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Myths and Misconceptions
What myths or misconceptions have you had or heard from other people concerning this lifestyle?
I know I’ve had my own issues that I had to work through. Before I really ever knew what BDSM was, I was attracted to this life and when you don’t even know what to call it, it can really be confusing.1 thing I heard from friends that I tried to talk to about it when I was a bit younger, was that it wasn’t normal and that there must be something wrong with me. Obviously, I now know that that’s not true. And that knowledge is freeing.
So what about you ladies? What myths/misconceptions have you had yourself or heard from other people?
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7 Replies
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Hello Tootsie,
Good question, Sir and I use to do some kinky things in the bedroom when we were younger but never associated it to BDSM or D/s. I always knew I danced to a different tune than other people. In 2009 I started looking up BDSM on the internet. I knew what I wanted but couldn’t find what I was looking for exactly until I found the Bedroom Submissive (LK’s First blog). This is what I was looking for! Now I’ve have spoken to my sister about this lifestyle and was told that I needed to get help. Lol! Or what was my husband brainwashing me. Lol! It’s like any other thing that comes out into the forefront in life, it will be marked by society as wrong for one reason or another. We are normal people that beat by a different drum and sometimes it’s easier to judge us than admit that maybe they would love to have it but won’t step out and admit it until it is accepted by society. I always say don’t judge me just ask me and I will tell you the truth of the lifestyle I know, not what you believe because society has trained you to believe it’s taboo. -
Hi Tootsie,
Sorry I am so late to respond to this because this is a great question! I don’t know how in the world I missed it when you first posted it!
Anyway…I think the biggest misconception that I want to dispel to others, in my little world, as my Sir and I grow in our confidence and not hiding who we are around others is; the idea that I am some little controlled and abused wife. Sir and I have recently made a decision to not alter how we interact with each other or stop any protocols (which is usually pretty low anyway on a daily basis) just because we are around others. I have experienced the waiter/waitress give me funny looks when Sir orders for me (like they are making sure it’s ok and I actually want to eat that) to friends questioning how we interact with each other…why do I have to ask permission to do something when I never had to before, etc. No, I don’t go into detail about our private debaucheries, but just explaining that we now have a different way of doing things to friends has been a bit of a challenge and is done very carefully. I am submissive, I am not abused. I agreed to this, asked for this! I am still strong and have a mind of my own. My Sir respects me and values me above all others in his life. I want to show everyone that we come into contact with the positive beauty of what we have created between us. I want to actively REMOVE that stigma that all submissives are brainwashed and abused. I am proud to be Sir’s. I want people to see the respect, consideration and care that he gives me. They don’t have to understand it or agree with it…just change their misguided ideas about it. -
This is a great question, it took me a while to think of some of mine.
All subs are masochists or like pain play and all Doms are sadistic. Subs sleep on the floor or in another room not in the same bed with their Sir. Subs are weak willed or brain washed and dominants are cruel and self serving. People who practice BDSM are sexual deviants because of mental disorders.
The first and/or second may be true in some D/s relationships but not all. I think all of the subs I have met have been strong, competent, knowledgable and most of the Doms have been kind, caring, and protective. And BDSM and fetishes are no longer classified as mental disorders and never should have been.
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I think there are so many misconceptions with books like 50 Shades of Grey. I think the idea that there must be something really wrong with you or that some messed up childhood brought on this compulsion/”sickness” annoys me most :p
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I have always fantasized about being dominated and i have finally found someone i trust and told him how i feel and how i would like him to treat me. He had the misconception that i had been brainwashed. After i explained to him how seeing him pleased makes me happy and he agreed that me being happy makes him happy he has agreed to try. He wont punish me as it doesnt feel right to him and although i like pain i dont want to make him have to punish me as i want him happy. He has been trying. I have asked him if he wants a drink or something to eat to demand that i get it for him and if he wants me to play with his penis or to give him a headjob etc to tell me to do it. He is getting good with this. I also asked him if he wants me to make him a coffee or give him a massage before he goes to work to wake me up and tell me to get up and make him a coffee. Unfortunately this morning he woke me up and went back to asking nicely if i would make him a coffee (i dont want him to give me a choice) i also have asked him to give me a list of chores he expects done every morning which he did and i have completed ….. this has made me happy. I keep telling him that the more we do this the more he will notice that i am happy and the more natural it will feel. He also keeps saying that this isnt fair on me so I also mentioned to him that by doing this we both get a nice clean house, i feel happy because i have been able to please him and he gets to feel happy because im happy and he agreed that my explanation is fair on both of us
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The misconception that you are weak willed that one that bothers me. I’m very strong willed but I need the structure my Master provides. I’m learning more and more it’s about building a bond with your Sir/Master/Dom. People may not get it.
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OOO I have enjoyed all the reads ….
Im a CEO by day ! a submissive by night ! LMAO If they ONLY knew !
Hearts, Curvey
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