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Marriage
Hello, I’m new here. I have been reading a lot of the responses within the forums and have found them very helpful. I have been hesitant to start a topic, but sorta just finally had to ask. My Sir and I will be getting married September 2014 and I’m a little worried about how our D/s relationship will change. I’ve talked to him about it some, but marriage will be different for him too (duh . . lol) and he doesn’t know how to give me specifics. I was wondering if anybody had an experience they would share or some advice?
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3 Replies
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Being new (as well) and unmarried, I don’t have any advice. I do have some questions that might help in the discussion though.
What are you worried will change? Do you live together now? If not, that in itself is going to be a big change. If you could set aside the worry, what would you see happening on a daily basis in terms of cooking, cleaning, work schedules, bathroom schedules, closet space, etc?
I have a dear friend who has a designated room for her girly-stuff (shoes, accessories, bags, make-up, products, clothes) and her husband stays out of there. It is called her “build-a-girl” room and they like to get dressed separately. They have done this for 10 years, and he even waits in the lobby for her when they are staying in a hotel, so they can have that first-look moment. It works for them and I think it is utterly sweet.
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I love that idea of the first-look moment!!!
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Hiya and congrats!
Do you two already live together? I’m assuming not, but you know the saying…
Husband and I were already married for a few years until I asked him just this past year to be my Dominant. I don’t think much will change in your relationship, really, other than adjusting to living with each other (again, if you don’t already). Your Sir is already in charge, things ‘should’ fall into place. I’m not saying that it will be all fairy tales and unicorns – but you two already have a foundation set for m-D/s, it seems to me.
The hard part would be adjusting to living with each other, and keeping communication open. We have a sit down talk once a month, it’s even scheduled onto our calendar. We talk daily about little things that are going on in our lives. Weekly, I’m given the chance to air out any grievances that we might have, and that could be something for the two of you to consider – scheduling time to sit and talk. Does he leave the cap off the toothpaste, and it sets your teeth on edge? That might be something to bring up at a weekly airing of grievances, or if he doesn’t like the way you… fold his underwear (I don’t know, I’m throwing stuff out there, lol). Our monthly talks go over limits, rules, punishments and rewards for me to strive for (one of my rules is to work out, and I get little rewards for meeting goals to help me stay on track).
I like Kitten’s friend’s “build a girl” name for her room! We both have our own offices, where we can have alone time, or get ready, or whatever. Having even a little corner of an apartment to call your own will be important for the both of you, in my opinion.
You guys might have more sex or less sex. It might be kinkier or less kinky. Either way, as long as both of you are satisfied. That’s all that matters.
What is it that you expect to change or that you’re afraid will change? I wouldn’t put my expectations super high, especially in the first few months to a year of your marriage, especially if you will be learning to live with each other for the first time. Rules and protocols are bound to change or be thrown out completely, since what worked while dating might not work for married life.
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