Punishment & Mindset

[Unknown Member]

Sottomesso I’ve been with me Sir for 33 yrs, married 28 yrs and have been in D/s-M for 7 months.
When my Sir and I first started in our D/s I had the same response you did…(Why are you punishing me? I wasn’t wrong…I’m not a child.. I’m an adult and so on…I had to have the last word and the angry I got until Sir said Stop.) This was a natural reaction because we would do this in our vanilla life. When I settled down and though about Why I asked my husband to try out this lifestyle and this journey. I realized I gave him the control to punishment me for my infractions and that I wanted this lifestyle more than breathing and punishment is part of it. After my first punishment and after I calmed down my Sir sat down and explained to me in a calm manor the rule that I broke and why I got punished. I than realized that Sir was correct and I was wrong for what I did. Now…before I’m punished Sir will explain why I’m going to be punished and may punish than or may let me think about it and ask me if what I had done to make him punish me. But I have learnt to hold my tongue and that my Sir would not hurt or punish me for his enjoyment only. It hurts me more just knowing that I let him down and that I’m not the submissive that he deserves. Because I didn’t do my part to be the best that I know I can be in my role. We learn from our mistakes and grow stronger from them as a unit. Together as one!

Hope this helps you understand what you did is natural and your response was a normal reaction.
Roadreunner♥

[little-sotto]

Thank you roadrunner. By the next morning it was all fine and it was a real turning point for us. Sir took on a more dominant stance and I stopped arguing and dealt with the punishment. I was mostly angry because I wanted to argue but I knew saying anything more then what I already had said was just going to get me in so much more trouble. I appreciate your response and sharing your experience with this.

-Sotto

[littledrakon]

I called Husband an overbearing a**hole during a punishment spanking once. I was pissed! I felt that he was being too harsh on me. In all reality, he wasn’t. He was giving punishment that was within his ‘rights’ to give to me, a punishment that I had agreed to well beforehand. It took until the next evening for me to cool off and not be mad anymore. Was the punishment deserved? Yep. But I was still mad at being punished because I was mad at the whole situation that I had gotten myself into, and I didn’t want to bear the brunt of my own anger.

[Unknown Member]

Not sure if this goes here or not but I’ll type it anyway. I have a problem that I believe is going to get me a good punishment/spanking before long. (eek) “Beautiful loves her spankings but only when Master is happy!” It has been a problem since before we started our D/s journey. I like to say I”m sorry! Sounds nice enough right. WRONG! I do this compulsively. To the point it erks ME and I sometimes can’t stop. I’ve always felt the need to say “I’m sorry” anytime anyone is upset even if it’s isn’t my fault. Example: My son needed me to pick up a few thing for him at the store that he would paying for. He did not remember to give me the money now my son is 18 almost 19 soon so keep this in mind of his behavior. =) He got pissed off and was mad about it “pitched a bitch” so to speak, I instantly started to apologize to him, I was so upset that he was upset. Sir yelled at me LOUDLY (which rarely happens btw) and was very pissed himself in his tone. He sent me off to other room as he took care of the boy’s behavior. But, next it was my turn! Now this little story took place before the new life mind you but just the same I get it. Sir was even more upset with me. The boy is still learning his place in life and had his “I’m 18 chip on his shoulder” to show off. So not sure if you can see clearly my problem this is something that I have been trying very hard to over come but I still slip more so than not. I’d love to say just sometimes this happens, but this behavior has become so ingrained in me it’s very difficult habit to break. I have always felt the need to be sorry for any bad feelings, wrong doings, and any other negative emotion tossed in a room. I will take blame when it’s not mine to take. Has anyone else struggled/struggling with this sort of problem? If so any thoughts? =0)

[dg-darling-girl]

Hi Beautiful,
My Liege and I are just beginning this amazing transformation…not even a week into it and it is wonderful.

I could not believe your post on the “I’m sorry for everything” issue! My Liege (we love Game of Thrones, hence his name) and I were talking about this same problem…I even apologize to our dog when she gets in MY way. It is almost as bad as how often my kids can say “like” in one sentence!!!

My Liege has always told me I don’t need to say I’m sorry for every little thing. It does not bother him but we both know that it is a blow to my self confidence and self worth to always feel that I am responsible to apologize to everyone for everything. I’m afraid there is a lot of past issues that have contributed.. but seriously, our dog only hears “blah, blah, blah” anyway.

I am a very compassionate person. I want to help people and being polite and kind is one of my greatest qualities but
I do want to break this habit. It serves no real purpose…I must say it at least 50 times a day also!!

My Liege and I have talked about how to go about it. That’s where we need some help. It has not become a written rule..yet. I am keeping track of how often I say I’m sorry as a start. He would like me to limit myself to when it
matters.

Training is a great idea and i am already catching myself. Unfortunately I usually say “I’m sorry” for saying it in the first place!?! Along with some type of training should there be rewards and/or punishments?

Any ideas on this would be so appreciated.
Thanks for reading this if you we’re able to make it through my dissertation. Right here is where I would say it…but I will restrain myself and just say it out loud. 🙂

[master-grey]

MyLiegesDG,

I happened to be on and saw this before My Beautiful was so I’d be glad to tell you how we worked on this problem.
First of all Beautiful HAD to understand that unless I have told her to apologize then no apology is ever needed. At the beginning of breaking this habit EVERYTIME that I would hear her say “I’m sorry” to anything/anyone I would stop her and make her apologize to herself and then forgive herself for her mistake. I also made sure that she understood what saying “I’m sorry” means. Even when Beautiful needs to apologize for something she is never “sorry” anymore.

As far as punishment…there were a few times especially in the first few weeks that I would have to punish her for repeatedly saying “I’m sorry”. There were just times when she got nervous or frustrated or just downright tired that she would lose her focus. When that happened I would take her into our room, and would have her bend over my knee and spank her. I would make her apologize to herself and forgive herself I would also remind her during the spankings that she wasn’t allowed to apologize, feel guilty, ashamed, or embarrassed unless I told her she should.

After a few minutes of that I would sit her down, have her lay her head on my lap while I would explain again why it was so important for her to beat this habit, how good she was doing at beating this habit, and how much I loved her.

Beautiful has came along way in a short time. I hope some of this helps you to beat your habit as well.

Best wishes,

MG

[nice-girl]

I think it shows you have bucket loads of empathy Beautiful, a lovely quality. It would seem that you might be taking it too far though. How is progressing?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Unknown Member]

It is coming along nicely Nice Girl Thanks for asking I still slip some but not 50 times a day. I doesn’t take much more than a look now if I do slip up and I have been catching it more myself so Master Grey doesn’t have to so much. I’m much much more aware of this behavior now. I will fix it the rest of the way with Master Grey’s “re-programing” training. Thank you Master for taking the time to help me correct this problem I love you! =0)

[master-grey]

You are most welcome Beautiful. Your progress is coming along nicely.

There are many people that have similar problems, not just women or submissive women. I’ve found that many of these issues can be traced back to childhood. In My Beautiful’s case it started with her parents. Details aren’t vital to the story on this forum, but what is vital is that people learn to recognize similar symptoms and try to get support to conquer them.

With love, friendship, and OPEN communication there isn’t a problem that can’t be helped with time.

I love you as well Beautiful.

MG

[opal]

For me getting diciplined, corrected or punished takes away my constant applogizing. It was amazing for me and stopped very quickly, my coworkers have definitly noticed. And as everyone I know was very annoyed with it. It was way helpful to have it go away, but weird as it just stopped. The anger I have about reciving punishment or dicepline comes and goes and tends to be related to how well I’m doing accepting that I need to change my behavior.

For the things that I’m actully improving on I have no trouble accepting disaple/punishment for. But if I’m having trouble accepting them, or see them as a reaction to something, then I get angry at MH for disapline/punishment Just wanted to share. I have been in D/s for about 8wks total.