- MemberJanuary 15, 2015 at 1:32 pm
As many of you may know, my Sir and I are trying for baby #3 now. Even though I am not pregnant yet, I thought I would get this started anyway. I’ve seen a few posts regarding D/s-M and pregnancy. How to keep the D/s alive during what feels like will be an overwhelmingly vanilla time. I don’t think that it has to be that way. I really feel that D/s can be alive and well during the time of pregnancy. There are certain things that will likely need to be temporarily taken off the table (even for low risk pregnancies there are some things that you may enjoy doing that are going to be extra risky during pregnancy). There are other things that will be easy for some and not so easy for others. You have to listen extra closely to your body. And communication is going to be extremely important. Sir and I have started discussing how we can keep our D/s while I am pregnant. Going by what I know of how my body responds to pregnancy, there are a lot of things that won’t need to change. However, we decided that we would play it by ear. If he or I feel like something isn’t working during the pregnancy, we will modify it as needed as we go.
In this post, I plan to “chronicle” (so to speak) my journey through pregnancy: D/s style. I sincerely hope that reading about my experiences can help the others with their own journeys!
I will update this post periodically when I get the chance to do so!
- MemberJanuary 15, 2015 at 7:53 pm
I will definitely be following this topic, not because I plan on having more pregnancies, but because I loved being pregnant soo much, other than since starting our D/s-M journey have I ever felt soo feminine and sexy, as hard as that is for many to believe, when I think back to my 2 pregnancies I don’t think keeping the D/s alive would have been too much of a stretch, however recovery and most of the baby’s first year would have been tougher for me… This being said enjoy getting pregnant D/s style !!! (hugs) ;o)
- MemberJanuary 16, 2015 at 8:35 am
Awesome Nskay!!! D/s is definitely alive and well in pregnancy! The biggest hurdle for us was the nausea that was ever present the first 11ish weeks (thank God for zofran)… I’m 12 weeks now and feeling so much better. Sir and I played last week too and it was so fun and amazing!!
I’m kind of like you in that we haven’t had to take much off the table. Right now most everything is still on, but we play it by ear too.. Definitely keeping the communication going is so important.. When I wasn’t feeling so great we had downtime and we still keep our rituals in place.. My Sir has been a big support to me too…
I’m excited to hear more about your journey into pregnancy! And if I can be of any help just let me know..
- MemberJanuary 16, 2015 at 10:22 am
AnonymousMemberJanuary 16, 2015 at 10:52 am
Love this idea NSK. We have slowed down now that I am halfway…belly’s getting heavy and harder to move gracefully. But, the preggs has been good because we have really connected on a more emotional level D/s-wise.
- MemberJanuary 16, 2015 at 1:35 pm
Thanks ladies! The topic of D/s-M seems to be hard to find information on and the topic of D/s-M during pregnancy is even more difficult to find any information on. I remember searching and searching when I was pregnant with #2 and finding precious little about how it can all still work during pregnancy. I thought this would be a good way to follow a pregnancy from beginning to end in the D/s-M lifestyle. I think Arwen said it great when she mentioned the emotional aspect. I do think that some leniency will be required during that time through the morning sickness, growing belly, nausea, cravings, aching back, aching feet, aching everything. However, that does not mean that he is not still in control.
If anyone wants to add their own perspective and/or experiences please feel free to do so. Our experiences will differ from each other’s and the more insight we can gather the better!
Thanks for sharing that April. I’ve always loved Semisonic. That was great! (Yay for Minnesota born! 😉 )
- MemberFebruary 1, 2015 at 5:05 pm
So it’s been a while since I’ve updated here, but there isn’t too much to update yet. We have been doing some baby dancing with a twist lately. Sir informed me this morning that we are going to be doing a spontaneous scene tonight. So I’m pretty excited about that. I will be taking an HPT sometime after Tuesday (who am I kidding, I’ll be lucky if I make it to Wednesday before testing). I thought it was a good time to update, because we are both suspecting that we hit it this month (don’t quote me on that as we don’t know for sure). I have been more emotional than usual and extremely tired. So I have been a lot more difficult to deal with lately. We both noticed the road I was on and neither of us were happy about it. So through discussion we are working on how to help me to get through the emotions (even if we didn’t really catch it this month, talking about it will help us in the future when it does happen).
So far, he’s just decided to keep a closer eye on me than he usually would need to. He’s likely going to be taking a little more control over things that are usually delegated to me. Tasking me with more smaller things to keep me more mindful. We are already anticipated extreme fatigue, so they won’t be big things but just enough to help me.
That’s really all I have at the moment. I will update later on when I know more about the progress of things. Fingers crossed 🙂
- MemberFebruary 2, 2015 at 12:02 pm
Fingers crossed Nskay! Keep us updated for sure. I think your plan to help you stay more mindful is great.. The fatigue sucks but you will get through it!!
- MemberFebruary 4, 2015 at 3:02 pm
Just wanted to drop in real quick. Today was the first test day. I swear that there’s a second line. It’s so extremely faint yet, it’s hard to tell for 100%. I will test again tomorrow and hopefully get a darker line. I’m feeling VERY hopeful 🙂
- MemberFebruary 4, 2015 at 4:27 pm
Fingers crossed for you Nskay!! I’m following this thread even though I’m not pregnant because I think Sir and I may start trying for Baby #2 this year some time.
- MemberFebruary 4, 2015 at 10:48 pm
Crossing fingers. xoxo
- MemberFebruary 5, 2015 at 7:55 pm
Well ladies, the line got slightly darker this morning. Enough to where Sir actually saw it and I’m convinced that I don’t have “line eye” and that is the real thing. I think that it’s safe to say that I am pregnant. I must say that baby making D/s style was incredibly fun for us. And if my last pregnancy is any indication, it should be a fantastic 9 months (my already super high libido skyrockets into outer space).
Tonight we are celebrating the success with some mild impact play. 🙂 Let the journey begin!
- MemberFebruary 6, 2015 at 9:37 am
Woohoo!! Congratulations lady!!❤️
- MemberFebruary 6, 2015 at 8:48 am
Congrats, I love following a pregnancy it reminds me of 2 of the most magical times in my life
- MemberFebruary 6, 2015 at 2:21 pm
Thanks everyone! Sir said that he knew it, and I felt like it was pretty likely (I have been super over tired lately despite getting plenty of sleep… that’s a major “symptom” for me).
After our session last night, we had downtime and we discussed a few future things. Made sure to get them out on the table before they happen. For example, we are going to continue with some impact play and I told him that I can’t do staying in one place for too long. So we came up with a few ideas on how to keep me from being in the same place for too long. Another thing we talked about was hormones. I tend to completely lose control of my emotions. I don’t intentionally do it, it just happens. And I had said that it was going to be even more of a delicate balance needing to be upheld than usual. I will need a certain level of leniency in some things, but at the same time I need a firm hand. We’re going to cross those bridges when we come to it (though I have “mouthed” a couple times, which is more than normal). Next downtime, I think we will be discussing punishments and how we will go about them (should I need them).
Speaking of punishments, Arwen did a post about punishment in pregnancy, and I’m going to link it here because I think that it’s a great example.
- MemberFebruary 7, 2015 at 1:19 am
Congratulations, Nskay!!!!! I’m very happy for you!
- MemberFebruary 7, 2015 at 1:13 pm
A big thank you to everyone following and the congrats! 🙂 I took a Clearblue Digital with Weeks Estimator this morning and actually seeing the word “Pregnant” is making it feel even more real.
AnonymousMemberFebruary 7, 2015 at 1:48 pm
CONGRATULATIONS NSK! I am so happy for you two! 🙂
- MemberFebruary 11, 2015 at 3:08 pm
So here we are. The beginning of the 4th week. I called to schedule my first ultrasound and prenatal appt today. It will be March 26. It seems like forever away! But it will be worth the wait, because we will get to see more than a little blob on the ultrasound, we’ll get to actually see a baby.
We have cut back on playtime a little bit. We don’t have it as often, but we want to make sure that everything is nice and stuck and settled in there. I still have bruises from a playtime last week, so I’m really not complaining. Hehe. Despite having cut back on the playtime, our D/s is as strong as ever. He gives me little tasks every day. Ranging from writing in my journal to doing a small household chore (like today he told me my task was to replace the light bulbs in the bathroom that have been out for far longer than they should). We will probably be having a downtime just to touch base and make sure we’re both still on the same page.
While I have been incredibly emotional lately (I cried 4 times yesterday…. for mostly silly reasons), I feel like I am doing better with my attitude. I really think that the little tasks every day are really helping me to keep my mindset exactly where I want it to be (he usually gives them to me midday when the little ones are usually napping so it helps break up my day a little bit). I also repeat the SOAP lines to myself a few times in the morning when I first get up and occasionally a few times during the day if I feel like I need the reminder.
That’s really all I have to update for now. Things have been going so well so far. Sir has been so wonderful so far in making sure that I get what I need and what I desire 🙂
Thank you to all who are following! I hope to have another update soon!
- MemberFebruary 16, 2015 at 5:00 pm
I don’t have too much to update here, but I thought I would drop in. I’m 5 weeks this coming Wednesday. I have my first ultrasound at 10 weeks. So I have quite some time to wait. Everything seems to be running very smoothly. He is still giving me little things to do throughout the day to keep myself mindful. Playtime hasn’t happened as often as it usually does, but that has nothing to do with drive. It has everything to do with the fact that I’m a nervous wreck in the first trimester, and Sir knows this. He is taking things slow and easy for now. At least until the first appointment, then I feel exponentially less nervous about things. He is doing a wonderful job in maintaining the balance so far. I’m in serious awe of him and feel very blessed to be continuing our journey while still getting through the hardships that pregnancy brings.
- MemberFebruary 24, 2015 at 12:24 pm
Tomorrow marks 6 weeks. That first appointment still feels so far away (4 weeks and 2 days….). We are still doing pretty well maintaining the balance, but this last week I have felt the teeniest lapse. We have had a few hitches with my attitude, which both of us were expecting. I get incredibly sleepy and am not always in complete control of my emotions and sometimes my “knee-jerk” reactions. I also tend to be very forgetful. I have gotten “the look” a few times over the last few weeks. I do think that it’s going to be time for another downtime very soon and discuss how we both think things are going. Double check and make sure that we are both still on the same page.
One thing that I did want to write a little bit about that maybe someone else might be going through is the lack of playtime and even sex in general. Unless the doctor tells you otherwise, sex is perfectly safe during pregnancy. Even from the kinky side of things there are still quite a bit of things that you can do (just with extra vigilance). For me personally, the first trimester is difficult. I have a super high drive, but I also am a nervous wreck about loss. So Sir takes it easy, we don’t do the usual playtime as often as we used to (or will after that first appointment!). So we find other ways to keep the connection between us strong. Kissing and hugging is crucial for us. But it’s not just the average peck and slight hug. When we kiss, he will often place his hand on the front or back of my neck (on the back he will grip harder). When hugging, he will let his hands wander a little. Then there’s the “outside the bedroom” things. These are relatively easily upheld. I still kneel for him at night and ask permission to enter his bed (the look in his eyes is quite amazing when I do this, but little subbie self just melts). He still asks me to do little tasks for him occasionally during the day (such as writing in my journal or tidying something up, it’s never big things, but him telling me that he has a task for me really helps wonderfully in helping me maintain my mindset).
This is just what is working for us right now. We will keep communicating often and making changes as they are needed (if they are needed).
- MemberMarch 4, 2015 at 8:00 pm
NSK, I felt the biggest thing keeping us from sex was the 24/7 nausea during my first trimester. Like you, we did a lot of communicating… I’m well into my second trimester now and feeling great and horny 😉
- MemberMarch 4, 2015 at 8:42 pm
I am 7 weeks today. My nausea mostly happens all day and then disappears by evening/early night time. So it works out pretty good for us. What doesn’t cease to amaze me is that I still feel the dynamic between us even with the lesser amount of sex. We did do some impact play the other night that was totally awesome. We are having a downtime a bit later tonight to make sure we are still on the same page. But that impact play night was awesome. And very much needed. I am looking forward to the little bit less exhausting second trimester. Even though I predict that I’ll have plenty of belly to have to deal with by the end of the first trimester, but we can deal with that when it happens (already started to get a little bit of a belly!).
I’m glad to hear that you are feeling great and horny. Good combination, enjoy it! 🙂
- MemberMarch 14, 2015 at 3:35 pm
This last week has been crazy. Not the good kind of crazy either. The girls both had colds, which they gave to me. I’ve been laid up with a terrible cold. Sir has given me space to get better so we haven’t done any playtime in the last week either. I am feeling much better today so I’m hoping that we can have some much needed play time tonight. A couple days ago, right in the middle of all my sickness, Sir surprised me. He handed me a gift. It was the day collar that I had been wanting for many months now 🙂 That has really helped me to keep the mindset despite being sick.
Now that I’m feeling better today, I feel super pent up and the wait until tonight is not easy! I know I’ll get there, but oh my this wait…..
We haven’t had much opportunity to talk too much. I have been so tired and ill that it’s been hard to have a really good conversation. We still kept up on the nighttime ritual of asking permission, and it was good for me to continue to do so. We did have a downtime not too long ago, and things just feel very good. Despite all the sickness and such, I still feel the dynamic between us.
AnonymousMemberMarch 18, 2015 at 3:44 pm
It’s week 30! Things have slowed down on the sexual and D/s fronts, but I am not necessarily unhappy. My Sir is taking care of me and I am enjoying it for the most part. Pregnancy takes a lot out of you physically especially as the weeks go on, and it is nice to have someone to lean on. It also does a number on your body image, so it is a blessing to have someone tell you that you look great, help you eat healthy meals, and pamper you with some awesome massages.
As far as the sexual front, I pretty much ask whenever I am up to it, which was once in the last 2 weeks. It was amazing, but I get tired quickly and it is hard to maneuver as easily. It’s always doggy-style with him doing most of the work. Other rituals and protocols have been suspended. I know to those that are new and considering how pregnancy affects your lifestyle, this may not sound encouraging. When you are this far along, it helps to take the pedal off the gas and just relax. Lk has been telling me this for some time and I really think it’s a good piece of advice. Just remember, is it temporary and things will slow down and come back to focus in about 6 months. In the meantime, let Him take care of you both.
- MemberMarch 18, 2015 at 7:35 pm
Thank you so much for your input Arwen! The more perspective we can get here, the better. Every pregnancy different and every relationship is different. Things will be done differently by everyone I’m sure. Just hearing what everyone does during the time of pregnancy is wonderful! We haven’t had to make too many changes yet, maybe a few minor things here and there due to my being sick last week and my awful morning sickness (which lasts from when I wake up until evening time).
- MemberMarch 26, 2015 at 8:14 pm
10 weeks now. I had my appointment today. I scheduled it so that Sir would have it off work and he would be able to come with me. It was wonderful and such a happy moment to see the little pumpkin sprout dancing for us on that screen. And see that beautiful heartbeat. It feels like a load has been lifted.
D/s is still going strong. My day collar helps a lot to keep my mindset during the day. Even when I don’t feel so well, it works as a great reminder for me. I still do my nighttime rituals and now have added the collar to the morning and nighttime rituals. Now that we have had the first appointment, I feel better too, so some of the safe kinkier stuff will probably come back into our bedroom now too 😉
- MemberApril 6, 2015 at 11:36 pm
NsKay and Arwen, thank you so much for continuing to update us on your D/s journey while pregnant. I hope you are both feeling well! Arwen, you are getting so close!!
- MemberApril 13, 2015 at 8:19 pm
Arwen and Nskay, I love reading your pregnancy updates. I really like that there are other subbies on here that are pregnant with me. I’m curious what are you both doing for exercise? Did you have to back off any from your old routines or take a break all together? I was doing crossfit before and have continued it through this pregnancy. There are many things that I’ve modified and I don’t use as much weight. But overall, I’ve felt fantastic continuing to work out. I’m 25 weeks this week and this little baby is growing and growing!!
AnonymousMemberApril 27, 2015 at 12:52 pm
Thought I would update…I am in week 36 and eagerly awaiting L&D. SSB, I did back off from my exercise completely initially because of my history (multiple mcs, pre-eclampsia etc.) However, I got back into it second trimester with some yoga and walking, which I have continued into this trimester. If you feel good working out and your doc has given you the thumbs up, keep at it!!! 🙂
- MemberApril 29, 2015 at 9:52 am
Wow 36 weeks lady!! So close! I can understand the backing off completely at first, you need to take care of yourself and that baby. Are you nervous at all?
- MemberApril 29, 2015 at 1:58 pm
Hello all. It’s been a while since I’ve had the chance to get on here at all lately.
Arwen – That’s so exciting! You’re getting so close now! 🙂 Before you know it, little one will be here!
SSB – I didn’t have much of an exercise routine before getting pregnant. At least not in the winter. In the summer I do a lot of rollerblading. Obviously, that won’t be a thing this summer so I will do a lot of walking. Morning sickness hit me pretty hard in the first trimester this pregnancy (with my previous 2 lasting pregnancies with each of my girls it didn’t start until week 12 or so). It’s finally looking like it’s starting to subside a little bit, but my exhaustion is enormous right now. Once the weather is consistently nice and school is out for my 6 year old we will get out walking and going to the park and things like that.
So my own update. I am 15 weeks today. The nausea still comes and goes, but it’s starting to feel like it might be going away. Which also brings in the nervous feeling (“Is everything okay? Is the baby okay?”). I have my 16 week appointment next Tuesday so I’m excited for that (just wanna hear the heartbeat!!!).
As far as the D/s goes. It’s been going pretty well. I’ve slipped more often than I normally would, but now that my hormones are settling down a bit for a few months (until the 3rd trimester hormones pick up…lol) that should get better. We still do our nightly ritual. We did back off on the rougher play stuff, though we did do a little bit of impact play last week. It was amazing and much needed, but we talked about it afterwards and decided that it’s not something that we will be able to do super often during the pregnancy, especially as I get bigger. Other than that, he has started to do more of the things around the house that I usually do. Which makes me feel bad, but at the same time I am so exhausted that I just can’t do as much as I did. Admitting that is incredibly difficult for me, but I did and had to let go of a little.
AnonymousMemberMay 29, 2015 at 2:31 pm
Well, the baby is here. While pregnancy was definitely a change in our relationship, post-partum is a big change too. To be honest, I didn’t think of D/s until today, about 15 days post-partum. The D/s part of our relationship seems like it was another world far far away. I wonder if we will ever go back there or how I will feel submitting again. As of now, I feel empowered, happy and a little tired. I will keep you guys updated.
- MemberJune 15, 2015 at 10:33 am
I’ve recently been thinking about the post partum coming up. Honestly, it scares me a little. I’ve kept it on the back burner for awhile now. Sir and I talked about it last week. It made me feel better to know that he had the same thoughts about it as I did. It’s comforting to know that we are walking hand in hand together.
Arwen, I am sure you will get your D/s back. I think if you both want it bad enough, you will find a way to make it work. Babies are literally a 24/7 job… Overall, it seems you are feeling good and I’m happy for you! Please keep us updated.
- MemberOctober 14, 2015 at 1:41 pm
It has been a very long time since I have updated this post, I apologize for that. Between my other two kids and the intense pregnancy fatigue that I was dealing with, I didn’t have a lot of time to come on post.
My baby boy was born by induction on October 3. He was 5lb 13oz and 19.5 inches long. I was induced due to low fluid (which was the reason for my induction of my previous two pregnancies) but he was also not growing at the rate my doctor wanted to see. The overall experience was super intense and my hardest labor so far, however, it was also my shortest (only a few hours and less than a minute pushing).
Overall, throughout the pregnancy we continued to do what we had been doing as far as our D/s goes. Not a whole lot changed in that regard (post partum is a very different picture, but this post is about pregnancy. We just went with the flow. He took into consideration all that was going on in my body and we took things one day at a time. He gave me a little more leniency during that time as well. We could continue for the most part with everything that we had been doing (minus the hard play, we wanted to stay on the safe side so we didn’t do any hard play in the 2nd and 3rd trimesters). If you’re reading this because your pregnant and wondering how to keep it all up during pregnancy my best advice is to take it one day at a time. Listen really hard to your body and always play it safe. And communication is ALWAYS important, pregnant or not, but during this time it’s even more important that you discuss everything and make sure you are on the same page. It’s a crazy time with many changes (whether you are on #1 or #6). Remember to cut yourself some slack, pregnancy is difficult and maintaining D/s during it is also difficult but very doable. Don’t give up!
AnonymousMemberAugust 8, 2016 at 5:59 pm
IMPACT- you can still do impact play but sometimes your body is much more sensitive so your pain tolerance may be lower than usual. You don’t hit near the belly for obvious reasons especially during the third trimester. Sometimes when flogging the strands can wrap and hit the sides of your belly so we didn’t do much flogging. Caning the bottom of your feet doesn’t feel good with swollen ankles lol and over the knee spankings will become a no eventually.
BONDAGE- there is actually pregnancy bondage! Which you can look up online and they are pretty I think but also avoid pressure on your stomach. We did some of them and Master took pictures. Extreme or immobilizing bondage is a no especially if you’re going to be on your back as pregnant women are more likely to get blood clots. When you do normal bondage you can tie it ummm let your Sir tie it a bit more loose than usual. Suspension can be done but not full inversion or facing upwards, I think unless your Sir is a professional rigger then you shouldn’t do it. Bondage should not restrict the chest area or breathing either. Tying (swollen) ankles should be done very loosely or maybe not at all. Also bondage in early pregnancy may not be a good idea if you need to go vomit and come back. Vomiting on the bed instantly kills the mood lol
BOOBS- as soon as your milk starts coming you can’t use clamps anymore and even longer if you end up breastfeeding. Nipples usually get sensitive so you can’t do all the things you used to do or what you do do has to be toned down a bit or you can just leave them alone sometimes if it’s too sensitive.
PUSSY- since there’s increased blood flow to that region, you will cum more easily which is great for forced orgasms or edging. Some people get really sensitive though so it depends.
BREATH PLAY- No sort of breath play should be done during pregnancy as it has potential risk to you and your baby. Make sure your collar is not too tight around your neck. And no gags especially if you still have nausea as you may end up vomiting and choking on it.
FIRE/ELECTRICAL PLAY- Electrical play shouldn’t be done on your face or chest, pelvic or abdominal area as amniotic fluid conducts electricity. Fire play can be done as normal but with more caution than usual.
HUMILIATION- You have to be in a good place because your Sir criticizing your body might not be as hot as used to be before. Pregnant women can be really emotional sometimes so him calling you a sexy slut can end playtime instantly with tears. Communication is important and you may not want to be called any of those things for the entire pregnancy. I was so paranoid Master was going to call me a cow when I started getting milk and I was gonna have a breakdown lol
KNEELING- Kneeling for long especially when you sit back on your legs can be uncomfortable. I didn’t stay in positions for very long and either we did a lot of positions changing them quickly or only a few and ended it.
WAX PLAY- wax play is completely safe.
DIZZINESS- sometimes you can get dizzy or light headed during play so we had to stop often and let me lay on my left side until it passed.
POSITIONS- being on your back is a no, on your belly is a no unless you want to spin like a top lol on your right side is also a no so spooning, cuddling, lying down, sex lying your sides has to be done on your left side. Being on top is also a lot more work than usual.
BRUISES- pregnant women tend to bruise more and more easily. Which might look off to the doctor so you can tone down impact closer to appointments or explain that you’re into kinky sex. Aftercare and taking care of the bruises are much more important now.
FISTING- we did fisting when I was pregnant, probably not the type of vaginal stretching your doctor wanted you to do. You should ask your doctor before doing it just to be safe.
We kept our rituals etc in place which helped a lot and lots and lots of talking about everything. He had to be understanding that I couldn’t do as much because I was tired a lot more and playtimes got shorter. Writing and researching assignments worked well for when I was on bedrest. Also, it’s a new body so your Sir will have to get used to it all over again which can be great!
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