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Guidance please
So a little bit of background info….
We are fairly new to this lifestyle. My husband/sir has always had a fairly low sex drive. He also has an undiagnosed disability that causes him discomfort. Some days he’s feeling great, and other days his body aches quite badly.
We have set out a contract about a month ago….but things seem to change day by day and hour by hour. He can go from teasing, groping, sending me texts with all sorts of dirty suggestions/ideas of how our night is going to play out….all day long….and then come 8/9/10 at night, he has lost all interest or is too tired. This has caused me frustration and disappointment on many occasions.
One of our rules is that I am to be naked, kneeling at the foot of our bed every night at bed time. He will then dish out my punishments (if needed) and tell me if we will be having any playtime or just punishment or just simply bedtime.
Lastnight we were talking for a while before bed and he told me that he needs a “rest” day in between our sessions. That he’s having a hard time keeping up and doesn’t want to have any half assed session. I completely respect that and agreed…as much as I would LOVE to have playtime every day. He told me that we “won’t be having playtime tonight”. The night carried on and it was time for bed. I went upstairs and waited naked and kneeling at the foot of our bed for him. He walked in, turned on the light, smirked/snickered/chuckled (not really sure what to call it) and said “what are you doing”? Like I had lost my mind and he truly didn’t know why I was there.
I was quite humiliated and hurt by this. I don’t know if I did something wrong. I don’t know if he did something wrong. I tried telling him last night and again today how it made me feel and have only gotten fairly “I couldn’t care less” responses and no acknowledgement of any responsibility, understanding, fault…..
I’m at a loss.
Any guidance, suggestions would be greatly appreciated and if anyone else has a dominant with a low sex drive….advice on how to make this lifestyle work for both of us please.
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3 Replies
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Hello, we have not met but I read your comment in chat about kneeling and how your husband responded. I have many issues regarding communication in my relationship of 26 years. I believe your husband feels that he told you he needed a break. When you were kneeling he took it as you ignored his feeling. I believe he is hurt just as you are. I sugest you explain kneeling only means he needs to say ” it’s just bet time to night”. Let him know you heard him but still wanted to show submission and respect. Just a thought. Good luck.
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I agree with Batty it sounds like a communication was not clear for you both. That’s okay it’s just something to work on together. sometimes Sir will tell me something and it will leave me with 50 million questions I will ask until my understand is clear on what he meant. Yes it can annoy the heck out of him sometimes, but we both want to make sure we understand each other so as not to lead to some unwanted miscommunication.
So for example when he said he wanted a rest I would have started asking what type of rest how long what can I do to help you get the rest needed. Then I would have also said I understand that you need a rest but I feel all mixed up and get grumpy when I feel a total disconnect from our D/s can we still do this ritual? That way I know what he needs and Sir understand and knows what I need as well. Does that make sense? Sir has had a few time where he needs to rest after we played really hard the night before. Usually we’ll cuddle in bed most of the day, and I will dote on Sir as he allows. Sometimes he needs a rest because he exhausted himself and other times he needs it for working things out in his head because in our play he broke a lot of social norms the night before.
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Hi, I am also new to this but I have noticed it is physically very demanding especially on our Sirs. Why not sit down and modify your agreement to 1 or 2 evenings a week? Perhaps he can choose the nights by telling you to “go and prepare for me” so that you know when to kneel and when to go to bed? If he has some chronic fatigue he may be too exhausted to be your Sir every night. I imagine that he doesn’t want to disappoint you, but I do feel your frustration. My own Sir and I had a few years where we had sex maybe once every couple of months because he was too tired. Since starting our transition we are playing almost every night. I do hope you sort things out.
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