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He has needs too
Back in September, my Sir took a week long fishing trip to Northern Canada. He was in an area with no wifi or cell signal. It was the first time he had left me since starting D/s-M and being totally cut off from him was extremely difficult. When he got home I was a mess. In the weeks that followed he poured himself into research trying to figure out what type of sub I was. In his mind, this was the most important thing he could do to figure out how to “handle me” in situations such as this in the future. Eventually, he decided that I am a “middle”. I guess that’s like a little only with the spirit of a rebellious teenager. Nope nope nopitty nope. Not me. I really didn’t want to accept that.
In the months that followed, Sir would catch me doing things (rolling my eyes when he told me to put down my tablet and go to bed) and say “what’s that my little middle?” I hated it. At one point he made a comment about my middle tendencies and I yelled “DON’T EXPECT ME TO CALL YOU DADDY! YOU’RE NOT MY FATHER!!!” Yeah, that’s not something that a rebellious teenager would say AT ALL! LOL! He just laughed and as I was walking away he said, “Well if you are going to act 14, I’m going to treat you like you’re 14.”
The first light bulb came on. I was basically forced to grow up at the age of 14. That year, my epileptic sister had a grand mal seizure that left her with permanent brain damage. My grandmother (who I was closer to than my mom) was diagnosed with cancer. All of the adults in my life were extremely busy and I felt abandoned. I was terrified for my sister and grandma, and when I tried to talk to my parents about my feelings they got angry and accuses me of being selfish saying that I was trying to make other people’s problems about me. That’s when my alcoholic father really hit the bottle hard and then decided to hit ME hard. He would drink and punch me on the legs and hips so that the bruises he left would blend in with the ones that I came home from my figure skating lessons with. I started dating a boy much older than me. He had long hair and was in a grunge band. I did it just to piss my dad off, but that backfired when he raped me in the back seat of his car. I was too ashamed to tell my parents. They still don’t know to this day…almost 27 years later. So yeah…I guess I can see where sometimes I actually like a rebellious teenager around Sir. He’s a safe person to let my guard down around and have some of those teenage moments that I never got to have.
Fast forward to now, I have accepted my Sir’s desire to label me a “middle”. What’s a label anyway? Who cares what he calls me as long as it helps him to meet my needs. Then a second light bulb came on. It’s not about MY needs, it’s about his. He has a real need to take care of me. When I go into “middle space” and he allows me to act a bit childish, it feeds his Dom! It allows him to feel as if he has some control in healing me from my troubled past. I decided to do my own research and I am now convinced that Sir has an inner streak of Daddy Dom a mile wide! He needs to take care of me as much as I need to be taken care of. It has not been easy trying to let him do things for me (I’m the submissive here, that’s MY job!), but I can see now how that is helping him to come into his role as the Dominant. He knows what I need even when I am being too stubborn to admit it. Lord have mercy I love that man!
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1 Reply
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Yes he does 🙂 Its awesome to hear you accept what he needs to be able to give you what you need. A true revelation!
I have a had some struggle with accepting my little tendencies as well but that is the great thing about D/s and labels, they are so broad, so much gray area you still have room to make of it what you want. I’ve known from the beginning I have little tendencies though I wasn’t sure where they fit in with everything. I like my stuffies cuddles, and playing dress up (my elf costume is awesome lol). I have my super bratty moments when my eye rolling and smart mouth get me into plenty of trouble. It wasn’t until I asked my Sir what he preferred for me to call him and he told me I could use Sir or Daddy that I understood my own needs. Sir has always been very protective and nurturing. Since we started dating he would cut up my food for me, take me to buy new stuffies, fulfill my need for sweets, watch all my favorite cartoons with me, he is to know where I am at all times, and i am to hold his had when crossing a road because i can be a bit scattered sometimes. He had always taken care of me like his little princess. Heck its part of what made me fall in love with him i love all the attention. It is still a little weird at times to wrap my head around being “little” but I love his Daddy Dom so it helps things fall into place. Plus the fact that he loves me for me gives me the freedom to have those fun childish moments like getting excited over the new Despicable Me coming out and binge watching it even after the kid has went to bed. lol
XOXO
Kleine
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