How has the D/s Lifestyle Improved Your Relationship?

[june]

Hi Collette-
Our D/s has deepened our ties to one another and added new layers of intimacy, trust, attachment, and openness to an already strong and committed marriage. After 28+ years of marriage, we have weathered our fair share of challenges and when we entered this new phase, the thing that has surprised me most is the fact that it has brought us closer than ever. It’s more than being kinky… it’s a renewal of what we promised when we married each other only with a better understanding of who we are as individuals and who we are as a unit. My Sir is my world – He always has been, but now I have new ways to show Him through my submission. His Dominance has been liberating for both of us.

Hope this helps!
june

[his-little-fox]

That is a great assignment collette! June, I can relate.
I can tell you it has taken us to places we never anticipated in only a couple months. We have been married 22 years and we thought we had a good marriage. We have had many ups and downs in our marriage and over the past few years it has been a roller coaster ride with many moves and changes. We are empty nesters now and there is a new dynamic that I do not have the purpose I did for many years taking care of our kids and doing things with schools and neighborhood interactions. I am taking classes, but it is not fulfilling me. We are now living pretty much in the middle of nowhere and I have no friends here yet. I can do things with old friends occasionally but we started getting on each others nerves a bit, I really started being disrespectful and did not feel very loved. I am also peri-menaupausal so my hormones get the best of me at times.
So many variables, led us to contemplate how to proceed. I have a tendency to over commit my time to different activities (classes, non-profits, business, etc.) and it was causing me all sorts of stress and anxiety. One day my husband said, enough, you need me to just take control of your calendar and activities. I agreed wholeheartedly, but was a apprehensive what it would be like. I did struggle for power and we had issues, but we started discussing how it was going to work and he just took the dominant roll. This was last summer before we really started into the D/s lifestyle. We always had the marriage dynamic of him being the dominant and me submissive in marriage until I started making power plays in the recent years.
A couple months ago we started the D/s lifestyle in a more vanilla way and have since found this site and started down the road. This site has been incredible and helped so much. We were kind of a train wreck starting D/s before. Prior to LK.com, he was on sites that said he had to “break” me; and he broke me a couple of times. We went back to foundation steps and now we are on the right track. In just a couple months, we have bared our souls to each other. We recently had my formal acceptance and I received my forever collar. It was amazing! This is truly who and what I was meant for, and my Sir was meant to dominate me. We are having so much fun in every way. We do hit roadblocks and struggles; however, we are so committed to it and to each other, we will never go back.
My Sir has studied (and we think it is true) that everyone has a public, private and secret self-image. The transition to D/s-M has involved us sharing our secret self-image in the form of our inner most fantasies and desires that society would not generally accept. We thought we knew all of these areas in each other but we had sooo much to learn. I have wanted him to dominate me, both physically and mentally. And has wanted to do it all along, but we never discussed it. We have found out so much, and are learning so much, about each other that we never knew.
We both say that we have never felt so loved in 25 years of knowing each other. I have never felt so safe, cared for and valued. It is a new dimension for us to explore together. Some of the best advice here and on husDom is to make this your own journey. Make it personal to your wants and needs.
That is my 2 cents…

[Unknown Member]

Collette,
I have been happily married for 19 years and new to the D/s lifestyle too. There are a couple things that stand out in my mind about how the lifestyle has improved our relationship is that we have let out all of our skeletons out of the closet. And I have to admit some were hard ones to process on both sides. I have had some things happen in my past that obstructed deep intimacy, trust and contributed to a bad self image. The releasing of the skeletons was critical in order to be fully transparent to each other and thus build on a trusting and open foundation. No more secrets. From there came deeper love, trust and caring. We understand each other on a whole new level and it helped us to move forward and concentrate on “US” and our beautiful future, not be quagmired in the past.
How liberating it is.

[bellap]

We have been married 18 years and have 2 children. We started our D/s relationship a few months ago. Since we started our D/s relationship I am embarrassed of the wife I was before and how I treated my husband in the past. I am keenly aware of other couples interactions and feel so sorry for some when I see one spouse disrespect another. There were times I withheld sex from my husband for a variety of reasons and things I said to him or about him that I would never say now. My Sir is completely satisfied with our sex life now. We even frequently wake up in the middle of the night and reach for each other for a mid night quickie. In turn he treats me like a queen now. He never held the door open for me in the past and he does that now all the time. He knows how busy I am at work and with our children and taking care of the home that he looks for ways to take something off of my plate or asks how he can help me. Before, that was unheard of! I know all of the changes are from our D/s relationship. There is a level of respect and admiration that was not there before. These are just a few things that I have noticed that are outside of the bedroom.

[Unknown Member]

I love how everyone continues to add to older posts.

We have been married for 16 years and have one teenager. For us, D/s was something that we were living nearly our entire marriage. We just didn’t realize how big the community was or what the resources were. Before beginning on our journey, our marriage was at a breaking point. I am naturally submissive and he is naturally dominant. The problem was that he kept wanting me to be more dominant and equal in our relationship and I continually did not meet that challenge which caused friction, frustration, and anger. Our relationship was heading down a terrible road.

We have been living 24/7 and our relationship is continually improving. It feels more comfortable in our house, there is no more yelling, a sense of calm. I think this is actually good for the whole family. If we are calm, attentive, and supportive of each other and our teenager sees that we are calm, attentive, and supportive of each other; then I think he has a good example.

I still have a learning curve. I have never been very comfortable discussing sex and sexuality. Let’s just say I have some big luggage there. (Maybe that’s another forum and another post…)

Anyway, we are glad to have found this community. It has already made a world of difference.

Natasha

[Unknown Member]

When I started to explore myself, and found this piece of me I had been tucking away all these years, new ttwd was meant for us.
We have a wonderful past and how we met, and how throughout the years life kept bringing us back together. I truly believe that ppl are born for certain ppl. Soul mates.
We’ve been together for 16 years, married 6. As I started to find myself, I started to see where we were in our relationship. It wasn’t pretty. It was so sad that I had let something most never find, turn into what those have who settled. Sweeping all the crap out from under rugs and nooks and crannies, has not been fun. It didn’t just happen over one deep discussion. I believe the last bit has just been cleaned up. I admitted that the biggest regret I have had in my life, was the way I treated Him. I realized the power that I as the woman / sub of the house has, and I didn’t have to have complete control to have that power. I asked for forgiveness. When he held me, told me he forgave me, and we will be just fine, was the best feeling I have ever had. Like total freedom! Things are at an easy flow. The more I give/submit the more he follows suit. The more I show respect, and make him feel most important, the more I see HIM. It’s been like looking through a different pair of eyes.
Yesterday, I get to work and there is a note. I love you, have a great day, love me. That was it. That night I have him the 3 b’s. 🍗🍺 😮
He truly is the best thing that ever happened to me. And I him.