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Married to the Beast
I wrote this, however I have to admit that it was meeting all of you here that partially inspired me to write it. Thank you so much for being here. <3 “You’re married to your Dom, isn’t your Lifestyle/Dynamic easier? Do you even have sub-drop ever? Honestly, I don’t see you as a real sub, you are merely doing your wifely duty…”…As much as I hate to even type those bad boys out, believe it or not, some rather rude subs and at least one very uncouth dominant have voiced either these comments, or something very similar to me about Our dynamic. Does this make you mad? It made me livid to be honest, but I never voiced exactly what it’s like to be a married submissive to her Dominant because, well honestly, these particular degenerates didn’t deserve my time to answer their petty, shallow and frankly ridiculous questions/comments. The worst part about what they said though, was that it bore into my head, the insecurity that was there; was I really a sub? Was Our dynamic somehow completely different and less significant because of Our previous, vanilla union? The answers that I sought were just under the surface of my logic. While taking in others dynamics into consideration, and the general frenzy around the BDSM community now with the FSOG phenomena; of course what We have is different, We’re married after all. Once I grasped that oh so obvious factor, I then began to see obstacles with it. If anything, being married to your Dominant, (in my opinion) can actually be harder than getting to know someone new. Think of it this way; a new person in your life tells you that they’re into the kinky world of BDSM and are very experienced and interested in the D/s lifestyle. Well, considering that you don’t know anything about this new person other than what they have told you (and what you experience with them) you are predisposed to believe what they tell/show you until they prove otherwise. With a marriage such as Ours where we were mostly monogamous for nearly seven years (I’m bisexual and we’ve had a few other female play partners) and while never being strictly vanilla, certainly we were not into what we are into now; it was a bit of a shock to my poor husband that I wanted to be controlled, told what to do and given a set list of instructions. He had always known me as His other half, (sometimes His better half) getting the job done tirelessly and without fail, even if I did make a stink about it from time to time. He also knows in fine detail of my very controlling ex-husband and never wanted to ever give me reason to compare the two of them. We have a family together, it wasn’t exactly like if We didn’t “click” as a D/s couple We could just release one another; We had more at stake to consider and to take in. To say the least, it truly has taken the better part of a years’ worth of very in depth conversation, near constant blushing and embarrassment about new things that we both enjoy and searching/researching our roles before We have finally found a niche that works for Us in the D/s world. My Beloved Sir has had to open His eyes to the fact that His rather demur, shy, soft and gentle wife enjoys being bound, blindfolded, beaten and commanded to orgasm. (among other things…) I have had to come to terms with the fact that my Husband, the man that I have watched go through countless obstacles, failed and won, not only wants to Dominant me, but also wants to open our relationship up to more. (Something I had always wanted but had always been too afraid to explore or discuss) I had to swallow that “Wife pride” and see Him in the Dominant light that He possesses as a posed to the Team that We had always been, I was having to learn to step back and take His lead. Honestly, being married to your D/s spouse can be excruciating. Getting out of one’s “Spouse Space” and into a sub or Dom Space has most certainly been one of the most interesting and introspective journeys of my life. I can still remember the first scene that we tried and how We both fumbled, how We faltered and how concerned I was that We would never be what I truly wanted in a D/s relationship. We fought about it, yelled about it, talked in depth about what We both wanted and little by little, the space between us was chipped away. The trust began to grow, the depth began to expand. Suddenly I wasn’t questioning His idea’s with possible, other logical ways of approaching them; I was supporting Him, trying to help in anyway I could. I heard myself concede to doing some things rather than pushing back, felt how effortless it was to merely do His will rather than challenging it. I began to see that there was this…aura about Him, a gravitational pull that I desperately wanted, needed to be a part of. I can say that there was a defining moment when it hit me that I was more content to be my Husband’s submissive rather than merely His wife, I can tell you that there has been a significant shift very recently. Our dynamic has deepened; the trust that We had has expanded as We step into our roles and more clearly define what it is that We both want out of one another on that much more honest level. Our conversations are softer, gentler; We listen to one another instead of our insecurities immediately coming into play. I expressed to Sir that I needed His Will to surround me, that I needed His structure in order to flourish and He did something that I think few women believe their husband’s capable of, He listened. He heard my pleas and He added them to His Dom journal. I soon found myself being requested to do my usual chores as well as being Ordered to do things like meditate, listen to music, research certain topics that interested me etc. My husband was tuning into what I needed; He was paying attention to my loves and cherished desires, incorporating them into His Orders; He was becoming the Dom I always hoped that He would become. When I had horrible drop after one of our sessions, I texted Sir, letting Him know and when He came home He scooped me up into His arms and just held me tightly, no words, merely His presence which is exactly what I needed. I can say that the definite moment that I fully became my Husband’s sub. I had a night terror two nights ago, something that I haven’t had in nearly two decades, this was the worst I’d ever had and I woke up absolutely hysterical. My beloved Sir wrapped His arms around me and let me cry it out, He didn’t try to silence me, just let me know that He was there, that I was safe and to breathe. I calmed down and fell asleep in His arms only to wake up a few hours later, still incased in His iron-clad embrace…I woke up with new tears, happy ones; I was His, I had fallen in love with my beloved Dominant and even more in love with my Husband. He kept me safe, even from the demons He couldn’t possibly battle and He did so effortlessly, just by breathing. At first glance, the BDSM community and the D/s lifestyle is one of kinky freedom, self-expression and erotic exploration. When you really start to dive into things though, really begin to research what it is that you and your partner want, then having the strength of character to put what you’ve learned into practice, the kinky things truly are the icing on the proverbial cake. The depth of soul that lies beneath that kinky cake is the good stuff that is worth waiting around for a taste of. So, with all that fanfare and explanation; much more than His wife, I am His sub; I am His just as He is Mine. We very much look forward to the Path ahead and, (as my ever used finisher goes) always dancing One Step Closer. Xoxo
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10 Replies
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Wow. I really enjoyed reading that. Thankyou. I don’t have the words right now. Thankyou.
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What a delightful post! Thank you for sharing.
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This is a great post. Thank you for sharing.
It was perfect timing that I came across this tonight when I’m struggling.
Just a reminder to get up and keep trying.
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That was absolutely beautiful, Ophelia. Thank you for your honesty. I’m only beginning in this journey, we haven’t even been able to have our first session, and your candor has given me so much to consider and look forward to.
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This makes me happy cry. ❤️
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Thank you. You helped me find the words for “me”. You were able to put how I feel into words. Now I am crying, but it is a good thing. Thank you.
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Thank you for the post. I see so much of my husband/Master and our journey into the D/s lifestyle. We too have had struggles , conversations, and angry words with each. I always thought I was alone in the struggles we went through, and there were several times we nearly ended our D/s relationship. But now I see I am not alone, but part of caring loving community of submissives.
I learned over time that I want and need to serve him, and for him to be in control and that he loves me. And that I love him enough to give him what he needs.
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Ophelia, thank you! Your words have inspired and encouraged me in my own D/s-M journey.
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Absolutely beautiful! Thanks so much for sharing.
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I am glad I found and read this. Reading touched my soul and brought happy gentle tears.
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