Punishment

[misterskitten]

Communication really is key. Mister is different in that he is actually uncomfortable with physical punishments, unless the offense is serious or recurring frequently. We had a similar situation in that his preferred method of punishment instead of spanking or whatnot was public humiliation. The problem is that I have a lot of social anxiety, so while he thought it would really work to keep me on my toes, all it did was make me angry when the subject would come up. It wasn’t something we had had to do yet, but the mere thought that it was a possibility had my anxiety through the roof. We finally talked about it during downtime, and I had to explain that to me this punishment felt cruel. I would rather he beat me black and blue than put me in a situation where I might have a panic attack in the middle of Target. Once I explained that using my mental health against me wasn’t fair, he admitted that he hadn’t thought of it that way and would reassess the situation. After a little bit he decided on a more effective punishment method for both of us. Since he is the only one working currently, we have a strict budget that includes spending money for each of us. He decided that a good punishment would be taking money away from my budgeted amount and adding it to his. This is rather effective because I love my Starbucks and am not left feeling panicky all the time. Another punishment he has decided on is restricting my orgasms. I’m sure you can figure out why that one is effective! So, yeah, as long as you really talk about it, you can find some creative alternatives that leave everyone satisfied.

[Unknown Member]

My husband is a very positive approach man. After an intense discussion his chosen actions may be received as a punishment. However he does not view this correction/discipline as “punishment”. It’s not always a spanking. I might miss out on something. Perhaps an orgasm, he may turn off my chic flick, take away my drink, or maybe even date night. He might just insert something else into my smart mouth. And while that’s no punishment it’s certainly humbling and makes me mind my manners for quite some time.

[misterskitten]

Your Sir’s approach sounds like one Mister would prefer.

[littlesubkitty]

These are all pretty interesting methods, I shall show them to my Sir, I’m sure he would like the idea of being able to mix it up a little. Punishment roulette as it were. I’ll just have to make sure I’m as obedient as possible!

[klb]

Sir didnt feel comfortable with the idea of spanking either. So He decided to keep the spanking for fun play time. He found that in my case taking orgasms away was a huge deal for me. Also taking away my glass of wine at night with Him sucks! He will also get more strict with my nutrition if necessary. He prefers to reward me rather than punish so I really do try harder for His rewards (pedicures, shopping, dessert, extra wine, nap, etc.) now than acting up to test His punishment level.

[Unknown Member]

SO I am still very new to this but one punishment my Sir recently used was tying my hands slave style and making me sleep like this. Obviously it doesn’t hurt but it is bothersome when you sleep, although not impossible. The punishment was to help me remember my place and I have to say it worked well for me but I have been threaten with being made to sleep with my feet bound too or perhaps even sleep on the floor next to his bed if I didn’t start to remember my place. Needless to say the hands were not that bad but binding my feet or sleeping on the floor doesnt sound like an escalation I want so I have been getting back in line 🙂

[sonamour]

Sir and I are just over a month in. Our first week or so I was punished 3 times. I think we kind of jumped in with both feet. I was spanked (not for pleasure of course) and became very emotional. Since then, Sir has some let things slide that I wish he wouldn’t. I asked why He hadn’t punished me for certain things and he said because he knows I’m scared of it. I want to become a more obedient and mindful sub, but I’m not sure how to help my Sir. Has anyone else gone through this? How do you ask for punishment when deserved and not lose it emotionally?

[june]

Hi SonAmour-
A few questions – Have you been spanked for fun/pleasure? If not, your Sir might re-introduce spanking with light taps that are more erotic than painful. Plenty of rubbing and caressing in between. It will get your motor running 😉 Also, has your Sir tested your limits by starting out with light spanks, having you let him know the intensity (we do 1-10 with 1 being not painful, 10 being most painful). When we started down this path, Mr. Ward tested my limits in order to evaluate the intensity to use during a punishment. He also used his hand so that he’d have better feedback as to the intensity he was giving me. He also limited the number of spanks – I think my first spanking was 5 licks and they weren’t that hard, but the fact that I was bent over touching my toes and He was spanking me with just enough intensity to sting my behind AND my pride, did the trick. He also uses other things (like the butt plug, nipple clamps, and writing assignments) for discipline. Before any corrective action, Sir has a conversation with me to discuss what went wrong. He then administers the punishment and once finished, He holds me close, tells me He loves me and that I’m His Good Girl and it’s done.

Last, when you say you became very emotional, what do you mean by that? I am prone to be emotional too but it comes more from disappointing my Sir than from physical pain.

Hope some of this helps-
june

[bratty]

When I have been particularly bratty (hence my name) Master will make me sleep with either a butt plug or with the anal hook in and chained to my collar. I can tell you this is a most uncomfortable way to try to sleep, and I don’t like it at all! However, I must have a short memory, becaue my brattiness seems relentless! Master enjoys when I sleep with chains becasue he loves to hear the soft jingling at night. A definite reminder of His ownership.

bratty

[sonamour]

Yes I’ve been spanked for pleasure and very much enjoyed it. I became emotional more due to the disappointment I caused not the pain inflicted on my bottom. Sir was very loving and reassuring afterward and held me till I calmed each time. Since that first week we’ve become so much closer. Punishment just seems to be a hard subject for both of us. We have been setting rules and expectations, but have not really discussed consequences.

Thank you for the help June, you’ve given me some things I can talk to Sir about and I appreciate that. 🙂

[june]

Glad to be of some help to you! I think being emotional after disappointing our Sir is quite common. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. You will get through this hurdle and will continue to grow closer. Hang in there!
xoxo

[peggy-sub]

Every night Sir binds my hands together (slave style) and also my feet. I also wear His collar and lead, which he keeps hold of throughout the night. The collar is not really tight, but if He wants me to be closer to Him, then that’s what happens!
Although, at first, I found it quite uncomfortable to sleep like this (& trust me, I DO like to sleep!); I have to say within a few days I had got quite used to it, after a couple of weeks I looked forward to it.
Sir introduced it initially as I love to be restrained, and doing so empowered Him, it also gave Him the added advantage of being able to do what He wanted…..!!!! However, we were both surprised at the effect it has had on me and my subconscious sub-self. This was highlighted when we recently went away on holiday on a boat on the Norfolk broads and for safety reasons we both felt that it would be best to leave the restraints at home. Neither of us had anticipated how much we both missed Sir restraining me every night – it certainly screwed around with my submission, that’s for sure!
I LOVE waking up in the morning being restrained and waiting until Sir is ready to release me. It immediately puts me in a great submissive mindset (which is something I’m still working on!), as my first waking thought is that I am completely at Sir’s disposal, which is just the way I like it! Incidentally, I really didn’t sleep well on holiday and couldn’t wait to put my “nightwear” on when we got home!

[Unknown Member]

If you are looking for more standard, non-erotic, non-bondage type punishments you could check out some of the domestic discipline sites and forums. DD is a D/s relationship typically without the BDSM and sometimes without any acknowledged erotic aspect. There are a few sites that have articles on how to deliver an effective punishment, how to lecture, alternatives to spanking, etc. Please remember that even though some of these sites seem to think so, one size, one way, does not fit all. I think, just like D/s, every aspect should be tailored to the individual couple.

[Unknown Member]

Amen. ShyBeth,
Punishments for us really….are rare. I want to please not disappoint. I know when I have over stepped, not giving 100%. I beat myself up, Sir sometimes just had to give me the evil Sir eye..for us, it doesn’t always have to be physical. Giving up coffee for just one day would =10 lashes for me !

This is our D/s,marriage Love story. We own it,cherrish it.

[caterpillar]

*SIGH*
Sir has given me the option of 3 different punishments today and I am finding it very difficult to choose one. Having to make that choice is pretty effective as part of the punishment, but it’s so difficult to make a decision as i don’t want to do any of them.
It’s gonna be a long morning.

[Unknown Member]

Sorry CP, Just get it over with 🙂 Thats what I do …. Then don’t do that …again … Smiles, Cs

[caterpillar]

🙂
Thanks Cs!

[caterpillar]

Well I chose the corporal punishment. Sir did not agree with my choice, saying that he wasn’t ready to inflict such pain on me. He struggled with that decision and he is not sure he made the correct choice. I have tried to reassure him that he was right and that I honour and respect his decision. For me, it showed me the man he is within, whilst still my Dom.
I love him.

[darlingmrssteps]

Every couple and dynamic is different, but we don’t really have punishments. Mr. and I had a discussion early on and realized that since I am such a goody goody (always have been!) and really want to please him, that even a correction feels more like punishment to me than he realized. This conversation shed some light on why our arguments in the past would spiral into negative feedback loops. In arguments, he tended to over-explain his perspective, which instead of clarifying things for me, would actually just make me feel really terrible and disappointed in myself. The more he would explain, the more emotional and teary I would get, needing comfort from him that he had trouble providing while still upset. In the end, we realized that knowing I had upset or disappointed him was punishment enough. So glad that we haven’t had one of those torturous emotional back and forths in a long time! It was no fun for anyone and really didn’t accomplish anything.

Now, he corrects me simply and very gently–for example, giving me a look or reminding me to say please when I ask him for things or soften my opinions to suggestions, two of our rules–and for us, this correction is plenty. For us, spanking is saved for funishment. We chatted about punishment the other day and he said that he couldn’t really imagine me doing something that would require more severe or intense punishment. But that’s just us and our dynamic.

More than anything, what we’ve found most effective is positive reinforcement–praise, affection and rewards for shorter term successes and adding a charm to my bracelet for longer term milestones. Apparently he has a long, long list of these long term goals that I am not privy to, so the charms are surprises! I also get gold stars when I accomplish daily fitness/nutrition goals and once I reach 100 stars I get spa day! Can’t wait! To me, these positive reinforcements are more motivating than the fear of punishment, and more comfortable for Mr. Just gotta find what works for you both.

[caterpillar]

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom, I really appreciate it!
He hates punishing me, and I must learn not to deserve it.
Baby steps.

[Unknown Member]

I asked for corporal discipline in our relationship. A spanking along with a firm, directing lecture is more effective and less shaming for me than a corrective words alone. My husband was really uncomfortable at first with spanking me; he worried that I would come to resent him. I made sure to give him reassurance, encouragement, and express my gratitude to him for him stretching his comfort zone to help me. It took a little bit to find the right intensity physically and emotionally, but for us the benefits have been wonderful. I really don’t like being spanked, but I feel so loved and cherished after a corrective spanking that he would do something out of his comfort zone to help me improve my habits and feel better about myself. I know he will never like punishing me but he sees the beneficial effect it has on me and in turn our relationship.

I don’t believe corporal punishment is for everyone; it may work wonders for some but be detrimental to others. Some non-corporal punishments I have read about that could be used as an alternative – writing lines or an essay/apology, being sent to the corner or your room, mouth soaping, removal of privileges, extra chores/tasks.

I second what DarlingMrsSteps said “Just gotta find what works for you both.”

[caterpillar]

Spanking for us is play and funishment. I was talking about a more severe form of actual punishment (which did not happen). That’s where he is having the difficulty.

Thank you though Beth, I appreciate your reply!

[sassypup]

I’m a bit of a brat so i find i overstep lines quite often and as much as I’m not fond of punishment, it’s definately been curbing my sass when it’s not desired and helps me know that he loves me enough to correct my bad habits. I really hate the clothes pegs though and have a feeling i have it coming due to the fact i snuck into his chest and threw them out. Punishment isn’t always physical though. I broke tablets by dropping it into the bath so lost my phone for the day which killed me. Thats like my life line!!