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New sub confessions
I am new to active submission. The past 10 years with my husDom I have essentially been passively submissive. I’ve always wanted to honor him and his position at the head of our family. Something always felt a little off inside, though.
A little bit of background about me: I was raised by a single mom who taught me that I don’t need a man to take care of me or to be happy. In my adult life I tried to be a strong, independent woman who could take care of herself and be happy all by herself. I took on a more dominant role in my relationships and in life in general. But I always felt like something was missing. Things just didn’t feel right. When I think back on it there were a lot of areas in my life where my submissive side fought to be free. In the Navy, I was afraid to advance above a certain paygrade because that would put me in too much a power position. I gravitated toward guys who were assertive about what they wanted, even if we didn’t mesh. My friends were people who made most of the decision regarding our social activities. Fighting so hard against my inner submissive led to a lot of destructive behavior.
Things changed when my husband and I reconnected (we knew each other in high school). When we first got together he told me that a real man takes care of his woman. I knew that his dominance was what I had been craving. I let him take control in several areas of our life; finance, household needs, and ultimately disciplining our children. Without realizing it, I was doing things that acknowledged his position in our family; serving him first at meals, making sure things were kept clean and organized for him, making his lunches for work the way he liked them, making sure scheduled family activities were approved and kept organized for him. But that independent bitch inside kept fighting and, at one point, almost cost me our relationship.
At the same time, a part of me was finding little, innocuous ways to undermine his authority. Authority I willingly gave him. He preferred me with dark hair (I’m a natural brunet), I would dye it blond. He would tell me he was not comfortable with me spending too much time with certain people (I never hung out with males alone, always with other female friends around), I would just hang out with them when he was at work and not tell him. Instead of depositing my whole paycheck into our bank account, I would keep a bit and not say anything. I would even tell him he was being too harsh with how he disciplined our kids. I was doing things that made me feel like I still had some kind of control, even though I had voluntarily asked him to take control.
I have finally realized that fighting my inner submissive is keeping me from being as happy as I can be. The thing is, I don’t know if he thinks it’s just a kink or if he really believes that I am all in on this. When I first brought it up, he thought it was just about the sex and told me that he wasn’t very adventurous but that he had been thinking about a few things. That made me realize that, for me, it wasn’t just about the sex. It was everything. I always thought D/s was about kinky sex. I now know that it isn’t (but it is a very nice bonus). I get the feeling he thinks that him being Dom outside the bedroom means that he would be ordering me around for everything. That I would be cowering little thing that need him to tell me if it okay to breathe. That’s not how I see it at all, though.
For me, being his submissive wife means that I am doing only what pleases him and not questioning his decisions. I will seek his counsel and take his advise. I will consult him before making plans. I will defer to him on all decisions about my appearance. I will always be ready for any sexual activity he desires.I have done my best to convey to him what this all means to me. I know it will take some time for him and that’s okay. My biggest concern right now is that he seems to be hesitant with expectations and requirements, in and out of the bedroom. I spent a long time acting like it was always all about what I wanted, now I need to be reminded of what HE wants and expects.
Sorry for this being so long. It’s been about a week and I’ve got so much piled up in my head. LOL
Thanks for reading. 🙂 -
3 Replies
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This was beautiful. When my Master first approached me about this I thought it would be strictly sexual. But I too quickly found how much I wanted to submit to him in all ways. It creates a wonderful dynamic. I hope that you and your Dom can grow together.
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Hello ladies
What a nice story and you have been so
open. Thank you for that HisDoe. I will soon write something about my own story here. Still a bit overwhelmed with all that can be found on this site. -
Dear HisDoe,
That was an inspiring story, and I relate to it so much. Thank you for writing this.Belle_Soumise
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