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Public Protocol Among Vanillas
Sir and I had recently had a conversation during Downtime about our public protocol when we are with our “vanilla” friends and family. I had explained that it causes me more anxiety trying to pretend to be vanilla around them than just being who we are now. It’s not like we have any crazy, eyebrow raising protocol anyway. He agreed with me and told me he had noticed it was difficult for me to go in and out of mindset all the time and agreed that it would be easier if we just showed up and behaved as we do all the time now…our new normal. I will admit, I was a little nervous the first time, but it actually went very well. No one really said anything and what was said was in curiosity more than anything and only because they noticed a change in our behavior. Simple answers were given to questions asked (not many were asked though) and we all just went on having a good time and enjoying each others company. We had a bigger test even more recently around my family (who we are not around a lot since we live so far away from them) and we were both pleasantly surprised that no one said anything at all! We just did our thing and if they noticed anything, it wasn’t mentioned. It really was nice to be ourselves. It was nice not having to act like we were different than what we are now. It was nice knowing what was expected of me and Sir being consistent the entire time. Another thing that has come from it is; the two women I spend the most time around with Sir and their husbands have gotten so used to it that they will ask if I want a drink (adult) or if I want to do something and before I can usually respond, they will say that they will just go ask him, lol! It’s not said with any attitude or judgments either…they laugh and just roll with it now.
Our Protocol:
I am to sit and walk to Sir’s right
I am to wait for Sir to open doors
If we are in a crowded place, I am to hold Sir’s hand as much as possible (taking the environment and situation into account) and Sir will let me know ahead of time if he desires this.
Sir orders all of my food and drinks
I wait for Sir to start eating before I do (I don’t know why, but I forget this one a lot)
I address him as Sir
I am to watch my language (that one can be hard sometimes, lol)
I am to remember that the way I present myself is a direct reflection of Sir and to behave accordinglySo you see, it’s more about the mindset and staying in role for both of us more than the the level of protocol we have (or don’t have). There are still times when Sir will also let me know ahead of time if he is giving me a “night off” from protocol (or certain protocols) if he feels that they are not necessary or realistic for what ever we are doing. Sometimes he will even tell me that my protocol is to just have fun and that is ok, because HE is still setting a protocol and keeping me in mindset doing it….I love my Sir!
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7 Replies
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I think it’s great that you both feel comfortable enough with your D/s that staying in your roles is easier than switching back to vanilla. It’s good to hear how your vanilla friends and family react. And it was interesting and informative to read your protocol. Thank you for sharing, Veruca.
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Thanks Beth!
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Thank you for sharing your protocol! I, too, hate sliding in and out of our roles. It’s a little easier (and necessary) at work since we are apart, but very difficult when we are together and in the vanilla world.
We have some similar protocols that are easier to continue in public:
I walk on his left. (Which has gotten funny because I find I start to get tense if I walk on the kids’ right side now!)
I wait for Him to open doors (which draws comments as I sit in the car waiting for Him to let me out, but I think most comments are respect for His chivalry or jealousy at His attentiveness).
I call Him “Sir” most of the time… Him calling me “kitten” or “little one” doesn’t roll off as easily in public without raised eyebrows…
I wait for Him to begin eating first. He almost always encourages me to eat anyway, but I enjoy the fact that He has noticed my waiting for Him, and I think inside He’s pleased.
I do always try to be my best because I know I reflect on Him… I believe He always tries to do the same for the reverse reasons, which is touching to me.Reading that your Sir orders for you sparked an interest with me. I am looking for other ways to continue our D/s relationship outside of the house or our “leather curtain” friends. I don’t know if He would go for that one, but I’m going to bring it up in our next down time. I’m hoping maybe some other subs post comments that give me ideas. Thank you so much for sharing and for starting this discussion!
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Thanks Honeybadger for taking the time to read and respond! I am glad you enjoyed it.
The food ordering protocol was one of the first protocols that Sir and I tried in the beginning of our D/s. I love the ordering of my food (I especially love the looks we get from the wait staff sometimes, lol)…but to be completely open and honest, most of the time he does ask for my input first and he will make the decisions based on my response to him. There are times that I may give him a few suggestions of what I would like and he will choose from them (or not, lol), I may respond that I wish for him to make the decision completely and then there are also times (especially if we are eating Mexican) that he will tell me to just tell him what I want. In every scenario though, Sir does the ordering. When I am asked what I would like by staff, I simply respond that he will be ordering for me. I think the first couple times, it was stressful for Sir, but as we got more comfortable with it and found our groove with it, like everything else it just became a part of the new “us”. I wish you luck bringing it up in DT!
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“Reading that your Sir orders for you sparked an interest with me… I don’t know if He would go for that one, but I’m going to bring it up in our next down time.”
I’ve asked my Sir to start doing this more often for me. I often have a hard time deciding especially if there are a lot of tasty choices or I’m tired. He has been happy to help me out. I used to (even before D/s) just pick out two or three items that sounded really good then ask him which one he thought I should order. Now he is more comfortable and he’s willing to choose my food and order for both of us. It now depends on his mood whether he asks what I would like or just picks for me, and I love it.
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V,
AWESOME share !! You guys have grown soon MUCH !!!
Hugs,
Curvey-
Thanks curvy! I agree, we have really grown a lot…and still are every day, week and month! We should ALL always be learning how to better our dynamic, always growing into a better, stronger, confident submissive along side our Dom as they do the same.
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