted better and seen the landmines before we were on top of them.

In the end, I am glad we did it. It supports certain needs and development of a very intimate bond between us. But, we are changed by this. We can’t go back to where we were before it even when we slowed down to re-evaluate our situation.

I recommend:

Discipline: Adding Rules & Discipline To Your BDSM Relationship
by Lily Lloyd

this was a great resource to us.

best wishes,
xiaomei

[Unknown Member]

I’d love to read this book but I can’t find it on Amazon. Is it only available in the UK?