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Our new beginning
So heres my story and I hope it helps someone. So we had two weeks without our Kids and Sir & i really wanted to work on us. We had dipped our toes in D/s but never really all the way in. So we happen to be talking to some very close friends of ours about it and I got to wanting to do more research. That’s when I came across this site. Sir and I started reading a few of Mr.Fox’s blogs and started thinking about what we really wanted. Well a few days went by and my Sir had been reading Mr.Fox’s blogs some more. I think that’s when it hit him and we hit our first roadblock and we hit it hard! Sir wasn’t feeling like the man that he wanted to be and a lot of pushed down emotions came up. It was so bad that he said he needed a night to get his self together. The next day we talked(something that we weren’t doing and why we hit this roadblock) and really put everything out on the table. We both wanted this life and we were both up to working for it. Well a week and half goes by and we are really working on us and doing good. We were talking about everything and getting closer. Then lovely LK gives us our spanking homework!(something we have never done) Well that night before we started I felt the time was right to ask my Sir formally to be my Dom. He was taking a shower and doing a few last min things before coming to bed. I went and got ready as he asked but when he came into the bedroom I was on my knees kneeling waiting for him. He came in with a huge grin on his face and I asked if I could speak with him before we got started. When he said yes I had to pull out what I wrote because I was already emotional. In my letter I told him that I loved him and that he was the only person in my life that gets me.I knew we had already started our journey in this life and that it had and will bring us closer. I told him that I needed and wanted him to control me. To make me responsible for my actions. That I knew he would only do what was best for me. With that I asked him to be my Dom.(can’t remember it all because it was one crazy night but in a good way.lol)He said yes and that he would be forever. He pulled me up to him and hugged me and kissed me and we shared some happy tears together. After that night my Sir was a different man and it all became real to me and him. I love my Sir so very much and can’t wait to see where our journey takes us!
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15 Replies
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Babe, thank you so much for sharing this moment with us. And yes it is helpful – it shows that the commitment to living a D/s lifestyle is as serious as getting married. Thank you xxxxx
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Thank you LB! Yes it is! I hope someone that may be in the same spot we were reads this and it helps them. This is one journey in my life that I never want to end. Xxxx
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Thank you for posting, babe…this was very helpful.
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Glad I could help you HLD! 🙂
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This was a really beautiful outpouring of emotion. It helps to read it. My husdom and I started this structured relationship years ago, and after going through some tough times we re-starting. I need to take this step in the healing process. I am scared because I felt like we failed so miserably before.
Choosing to submit and be lead by someone is hard for me. I would rather march to my own beat alone than with a crowd. Most of my friends and colleagues, if asked who would be the dominant partner in the relationship, would say “xiaomei”. But what they don’t know is that I take comfort from being able to have that confidence to lead in the majority of areas in my life if I know I can relax and submit sometimes. The trouble for me is that I struggle with my submission. Giving up control can be really great for me, but without strong communication I start to question and get nervous and reassert my control. I am uncomfortable without lots of structure and direction.
Between LK and Mr. Fox we’ve found some refreshed perspective. I want to put aside my previous experience and trust in my husdom that we’re now on the same page. Somehow I am still standing here waiting to take my step, knowing he is waiting patiently for me to lay down my control and surrender. I am his xiaomei and he is my world. I think I’ll be ready soon and reading other’s stories encourages me.
Thank you for sharing.
xiaomei
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Your welcome xiaomei! I feel like I am finally where I belong. We both feel a difference in our selves and it feels great. I hope you find your submission. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed it happens for you soon too.
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Thank you for sharing. I look forward to this moment, but I want to really have my thoughts organized and together before I take the plunge.
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Good luck lovelace! Just let it come from the heart. You will do just fine!
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I am very, very new to the BDSM world and have been married to my Sir for almost 20 years. Like LK, reading 50 Shades was such pivot point for me. My Sir was reading all three books first, when I got interested and I just finished the first book and will be reading the next two soon. Wow, did my inner being awake from a major sleep. I had no idea that these desires resided in me. Sir and I have had many conversations on the path that we both desire to walk together. I have informally asked my Sir to be my Dom and give him my submission through general conversation about our love, trust and play. Is it important to ask him to be my Dom and give him my submission formally? Referring babe’s and Hisxiaomei’s stories that describe a formal request. My Sir and I sort of just gravitated toward our D/s roles but not formally. I could use some advise here please.
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Hi Morning Glory!
Welcome to LK’s site! You will find a wonderful group of women who are happy to share a life, a cry, and all they have learned about the lifestyle. Kaisers Little Belle gave you some very solid information regarding things to search on this site to learn more about formal acceptance and foundations. Another key point to remember is no two D/s relationships are the same. They are as unique and individual as you are. For example, my Sir asked me to become His submissive. Even though He asked me, one of His requirements was that I had to do it for myself rather than to please Him, and I had outline what I wanted from the dynamic in writing. Although it wasn’t as ceremonial in terms of kneeling naked before Him, the reading of the letters, discussion and acceptance of both of our roles was powerful, moving, and felt like a renewal of our vows to one another. The bottom line is to take what you need from us and make it your own. Be authentic to yourself and each other, keep communication open, and enjoy a new level of intimacy and trust. It is an incredible journey and has added layers of depth to our marriage.Again, welcome and feel free to ask questions!
Hugs,
june
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Morning Glory. First off, welcome! You have come to a great place with so many women that are always ready to help! Everyone, you will find, is on their own path of D/s discovery and NO 2 paths are alike!
As LK describes it, the Formal Acceptance is a very big and very necessary step. It sets the tone for the relationship. It allows you both to fully understand and fully define your D/s “terms”. It helps him to understand his responsibilities and helps you to start becomming his “first mate”. LK has some great posts in reguards to the Formal Acceptance. Just type “formal acceptance” and “foundation” in the search bar at the top to see them!
As for me, I had no idea what or why it was so important in the beginning. Did I really have to do this? What if he says no? What if I make a fool of myself? It is a very vulnerable position to put yourself in when you kneel naked at someones feet. But it is also a moment you will never forget! It truly did feel like marriage vows to me. I spent weeks before I asked him preparing what I wanted to say. What I needed from him and what all I wanted to give to him. We both still have a copy of our D/s vows on our phones to remind us anytime what our roles and guidelines are. Once I wrote everything down that I wanted to say (which by the way is in NO way a requirement or a must do, but for me it was easier to write than talk at the time) I contemplated……when should I do this? How will I know (crap….now im singing Whitney Houston in my head again) When I’m ready? When he’s ready? Does this mean I must fully let go and hope he becomes the perfect Dom? (And what standard do I measure that by?!) …… then I took a breath. I talked on chats with all these amazing girls. I participated in Tuesday night chats. I listened to my heart and I read everything I could on LK’S site.
The night came when I knew it was time. (This feeling is only something you can describe or know.) We dropped our kids off with the grandparents for a date night. We had the whole house to ourselves until the next day. So, my Sir said he was taking me to dinner and he picked out the panties I was to wear (which is a ritual he does every day). During dinner we started talking all about this crazy rollercoaster ride we are on and how exciting it all is. A couple of months prior we had already swept out the closet and put everything on the table as far as our marriage was concerned. So at this dinner we talked about how far we’ve come even in such a short amount of time. We never talked about kids or money or typical marriage stuff, because we were too enamored with each other. I can not remember a time before that night that we had been so into each other. I told him how I was scared we would go back to vanilla if I didn’t push him to continue forward. He looked me dead in the eye and said….”I will never let that happen. Vanilla is not an option anymore.” He then told me to go to the restroom and remove my panties. And to bring them back to him. What?! I had never done that before. But I did it. Then we left. On the way home in the car, things got hot and heavy. We got home and he took me. It was amazing! After we were done, I knelt down beside him and said everything I had written down. I cried. My Kaiser got very serious and it became one of the most amazing moments in my life…..
Am I telling you after that moment that He was a perfect Dom? NO! Am I telling you I was a perfect sub? Absolutely NOT !!! Just like after your wedding vows, you don’t wake up the next day and transform into June Cleaver or a stepford wife with the perfect home and perfect children. You work hard everyday to keep your marriage going. You work together to make your marriage work. It is the same in your D/s relationship. To me, though, the biggest difference from my marriage to my D/s marriage was that now we had clear defined roles that didn’t step on each others toes. We no longer had a reason to fight over power or try to prove something to the other. We had a perfect circle that we each had a part of, no one better or worse. No one higher or lower, but a perfect balance that could not exist without the other. A respect of each other and what the other brings to our relationship.
Every day will present its own uniqueness. Some days will be better than others, and that is what LK and Mr. Fox’s sites are for! To help you both learn and move forward together! So in short, YES, it is important. Read some posts, ask questions and come to any of us if you need anything! Welcome again!Kaiser’s Little Belle
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Hi KLB-
Thanks for sharing your story – it was beautiful and full of sound advice!On a side note, I got a giggle out of your June Cleaver reference. My Sir is Mr. Ward. Care to guess who inspired us? LOL
june
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OMG!!! This is so perfect!
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Thanks, June! Love that your Sir is Mr. Ward! Hilarious! June and ward cleaver…..very,…..Clever! Lol!
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Thank you for sharing Babe and KLB. The stories you are sharing help me, and others I’m sure, figure out where we are and how to map the next steps. Thanks
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