Inspiration

[sirsbeauty]

Try going back to the beginning. Do this as a mental exercise or as a journal exercise(whatevers more your style). Visualize how things were in the beginning, how things felt. Ask yourself lots of questions on the trip down memory lane (e.g. why did i fall in love with Him all those years ago? Why was this dynamic such a great fit for us? Etc). Sometimes we just need remember the whys to help uncover the flame that is still there. It just got hidden by life’s busyness. This exercise can also help remind us of the things that we use to do when it was all so new and fresh. Maybe try revisiting some early rules or rituals. Or maybe recreat one of your first scenes together.
Not sure if this will help but is still a fun exercise to try. Sometimes it’s just going through the right motions until the mental funk has passed.
Hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving!
Beauty
P.s. I am thankful for you. The advice and energy you bring to the live chats is so appreciated!

[seaeyes-ruggedshore]

Hey Veruca – not an established sub here went through the same feeling a few years ago with my man and it was sssoooooooo hard. That was way before we discovered D/s, but I think what worked still applies. Are you OK talking to your HusDom about this feeling. Letting him know its not him thats the problem, men LOVE to help solve problems, so it can become a little bit of a game together and take the stress off. Then just get super curious and start looking at all sorts of things you normally don’t do and be really honest with yourself (journal helps here) about what you are intrigued by, what turns you on (especially unexpectedly) and what doesn’t get you going that you thought would. And get really curious about why. And not just the normal D/s stuff that has got you going in the past. Listen to new music, art, books, dirty tumblers (swooooon!), be sweet, romantic and tease each other (super sexy with no contact drives me crazy!), take a dance class, have some epic self pleasure sessions (with permission of course ;)). Not saying that you will never go back to the stuff you loved and got you off before. Its just sometimes easy to start relying on the tried and true, get stuck in a rut and not know why. I was trying to do what used to work harder and it still wasn’t working, which was super scary and disappointing.

Also, I realized I was pretty burned out and my hormones were totally out of whack. Which was completely messing with my sex drive and orgasms. You can’t be on fire if there is nothing to burn. No idea if this is something that is going on with you or not, but it was having a huge impact on my relationship/ sex life and I didn’t even know it. Stress can mess with hormones is such crazy ways and its hard to realize when you are in the midst of it. Took a while, but I am a lot better and does it ever make a difference to how feisty and satisfied I am with our sex life (and relationship/ life overall).

Hope this help. Writing it out, I wonder if the many rabbit holes I went down getting the name of inspiration were the start of me wanting a D/s dynamic 🙂 Have fun!

SeaEyes

[Veruca]

Thank you Beauty and SeaEyes for your thoughtful replies! I have been going back to basics and yes, always communicating with Sir. As I am sure you’ve heard LK say…we are always learning and the day that you think you have it all figured out, is the day you realize you don’t! Reading your responses reminds me of the fresh approach and reminds me that we are all here to subport each other no matter how long we’ve been doing TTWD. Things are getting better and I am looking forward to some activities that Sir has planned for the “Kink-mas” season, lol!
Smooches to you both,
V