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I'm a lost sheep
Hello. New to this site and happy it’s here! It is amazing to me that there really is nothing out there for married folks in this lifestyle! So thank you for that.
I have spent hours upon hours upon hours reading, watching, talking, lurking-yes, read that blog and actually spoke in a chat tonight-to try and learn all that I can about this lifestyle I have been aching for for a long time.
My Sir and I have played in the bedroom for years (been married almost 30) and to be honest, I was as vanilla as a bean for most of it. Never able to let my inhibitions down enough to tell my husband what excited me or what I fantasized about-unless I had a few drinks. In fact, I don’t drink… Unless I want to enjoy our time together so that I can let my hair down and let him tell me what to do or answer his questions about what I like, etc. I wanted more, ached for more but was too ashamed and embarrassed to share that. Years of wasted time.
Bare with me, I’m getting there. My husband got cancer and believe it or not, it was actually a blessing to our relationship. Not at first, it was a tough haul. Through years of treatment we slept in separate rooms. We grew further and further apart, while I took care of him and took care of our five children and household. We hadn’t had any type of intamacy, never mind sex, for over ten years.
Since we were married I have always given him a certain level of power, dumb little things like always picking tv shows and movies, telling me what he wants for dinner, letting him decide where we eat, asking him if it’s ok to get gas or groceries. He used to work 3rd shift and I would fantasize that I had to get the house spotless for him and have his breakfast on the table when he got home to make him happy. I would have a few drinks and pretend I didn’t want sex or do favors for him while teasing him and turning him on because I wanted to give myself to him u dear his terms. All of this has led us to where we are today.
About two months ago we went away for four nights. No children, no responsibilities. Just us, for the first time in 27 years. We drank on the balcony by the ocean and watched fireworks… And made love for the first time in over ten years. We both knew that this was going to have to happen to turn our relationship around. And it did. And then hours later, we didn’t make love. We had the hardest sex we have ever had. And when morning came, he Ike’s and asked me to give him a blow job. When I did, it was like Christmas, birdcages and the first time rolled into one for him. It was not my practice to do anything in the day time, never mind that. I told you, vanilla bean.
He sat there and was speechless. I sat there and felt like the door opened on a world I had been afraid to enter for thirty years. Since that day it’s been incredible. We go on dates, we’ve bought toys, we’ve played out fantasies and planned more. I have blown him almost daily or had sex and have done every act he has asked. I have been giving him control and power and playing around has led us to the deepest conversations we have ever had and has connected us in a way I could never imagined.
Our conversations have led us to pursue a d/s relationship and I finally feel his is where we were meant to be. I’m scared, nervous and excited beyond words. We have started “contract” negotiations, if you will and it is amazing how much we are on the same page and want the same things. And it is exciting how many things we aren’t, that I wan to be taught or taken to.
Our hards and softs have been discussed. Our wants and needs have been written and talked about. We use a notebook that I will write in one night, put under his pillow and he will do the same the next night. We talk about the items in the notebook as well. He gives me writing prompts and I follow through. We have tested a few thugs and continue to experiment with others.
We have not done a formal acceptance yet and I know that needs to come next. My head is so full of everything I’ve read and watched and wanted. I can’t function or sleep because I want this to begin so badly it literally hurts. He is nervous he won’t be a good dominant and he wants to, very badly. He is afraid that if he is not good or does it wrong, he will ruin our relationship in a way we couldn’t survive.
I don’t know where to go from here. I want us both to move forward and I want him to feel confident and peaceful in his dominance. I want to submit whole heartedly and 100% and I need to, now. Where do I go from here?
Sleepless in Massachusetts
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4 Replies
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My HEART TRULY understands your POST , SHARE !! You are no LONGER lost ..you have found HusDom submrs ! You now have all the Sub-Port you can handle LOL !!
I Hope to see you on chat ! I Cum often , for me it helps me in the minds set to be encouraged, listen to others walking the same way we do 🙂
My Sir is Tex on HusDom I am here if you have any questions . KL, KLB, LT …Im sure will chat you soon
WELCUME to submrs ,
CURVEY …married 26+ -
Hi my girl, it’s nice to meet and get to know you. I would recommend your husban join HusDom if he hasn’t already. We were all new at one point, all our Doms had to learn what works and what doesn’t. Be patient with each other during this learning phase, make sure to keep your foundation strong by respectfully communicating honestly and often. When we started I told my husband that I knew we were new and learning and that everything wouldn’t always go smoothly but I had/have confidence in his ability to learn and grow. We have two safe words: red for all-stop I can’t go on, yellow for I don’t want to stop but I need to talk to my partner so we can adjust things or so I can recompose myself, and either of us can use them. And we try to maintain a sense of humor because things will go wrong often in odd ways. Good luck.
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Thanks for the welcome and your words, Curvey! And Beth, it’s nice to meet you as well. I feel like I have lived on this site since I first found it. I believe I have now read every blog and forum posting-whew! My Sir has now successfully joined Husdom, he is Sir James. There were some issues with the site when Mr. Fox changed platforms but now all is well. He is being so good about going on, he doesn’t do social sites and blogs, etc. Growth already. Lol. Thanks for your kind words and I’m sure I’ll run into you both at some point, and look forward to it. Thanks!
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Congratulations on overcoming so much! You both are an inspiration. I wish you so much happiness and peace in your new life together!
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