-
Limits lists
This week on the calendar, LK put a journal prompt out to discuss limits. That sparked some good conversation, but due to my work schedule, I am always reading back and the conversation has been over by the time I get to it. I thought this would be a good opportunity to start a forum about my experience with the “LIMITS LIST”. When Sir and I first got into and started researching D/s and BDSM, completing a limits list was one thing that was pretty consistent in must haves. Sir informed me one day that our downtime that night would be completing OUR limits list together. I am pretty sure we were both intrigued, excited and a little nervous about doing this. He had me find a limits list online and print out 2 copies. That night we sat and filled them out, together, face to (slightly lowered) face. There was a moment, before downtime began, where I was nervous that he would judge me for some of the things that I wanted to do and be disappointed by the things that were hard limits (he felt the same way). Our experience was one of the most wonderful and fun activities we experienced in our newly developing dynamic. We laughed until our stomachs hurt, especially at times when we had to google certain activities that we weren’t familiar with. It opened up a whole new level of honest communication…there was no judgement, no shame, no embarrassment; only acceptance. We both accepted each other for our desired and our soft/hard limits. We used the colors (just like our safe words) GREEN (everything is great, give me more of that please!), YELLOW (soft limit, interested but nervous or unsure) and RED (full stop, do not pass go, do not collect $100…I do not want to do that). It was a VITAL tool in the beginning for Sir to orchestrate a scene and execute it properly, with out having to guess what he could/could not do to/with me. It also helped me completely trust Sir so that I could let go and experience our scenes. What is interesting is to go back and see what your limits USED to be and if they have changed and how much have they changed…yet another FUN downtime! So, have you done a limits list? What was your favorite part of doing it?
-
6 Replies
-
Hey V!
I feel like I could have written this exact post. The way we did our first limits list and the things I felt were almost exactly as you described.
I *WISH* we had saved our first list, but apparently we shredded them after we compared notes. We are going to do new ones tonight and we’ll tuck these copies away in our toy box to reflect on in another year.
Staci
-
Yes, you must keep the next list! I love that I’m not alone in this post and understand the importance of honest communication without fear of rejection…it was a weight removed that we did it and it expanded our experience in D/s-M
-
I found our first “limits” list really fun, too. We did it awhile back, when we were first trying to re-asses our marriage and sexual relationship…before we found this site, but after we realized “vanilla-izing” wasn’t working for us anymore. To add a bit of spice, Sir had us both complete the lists and the following discussion nude. Talk about adding a bit of nerves and vulnerability! By the time we were done going over our lists, we were both pretty hot! LOL I think it would be fun to go back and fill them out again….just to see if there is any change. I’m going to suggest it for this week’s DT….a sort of check-in with limits, goals, rules, etc. Shuld be fun!
-
The nude part sounds fun Angelica…but I would be afraid we wouldn’t get done. I can’t even walk through the living room nude in the morning without Sir wanting to play with his toy!
You must let us all know how the re-evaluation goes!
Smooches,
V
-
-
-
Fun twist…
We redid our limits lists tonight. We don’t think that our hard and soft limits have changed much, but we have done a lot more things from the “Green” column than we had experienced when we completed them the first time.
So this time, we checked off what we have tried so that we could clearly see what things we both find acceptable that we have never done. Still plenty of room for growth… LOL! So then Sir asked me to put stars next to 3 things that I was most interested in trying. That really got the conversation rolling during Downtime!
Hugs!
Staci-
That’s awesome Staci!
-
Log in to reply.