Lifestyle out of the bedroom

[harpy]

We are trying the same thing. So far suggestions would be to have him decide on something to call him in public that you’ll know is your title for him but that others may think is an endearment. And establish rules on what needs to be asked and set up code words or discuss specifics on how to ask certain things in public. For example “honey, I need to ______ , can you watch the kids for a moment?”

[little_one]

Hello Bellap & Harpy,
I have two children with my Daddy, ages 5 and 7, that have been creating some frustration for me as I try to balance my duties as a submissive with my maternal obligations and so have been binge-reading all I could find on the internet concerning how to do this covertly. Here are some of the things I found, hope they help you as well. Also, please add anything you may have come up with as well, I am ‘always eager for more information’ (winks to all who got that nod to FSOG)
* Suggest hand gestures to your Dom for specific commands
* Serve Dom first at meal times
* Begin eating only after your Dom has
* If allowed to initiate physical contact with your Dom try choosing one action for public occasions that signifies your submission and attention to your Dom, such as a brief chaste kiss on the neck
* Call/text/email your Dom at the same time during your lunch break
* Wear a piece of BDSM jewelry made for beauty and meaning rather than play around kids/vanilla’s
* Plug – no kids or vanilla’s see that
* If your family watches movies/reads together frequently buy or make some floor pillows to use so you are always beneath your Dom while relaxing together
* Have a time-out spot your Dom can put you in that simply looks as though mommy needs some quiet time. eg. a chair in a corner where you can write (essays, apologies, erotica etc.)
* Offer yourself in some specific way each time you and your Dom are about to leave the house to socialize with friends and recite some promise you create about how you will behave while in public so as to bring him honor. This will be on his mind during the occasion reminding him that you are his and equally put you in a proper mindset that can last through the outting
* Dom controlled vibe panties – nuff said

[bellap]

Thanks for all the ideas Little Lily. Right now we are not going 24/7 but rather just weekends. There are a few things that we keep up during the week because we enjoy it but for the most part we are just not in a place in our life right now where we can go 24/7. My Sir is wiling to go there one day but for us and our life it will have to wait. In the meantime I sooooo look forward to my weekends and I hate Monday mornings more than ever before.

[cslim]

I love the suggestion about serving Mr first, and waiting until he has started eating/ drinking <3

I have recently decided that I need outside the bedroom D/S as well. SO far, the decision was spurred by him opening up his vulnerability to me, telling me something he doesn’t want me doing (going out and having fun without him) and why(it makes him feel jealous) He didn’t specifically ask me or tell me not to, nor did he make me promise not to, but I have not gone out without him since. I also took a visual cue from Mr the last time I went away from him, the way he was looking at my spaghetti strap tunic, I could tell he wasn’t pleased that thats what i would be wearing while away from him, I have decided that i will dress my usual conservative self while away from him, and save my special things for she we are together, or maybe bring a shrug or bolero or something to throw on before I leave Mr.
I am looking forward to more comments and suggestions and sharing on this! <3

[ssb]

Dolce,

The biggest thing that I’ve learned about taking your D/s to the next level is to start small and build on what you do slowly. There’s a saying in medicine to “start low and go slow” Meaning when trying a new medication, for example, start with a low dose and increase it slowly to achieve a therapeutic level.. I view my D/s in the same way.. In the past Sir and I have taken on too much too quickly and it has set us back. So, in order to keep our D/s perfectly balanced we still take things slow and do a little at a time so we don’t get overwhelmed.

One of the things my Sir does is to send me a to do list everyday. It contains vanilla tasks and not so vanilla tasks. My goal is to complete it or get punished for not completing it later. Anyways, I know that what I’m doing on his list during the day, I’m doing in submission to him.. It’s like a mental connection that keeps us close.

Hope that helps!
xoxo
SSB

[hersubject]

I’d agree with SSB – protocols and rules tend to grow naturally over time in any case and suddenly having fifty different rules you have to follow is setting you and your Sir up for failure – you because you WILL forget something at some point because you’re overloaded and Him because he may not realise that you’ve missed something out and so won’t be able to consistently police it.

On kids/family not finding out…

My Queen and I have between U/us six children ranging from 19 down to 7 (fortunately as/we only have the youngest two with U/us ALL the time, however the others spend significant portions of time at home as well). My upper body is always bruised and I have bite marks etc visible. W/we have a St Abdrews cross always up in the bedroom, usually with rope coiled and often a cane visible. The older kids know exactly what’s going on and generally ignore it (no one has sex who is over 40 right?). The two younger ones occasionally tell friends W/we play cops and robbers in the bedroom (handcuffs).

My parents and mother in law know about the cross – my mothers comment to my Queen was ‘well, so long as you don’t hurt each other too much’.

All of my friends know W/we’re kinky and know I’m submissive (which I know is generally more acceptable socially than the man being Dominant but anyway…)

What I’m trying to say is that if you treat it as normal and don’t specifically bring it up in conversation, people are generally aware of what’s going on and either ignore it or are envious. And small kids will accept it as normal if you don’t show embarrassment – and they’ll see the love that goes with it (and of course, it will help them as they grow sexually if they turn out to be non main stream people – nothing quite as good as knowing that Mym and Dad won’t be fazed by such things)

My thoughts anyway

HerSubject

[Unknown Member]

We are 24/7. Our lifestyle is our little secret. Only one other person knows and they have been supportive and don’t ask any questions. Our son doesn’t know and I am not sure he could understand or deal with it if he did. I am not sure if he suspects. He does notice that things are a little different and the tension we had from trying to battle against our natural roles has disappeared.

I wear a nice choker or another piece of jewelry on a daily basis. I have three items so far from which to choose. It is a reminder for me and only we know what my jewelry means. Everyone else just thinks I have nice jewelry.

For us, we just formalized what we had been living for our entire married life. I agree that you do need to start slow and figure out what D/s means for you. Everyone will have a different flavor and that is OK. Our D/s is not like anyone else’s, but it works for us. You will slip up and your Dom will slip up occasionally and that’s OK too. It’s part of the growth and learning experience.

In the very beginning we set up a good contract. When it came time for review, we knew what was working and what wasn’t working and then set up a new contract. You may want to consider having a contract as a guide to lay out specific expectations and duties.

Natasha

[Unknown Member]

Great thoughts, information ! We are 24/7,empty nesters. Only about 50 days … So,recently had our first family, public weekend. We talked talked went over what Sir expected and what I was comfortable with. We both have great since of humor … So throwing in a…. I live to serve SIr just cracked all up but, rocked our world. I love that each Dom/sub is their own! Make Your Own Cum Ending! BD