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Questions
Do you know what the lifestyle is?
What this lifestyle demands?
Demands from a Dom? a sub?LK
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58 Replies
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i know some of it, just what i’ve learned from Master and through my privet reading. i know above all else it requires a great amount of trust that is pushed further all the time and that the push is sometimes scary and sometimes hurts… but is well worth it. It also requires the kind of honesty and openness where one is laid completely bare, a dedication, a belief, a strength, a weakness, a willingness, a bond, an understanding, a desire, a training, a knowledge, a give and a take and lots, lots more…
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CAS 79….. There is so much to learn …. I hope you can find some answers here….
Have you asked your partner for the lifestyle?LK
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I feel a bit frustrated because it seems there are “rules”, and if you don’t follow them exactly then you aren’t a “real sub”. This kind of thing crops up in so many areas of life – competitive mothering, competitive nursing (I’m a nurse), now I have to deal with competitive subbing? I feel like my husband and I have defined our own relationship, our own limits, and what we have together between us can’t be measured against some pre-defined boxed rules.
I read something on Fetlife the other day in which someone said that if a sub works outside the home she isn’t a “real” sub. WTF? That is an extreme example, and one that I cannot abide by, but there are lesser examples. I just put my finger on them, but it is just a feeling I get when I read about it.
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I think each couple decides what works for them. Your D/s doesn’t have to, and shouldn’t, look like anyone else’s.
I would not worry about competing submissives…especially around LK’s site. Take what you what, use it or don’t. No competition, only support!!
We learn and grow…what works for some, certainly won’t for others. If you know you are submissive, then who cares what others think that should look like.
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Pookariah,
When someone makes a statement regarding being a “real” submissive or a “real” dominant I have learned from experience to disregard whatever it is that they say next. They clearly don’t have the knowledge or the experience to understand the magnitude of what they are saying.
I believe that you will find a wonderful group of like minded people at subMrs.com with diverse dynamics, circumstances and relationships.
D/s-M is about you… And your Sir…
Best wishes,
Mr. Fox
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Pookariah,
No competitive anything here… ever! NOT ON MY SITE. We all understand that everyone’s dynamic is different. There are key things that need to be done before beginning but after that foundation is set then you are free to make your D/s you own.
You read and learn and apply what works for you and your Sir. The rules you make together w/ your Sir…. Everyone on here is always sub-portive!
A lot of Fetlife are singles NOT D/s-M…..
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. . .whoops! I meant “just can’t put my finger on them”
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Ladies I take my submission seriously I practice at it 24/7 because I do not have children out home. I also believe in this code:
Mine
I own it. This beautiful thing, this slavery, this submission… I can permit someone else to taste it. Can give myself, body mind and spirit to another. And I can also know that I bring this energy to the table. When I own my submission, when I take responsibility for living in my authentic self, I become more fully…me.And that is a miracle. And that is a blessing.And that IS a gift. And when I give this gift to my Sir he will respect my gift and this is when we become as ONE.It is a solid bond between Dom/sub its a bond that only grows with patience, time and a lot of hard work. Its a bond that feeds each other and builds up confidence and trust. But it starts with honesty and communication There are rules but they are rules that are applied by your Dom. You make your D/s or D/s-M the way it works for you. Everyone is different and there are basic guidelines you start with but each couple make there D/s their own as they go. Rules for some don’t apply to all. If someone told me I wasn’t a sub because I didn’t follow a rule they believed I had to or I wasn’t a submissive I would laugh at them. I know who and what I am its inside me.
Lts♥ -
It’s makes me sad that people would tell someone they aren’t a true sub because they do *this* or *that*. Like Shygirl said, D/s is what you want it to be. Everyone’s preferences and limits will be different. Couples are at different stages of their lives, different things going on.
Like Lts, I also take my submission seriously, despite what is going on in life at the moment.
There is lots of information out there about D/s and in exploring them can figure out what is for you. These information sources are just simply that, information. They are by no means rules that determine whether or not you are “real”. -
After a significant time of thought and prayer about entering this lifestyle, in October I finally approached my husband. Although surprised he understood what I was offering him and our marriage. Our daily lives have become extremely vanilla. Honestly, I could see the toll it was taking on my husband. I have always believed the home was my turf. The Queen of her castle. I am the queen but I was not submitting to my King. Sadly, it was reverse. Accepting and realizing this was hard for me. During one of my prayful journaling times, I realized that I was not giving up anything. I was giving Him and our marriage a gift. When we sat down to write our agreement, I was shocked how much authority he desired and what I had been denying him. This makes me more excited for what lies ahead.
This lifestyle isn’t just about sex. We haven’t even played out a scene…. yet! 2 kids home and sometimes the 3rd one (who likes to stay up late) doesn’t make it easy! LOL But we believe we are living the lifestyle 24/7. I use to run our household. Remember, my turf. Now he has delegated me tasks. Calling Sir prior to making large purchases or transferring money to our daughter at college just because I want too, are now run through him. He respects me more now that I ask him and I am pleased to have him making these decisions. When he arrives home from anywhere (work, running errands, etc.) I stop what I am doing and I greet him with a passionate kiss. It also means that I am happy to see him safely home and that he is the only one I desire and I am his.
At our wedding we married the other person. Not ourselves. It is putting that person first in all that we do and say. I wish I could say that during our 21 year union I have upheld that thinking but unfortunately, I used words to inflict pain and gain control. As Dr. Phil would ask, “How is that working for ya?” Terrible.
This lifestyle is a gift to eachother. Nothing can defile the marial bed as long as it is consensual. Our love making has been re-ignited and thoughts of our first scene have us both excited. The mindset alone has been a “turn on” for both of us! It is sensual and intimate without even taking our clothes off.
I appreciate everyones sub-port and I look forward to hearing from my sub-sisters!
Group hug!
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Hi Moanalisa!
Congratulations on starting your magical journey (best way to put it). You’ll probably see that we have almost all been in the same boat. I was taught that the wife is in charge of the house and what you said really resonates with me. It made me bossy and controlling..ugh! We’ve been married almost 25 years and this last year and a half have been life-changing in the absolute very best way. I too love stopping everything to kiss my Sir when he walks in the door. You will have to let us know when you have your first scene. So exciting!
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Welcome Moanalisa…..
This world of D/s-M is fun and exciting … If its started with the right foundation then it will grow and flourish…
All the girls on my site are very sub-portive…. Ask questions and get out there on blog, forum, book clubs…. Oh..yeah.. register in the community to!LK
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Welcome MonaLisa…as you will see throughout Lks site there are so many of us starting out and absorbing all the information we can possibly get…We have a great time out here..The Sub-Port is incredible and these ladies are so wonderful.. Thank you for sharing your journey..I am fairly new on our journey also, 28 years together with my sir…and 3 children it was time for a change and my sir was willing to make it together. He is learning as am I and between LK and Mr.FOx we are well on our way… Join the banter and have fun!!
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Welcome Moanalisa! 🙂
I completely agree with you on how the mindset is so very important. And that the desire to control and organize things is a real killer. :/
You’ll find that everyone here is really nice and sub-portive! 🙂
Hugs!
LS
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Welcome Moanalisa:
What a lovely way to introduce yourself and congratulations. You will find lots of support here for the 24/7 lifestyle, and lots of pretty hot ideas for rituals and play. Have your Sir head over to Mr. Fox’s blog, HusDom. My Sir has picked up some great info there. Feel free to ask any question you have, and jump in to any of the forums LK and Mr. Fox have set up for us. Beware though, LK will make you spill juicy details!!!
LBP-
LBP,
LK seems to have quite the reputation for obtaining juicy details…
Best wishes,
Mr Fox
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Mr. Fox
Yes she does…and its all because she posts some crazy posts…leads us to juicy fun!!
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Sweetness,
Crazy posts indeed!
Sweetness… I think that you just like to spill…
Mr. Fox
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Mr Fox,
I plead the 5th!! Lol. -
Sweetness,
Did you mean to say that you “drank” the fifth?
Regards,
Mr Fox
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wait, who is drinking a fifth? Why did no one call me?
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Shhhh Mr. Fox don’t tell my secrets!!!
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ROFL….now I’m going to check all of Sweets posts….Sir is away tonight so I’ve got time 🙂
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Hello ladies,
My Husband and I are new to this, so we frequently run into questions about how to handle a specific situation the best way.
We have a busy life, with jobs and two small children. Therefore, some days we have a crazy schedule with too many things to do and too little time. I had one of these days the other day, and my Husband had been planning a scene, which he ended up canceling due to my mood. (I was very tired and not in the right mindset).
So we have been talking about how to deal with these situations. How do you deal with the “crazy days”? Are you always in the mood to play/have sex?/Do you always submit? Or do you have offdays? Maybe is it because my mind is not yet completely in the right place? Please give your thoughts and advise.
Another thing, can a sub take initiative to sex? Or is it always the Dom that has to do that?
Looking forward to your replies – thanks in advance 🙂
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Hi kitty cat,
I can’t answer your questions about the initiation of sex ‘rules’ as I’m new to this myself, but I can share that I have off days where my Sir has had to cancel our play due to my inability to leave life outside the door. When you are in one environment, ie all day in your home, it is particularly difficult. We are discussing finding a way to break this, by giving me some ‘me’ time after the kids have to bed.
I also find my cycle plays a part in my eagerness to play (tmi?) If you’re not taking a contraceptive you might find it easier to jump into play mid cycle rather than at the end of it.
Please pm me anytime. It’s great to see another mum with little ones.
Xox
Ps. Can you let me know if you find any magic answer?
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LK gave me some great advise. Go to your Sir, kneel give your submission and tell him you need to feel him, that you want him and to feel his strength. Works for me, and Sir loves me communicating my needs
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Hi, I’ve been nicknamed Kitten. My Master and I are both new to this lifestyle, though I’ve been curious for years. He and are also somewhat new to each other as well, though we’ve already made a commitment to be handfasted next September (we’re neither of us Christian). So, we’re both learning together, and he just found this site as well as HusDOM earlier. We both think it can be really helpful in our journey due to the level of support that is evident in the forums.
We’ve both been reading lots of stuff online, but it’s somewhat hard because I’m naturally shy and afraid to reach out to others. I’ve gotten some support from some of my friends, others have no idea what is going on, some think it’s “weird” & are uncomfortable (like my best friend and roomie). We’ve been experimenting with 24/7 and not-24/7 and are trying to find some middle ground.
How do you handle it when you’re ordered to do something that crosses a hard line that you never even knew you had? This hasn’t come up before, so it wasn’t something that I could tell Him was off-limits. Likewise, He’s had somethings come up that He couldn’t tell me until they came up because He didn’t know they were issues until that moment. As a result, though, it’s caused some major stress right before an important job interview for a potential career change. I want to cry because I know He doesn’t understand no matter how many times I try to explain. Have you any advice?
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Kitten,
I’m unsure how others handle this situation, but my Sir and I discussed from early on how I may find a limit at any time or my limits may change at any time. I try very hard to uphold my end of giving my all, even if I don’t want to. Lol. But we also use a two safeword system so that I can give warning and give him the option to push on or change his tactic or slow down a bit or simply help me through it. When we started, I sw’ed once because I was anxious and felt rushed by his plans for the evening. I regret it to this day. It set us back. I did it to prove I was still in control. I was ashamed when I realized what I’d done. Since then, I vowed never to use it lightly, but Sir also noticed the setback and he seems to now pride himself on reading me well enough to push me past where I thought possible and stopping just shy of my true limits. Some days that can be farther than others since emotional health plays a huge role for me. So, I guess my basic feedback is that certain limits are a bit fluid within my particular dynamic, but it works because of our level of communication. Anything that is so new that I might balk he usually warns me of (or at least in part) beforehand, and we both understand that our dynamic is always growing and changing and that comes with challenges along the way. -
Thank you. Emotional health is a big thing for me, and he usually is very good at reading me. Just not this time. Usually, it’s the tech stuff (apples versus PCs, gadgets- we’re both IT professionals) that causes communication breakdowns, not this side of our lives.
I have an important job interview at 3 for a financial firm; I’m looking into changing careers and this is the second interview. I was ordered to wear the chains and lock on my piercings and to go without underwear. He was willing to compromise on the bra as it also helps protect the new piercing. The panties are a hard limit, though- preventing wet spots on the back of my dress and jingling of chains hanging from piercings in a formal, business, professional 2nd interview is kind of important. I tried to explain it to him because the underwear is a very hard limit in this situation, and we had already agreed that the D/S wouldn’t be applied to job interviews or work in a business professional environment. So I’m feeling let down that he changed the rules, which could jeopardize my chances at this position that I want (being unemployed stinks!), and I feel like I’m letting him down ebcause this is a hard limit that just came up today that wasn’t an issue based on our previous discussion. I want to cry because I ended up safewording on this when it never should have been an issue. 🙁 So I’m at a loss of what to do now.
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Hi Kitten-
How did your interview go? And how did you and your Sir resolve the conflict over your attire?? From your comment I gathered that you both had previously agreed D/s rules would not be in effect in a professional setting and yet the rules had changed? If so, downtime between the two of you is definitely in order. I often find writing my thoughts and feelings in a difficult situation helps me gain clarity before bringing them to Sir.Good luck and keep us posted – hope the job worked out for you!
june-
Hi june,
We’ve been working on the downtime, and it seems to be helping. A lot! And it helps to write, so we sometimes will email or text our thoughts because the email gives me time to think about what I want to say, organize it for coherency, and get it out there while it also gives him time to think about what I’m saying and figure out how to reply. And it works the other way, too- it gives me time to NOT react to what he’s saying but think about it and really understand it before I reply.
This, it’s something we both want and it kind of is moving gradually towards 24/7 without either of us realizing it or living together yet. Then, one of us realizes it and says/does something so the other realizes, and then we have issues because one or the other will be picking it apart and making things not work right. It’s a toss-up as to which of us it will be who does the picking apart and over-analyzing because we both do it, though, so we’ve been using writing to help us get past it. The downtime also helps with that because it lets us talk honestly and openly.
So for the last week, it’s been easier to be both “me” as I am and Kitten at the same time without causing issues or getting stressed out. The talking more lets Master know when I get confused at the rules changing or if I’m getting stressed because he’s pushing too far for more than I’m ready for, considering we don’t live in the same house (yet).
The other side-effect is that the relationship that we’re both learning in is reall bringing out the Dom side of Master (yumminess!) which is causing some alpha male issues between Master and my friend J (I live with him and his wife, my best friend, Jess), even though Master doens’t live here. It’s just in the way he carries and presents himself, which he doesn’t realize, which sets J off… So the downtime helps there, too, because I can tell him what I’m being told and we can try to resolve the issues without it being a power struggle since Jess and I are the ones caught in the middle.
As far as attire, we’ve agreed that the boundary will be no D/s during court (I set off the metal detectors with a chain lol) or work, BUT the work is negotiable if we discuss it during downtime before the day. So things like wearing the nipple chain -might- be ok because I can set it inside the bra and be fine and not jingle but the heavy chains or bells might be out for being too obvious. Master says he understands my concerns when we talked about it during the downtime and said he hadn’t thought about them. We’re both learning, so he pointed out that I need to be patient with him because he may not always know/realize things like that, but when we talked, he understood my need to have him think like that and remember to think clearly because, honestly, I don’t if I’m in that headspace. So the attire has been resolved. 🙂 And the communication is one we’re actively working on.
I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I went for what I was told would be a third interview with the hiring manager on Tuesday, but ummmmm….. They extended the conditional offer to me then and there. 🙂 I signed, and providing my background and drug checks come back clean (they will) and the credit check is good (they know about my credit issues and can work with them), I can start as soon as I have the health and life insurance license. Since that test is in 2 weeks, I’ve been studying pretty much non-stop- parts are complicated (insured cross-buy buy-sell life insurance–huh??????). But once I do that, I can start the training to become a financial advisor, including working on my Series 6 and Series 63 (buy/sell and move mutual funds). 🙂 YAY!-
Congrats!!
LK
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Thanks! 😀
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So interesting how you do the emailing, my Sir and I do that a lot too I find the same thing, he hears me and I can really think about what I want to say and how to express what I’m feeling without all the emotion getting into it. It works so much better since we started doing things that way 4 almost 5 yrs ago, even though we are only a couple months into the Ds lifestyle. We actually haven’t even yet had an official downtime.
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June, this so hits home with me. I was never able to fully express sexual desires and wants and goodness sake never a need I was too shy and had so many issues I was fighting against with my submission. It wasn’t until my sir had us download an app called cover me which is like a text app that is protected and he set it up so in the begging game he would ask me one or more questions a day. The rules were clear. It was a safe place to talk about it and no judgement I had to always be honest. It worked!!! After several months it was easier even to talk face to face and now we just use app to communicate and send naughty pics (they don’t go into photos) to keep spice up during day 👏 we learned a lot during that period and it is what lead to our 24/7 because I could take my time and answer things without pressure and without being embarrassed. We have come a long way now that I write all this down but honestly this has been the first time in my life I can be open with another about my fantasies and sexually desires and not feel bad about them or confused
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I have a question: what are the differences between being a submissive and being a slave?
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Great question, GL! After taking a BDSM quiz and my results showing I was 100% slave and 81% submissive, it got me to wondering at the differences too. Coincidentally, my Sir took the same quiz and scored 100% Master, 88% Dom…LOL.
After reading several articles, it is my understanding that while all slaves are submissives, not all submissives are slaves. It has to do with the degree of power/control a person is willing to give over to the Dom/Master. A sub chooses to submit to her Dom with each act or task while a slave gives all choice to her Master once she agrees to become His slave. For D/s, there is a power exchange agreed upon by both parties. With a M/s, it is a total power exchange. Once the slave gives over power and control to the Master, it is total. There are less limits for the slave. Some articles have implied a slave has no safe word because the power exchange is on a much greater scale. That would definitely put the burden of safety even more squarely on the shoulders of the Master who would really, truly know what his slave could and couldn’t take during play.
Again, this is my basic understanding of the difference and by no means am I an expert. Google “difference between slave and submissive” – you’ll get a good hit on articles and can start sorting it out from there. An article I read a few months ago (wish I could remember where I read it) had really good terms and definitions for beginners in the lifestyle.
If you look in the forum, there is an Information Section on BDSM by Lt. While there is a ton of information to digest, it might help you better understand the differences.
xoxo
june -
Found this and it sums it up better than I did…lol
When you put a slave and a submissive side by side you notice the one major difference. The choice or freedom to say yes/no. A slave by meaning has no rights nor no voice in what is done to them. While a submissive still wanting to please like a slave, still has thier LIMITs and will say NO to certain things.
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June,
That really helps, thanks! I will discuss this with my Sir at our next downtime.-
You’re welcome! From a personal perspective, I would not feel 100% comfortable with giving up my right to submit. A submissive retains some power bc she is always making the choice to surrender herself. (Not to imply a sub can’t be male, just using traditional gender pronouns for the sake of convenience lol) And I think in the beginning of these types of relationships, going D/s before M/s is probably a bit easier because the D/s dynamic requires more two-way communication between parties in terms of soft/hard limits, safe words, etc. I can see how a well defined, well established D/s dynamic could naturally progress into M/s.
As always, just my two cents though…lol
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Great thread <3 very informative and challenging <3
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Hi I have a question. I’ve been doing quite a bit of reading online and I thought I had D/s pretty figured out but I almost feel like I’ve read too much now and confused myself! Lol I keep coming across DD (domestic discipline) or CDD (Christian domestic discipline). How is this different from a D/s relationship? Is D/s more theatrical with all the cuffs and chains but DD more bare bones? I gather there’s not really the idea of service in DD but there is often a list of ground rules like in D/s. I also came across another lifestyle movement called Taken in Hand. I’m not sure how this differs but the site I was reading was adamant they were different to DD. I’d just like to be able to understand all the information so me and my husband can discuss it without feeling do confused 🙂
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Apologies for previously posting links.
I googled a little about Domestic Discipline and Taken in Hand.
It would seem with Domestic Discipline that once consent is given to enter this type of relationship there is no safe word (on some sites it was called a get-out-of-jail-free card) as the husband has the final say over the discipline and the level thereof and the wife cannot retract her consent for that particular situation as the consent is universal.
I’m also not sure that Domestic Discipline involves the sexual part of D/s or even the Dominant/submissive part beyond certain expected tasks/behaviour or whether it only extends to the discipline part when the rules are broken.I’m struggling a little to understand the whole Taken in Hand thing. Again, a quick google search is my only point of reference.
It seems that the husband wears the pants in the relationship and his wife wants him to. It seems that the husbands do not claim to be dominant (although their wives may refer to them as such)and they enjoy dominating and submitting their wives to maintain the position of “wearing the trousers” and for pure fun.
The wives may not claim to be submissive (although they may very well be seen that way by their husbands) although they want and “allow” (I have no idea what word to use here) their husbands to “wear the trousers in the relationship”.
From my quick research it seems that the TiH folks feel that in BDSM relationships the Dom is dominant by force (not consent) and the sub grits her teeth and obeys without choice.
One statement stood out to me: “Neither spouse is a self-absorbed narcissist.”I haven’t experienced this in BDSM relationships, although I’m sure that there are some like that, but it has always been my understanding that trust is foundational. There is no trust with narcissists.
I feel with TiH it is a little like potato and potahto and it seems very much like a bdsm relationship within marriage/committed relationship.
DISCLAIMER: Google is my only point of ref and I may be completely off base here :p
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I am not an expert. I have done a lot of research on both Domestic Discipline (DD) and Taken In Hand (TiH) and we encorporated DD into our D/s relationship very early on.
Domestic Discipline and Taken in Hand are very similar. In DD either partner can take either role – Head of Household (HoH) and submissive. DD focuses more on discipline, following the agreed upon roles and rules; sex is better because the relationship is improved but it’s still typically vanilla and is not really talked about on DD forums. Taken in Hand is a specifically male lead relationship, the female partner doesn’t typically consider herself submissive but can temporarily (and happily) become submissive in response to his dominance. A TiH relationship is sexually charged because of his dominance and her response to that. Both are about establishing order, leadership, and support in a marriage or LTR. Rules are agree upon. The HoH sets the example. The submissive partner (or TiH) is punished if a rule is broken by agree upon methods (not always corporal), and if the HoH breaks a rule the HoH apologizes and does something to make amends. Both typically incorporate spanking for punishment, maintenance and/or stress relief. The use of safe words is generally not used (or allowed) because a punishment wouldn’t be effective if the sub could safe word their way out of it and a punishment is supposed to be just at or above the subs tolerance; maintenance and stress relief spankings are typically lighter so a safe word wouldn’t be needed.
Both are a flavor of D/s because there is a dominant partner and a submissive (subordinate) partner. But the DD & TiH communities typically view D/s as BDSM (e.g. bondage, flogging, pain, humiliation), very sexually focused and less relationship focused. I think Doms are viewed as more controlling and subs as more subservient, the typical media portrayal.
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This is not my first D/s Relationship but new with husband and married life. I was a Sub for a man, lets just say many moons ago.Now in present day I am married with Three children. After 7 years of marriage I felt something missing with my husband. I was afraid to tell him. I know the stigma and Taboo that this life holds. So on a long car trip across country to see family we spoke openly I think for the first time about our past relationships. When I spoke of my past with my Dom he was taken back and concerned, after listing to me something clicked in him and he approached me about having a D/s arrangement. My only concern is the children. We have three, one is moving from toddler to Child and is always popping up in our bed unexpectedly and kills everything.
I know that this is the life I need and want with my husband but how does one conform with children?-
Deepseazsweetheart,
My HusDom and I have not been in the life style overly long. However we do have a kid and are 24/7 so maybe some of what we have worked out for us might help you forge a starting path.
Both of us work full time. We do not have the same off days (sadly). He works until almost 9pm so we only have a 1 hr window on his work days for “fun” most times.
We have a 10 yr old. He is autistic with sever ADHD so it’s like having 3 kids in one lol. He also has a strange separation anxiety so if we close our door he tends to worry and knock every 5 minutes or so once he notices it’s closed.
As for the sex aspect of our D/s dynamic, we enjoy at least one fun sexual thing every night, even if we don’t actually have sex. We don’t do the ‘heavy’ scenes unless he is at a friends for sleepover or grandmas (cuz I can’t be quiet if it’s heavy). But we do still have fun scenes after he goes to bed, and still even able to incorporate impact play as well (I just can’t be too loud or the gag comes out!)
When it comes to the other portions of our dynamic (punishments/rewards/rituals/etc) we keep them just under the radar for most that wouldn’t be noticed by our son. If Sir punishes me he waits until our son is in bed if it’s physical, if not tho it’s more subtle things like taking away my favorite hobby for a set period of time, making me do a house chore I hate, orgasm denial, I’m not allowed to touch him for set amount of time, and so on.
We have our set rituals also. I call him every morning on his way to work and talk with him until he arrives. When Sir comes home I stop what I’m doing and meet him at the door with a kiss but if son isn’t home then Sir is met with a kiss and the remote to my remote vibe (his favorite toy) every time. At bed time I stand by the bed with my hands clasped behind my back and wait for him to tell me where he wants me or time to get in bed. I write a journal entry daily about the day/night before, and Sir reads it before the end of the day and we talk about it after dinner. And we have a few more.
When we are in public/with family, I call him Sir still or by his actual name (since we have been married 11 yrs before we started the life style and it’s just weird to us for me not to) and he calls me by my name mostly (family) or thrall(in public in general).
I hope maybe some of this helps you out. We kinda winged it with the kid for the most part until we figured out a good flow that worked for us.
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Amber,
thank you for the reach out ….Stay Home Doms/Dads ROCK ! Cheers ..that your guys are doing what works for you 🙂
My share …question..to share more …:-)
I have a traveling Sir so , we work hard on some type of “passing the torch/control” back to Sir. Maybe something like that can work for y’all…just something Big or little that lets Sir know your home, he is in leader,Dom. I understand the special children but, Im sure his Dom /Husband want to take care of you too ! Why don’t you want hime to ?Parents with any children I think …need date night, some just y’all time …Can you reach out for some help for a few hours. MMM Maybe even get them to bed …have a late night date ? Ages of your children ?
What an mazing man,Hus/Dom you have to be at home Hus/Dom with special children 3 ! WOW ! I would for sure be creative on how to give him some extra TLC …breaks for that role. OOO get him a massage booked, give hime a coupon (hand made ) Dom night out with his friends, ……
So , glad you found sub/Mrs is your Sir on Hus/Dom ?
Sub – On ,
Curvey …you can always PM me 😉
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