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Lost & Crying
Hi,
I need help, advice, feedback, anything! Please bare with me as I try to as briefly as possible explain what’s happening and where I’m at. My emotions have been right at the surface lately and I’m trying not to cry as I type this. We’ve started on this bedroom only d/s-m journey for a few months now, with hope to move it more into our everyday lives. My husband has always been very passive in our marriage. To the point that I’ve asked, almost begged, for him to be more dominant in bed almost since the beginning. Even though his career is ANYTHING but passive. I’ve been a stay at home mom who has used reading to escape the boredom in my marriage. I’m ADD and am EXTREMELY disorganized and scattered. I have a lot of resentments with my husband and I’m trying to clean the slate but they keep creeping back up, which is one of the issues I’m struggling with.
My husband has always been awful with genuine or out of the blue thoughtfulness and I’ve gotten my feelings hurt over it a lot because I’m the opposite and I’m probably TOO thoughtful. He swears he wants the d/s in our marriage too and even signed up at hisdom and says he’s reading up on it and on other sites too. He has been more dominant in bed and we have had the best sex we’ve ever had since starting. But the few “scenes” he’s planned have been half assed and thrown together at the last minute. No day or two to prepare or anything like that with a half attempted aftercare or none at all. I’ve sent him DOZENS of submrs/hisdom posts. I told him to start with the oldest to newest which is what I’m doing and to read at least one a day. I’ve stressed months ago how I wanted to have a downtime once a week and he agreed but we have yet to have one. I’ve kind of given up and stopped reading up on anything. I haven’t even logged in here for weeks even though I know it would help to reach out to u all, which is why I’m back and trying. Im so envious of all of I’m so lonely I feel alone in this. I broke down the other night to him and said I can’t continue this way and that I was unhappy in our marriage and that it’s just as much my fault as his at where our marriage is at now. But I’m not ok living like roommates who have sex with no connection. He disagreed and says us talking together on the couch while he watches tv everyday is connecting. Our communication is awful and probably one of our biggest problems.
I was thinking I need to work on my submission and start the journaling I’ve read some of you subs do. I was also thinking of trying the kneel how do u feel challenge.
One last things to add to my novel length post; ever since we started this journey I’ve been a lot more emotional and especially the last week or so I can cry or weep is a bette work for it anytime I think of our marriage.it almost feels like I’m going through the stages of grief. Like I’m already mourning the loss of marriage and that scares me that we’re already over.
I’m just so lost right now.
I’m really sorry for how long this post is and how all over the place it is.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post. -
3 Replies
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Hi SuBlossom,
I’m so sorry you are struggling! I was encouraged to read that he is signed up on HusDOM and says he wants a D/s-M marriage. Maybe he just doesn’t have a clear picture of what it means to be a Dom. Have you asked him what he considers to be his responsibilities as a Dom?
Come join us in the Daily subMrs chat!
Staci -
Hi SuBlossom!
I want to ditto what Staci suggested. Please join us in the Daily subMrs chats. You will not only find some amazing sub-sisters, but you will see that many of us have or have had similar struggles. It would not be fair for me to offer any advise as I really need to know a little more detail about your relationship and history with your husband. The fact that he is having the conversation tells me that he is at least interested. Let’s face it, we all have different personalities (Meyers-Briggs) and showing emotions or demonstrating certain behaviors comes easier for some than others. But, with hard work, positive reinforcement, and a solid foundation any obstacle can be eliminated. The majority of us subbies are so excited about this amazing lifestyle that we want to hit it like a marathon. They key is time and a lot (and I mean a lot) of patience. If you have not already done so, be sure to look through the blogs that LK has posted. You will find the tips very helpful and insights to really consider and think about.
Again, please join us in the daily chats! We look forward to learning more about you and having you become apart of our amazing network of support.
~subMarie
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I echo what Staci and Marie have posted to you, Su. Please join us in chat, and I hope you continue reading and gaining an understanding of what a sustainable D/s-M lifestyle requires by reading the articles that LK writes. I know that, in conversation with us (chat) you’ll find warmth and understanding. Hope to see you there soon.
HUGS!!!
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