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Growing Pains
My Master and I are both new to the D/s lifestyle, and in the last couple of days, we’ve been struggling with boundaries. He wants 24/7, but I don’t. Or rather… I was confused, and because we’re both new and learning together, we both confused each other with the boundaries, differences between our relationship and playtime, and how to balance general normal life with the D/s side.
We’ve been reading, a LOT of reading. He found husDom’s site, and I came here from there. I feel comfortable here, and everyone has been so helpful and welcoming and encouraging. It’s helped open up some of the lines of communication, though it didn’t solve our own confusion. The one thing I kept point out, though, was that no D/s relationship is like another, and I got that from here.
This morning, He found a post from Evilgeof on http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=542652; it’s the 3rd post down, and it talks about the 24/7. in reading it, Master said it helped clarify what He wants from us. I read it, I found it clarified what I want more clearly than I was doing. A couple of other posts in the same thread also helped.
This is what I said to Him this morning:
“Aspiring to do what you want, you having realistic expectations, and that the D/s colours the general life but doesn’t rule it so that we can discuss and make decisions as equals in general everyday matters, like what we’re doing for dinner or where we’re going for the next adventure with Doug or when we’re looking at houses to rent/buy (buying later on)”He agreed that this is also what He wants and is looking for also, that He wants me to still be “me” as I am, but He also wants his Kitten. So we’ll be working on some of the boundaries, such as playtime NOT extending to job interviews but maybe can be extended for walks in the park, those sorts of things. It’s still a learning experience that I’m sure will cause growing pains as we go and evolve, but it’s a good place to start.
For now, I will wear my kitten ankle (https://www.etsy.com/listing/173208557/bdsm-master-kitten-neckaces-dominant?ref=related-5) all the time, but the collar will be saved for playtime. 🙂 Though he does want to get a new one: https://www.etsy.com/listing/168924878/bdsm-dominant-submissive-necklaces-his?ref=related-6 or https://img1.etsystatic.com/023/0/6500068/il_570xN.494346077_k98i.jpg
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6 Replies
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Hi Kitten-
We all have to find what works best for our own relationships and communication is key at all times. It is a theme you will find on LK’s blog over and over. Two-way communication is essential for any relationship and D/s adds another component because of the power exchange. She posted earlier this week on the phases of D/s and you might find it helpful. You can also do a search for foundations and read some of her other posts to see if there’s anything helpful for you and your Sir.The post from evilgeoff had several really good points about a D/s relationship. Thanks for sharing!
Also, really loved the key to my heart jewelry you shared from Etsy! We are looking at jewelry too. My HusDom will choose a play collar for me and together we will select something for day wear.
Welcome to the community and know you’re not alone.
xoxo
june -
Thanks June! We’ve been doing better lately. Master found a thread in husDom’s site about the 24/7 and how one D/s have downtime from when the first person gets home from work until the sub calls him Master for the first time. Master and I discussed this, and some other boundaries, and they seem to be working, like not wearing the chains to a court proceeding (which sets of the metal detectors! *lol*)!
For now, I have a beaded chain anklet with my washer saying Kitten on it because I swap my necklaces so often; since all the necklaces I wear are religious, like my Thor’s Hammer, Master is letting me use the anklet for my collar so it doesn’t interfe or get tangled in the necklaces. But we have a really nice collar for playtime, and I have a chain with a heart for when I’m not wearing one of my own necklaces. Also, we went to Walmart, and we found jewelry chains, so now I have another collar, of sorts, I can wear if I’m not wearing Mjolnir or my Valknut or Warrior’s Necklace. I also have a semi-permanent chain from nipple piercing to nipple piercing that can be clipped to my collar and another one that can be clipped from the other piercings to the nipple chain, too. And hearts on lobster clasps that can be attached to any of the piercings (technically even the tongue, though that isn’t one of the best ideas). So we’re both pleased- good thing I can work with jewelry, too!
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Hi Kitten-
Congrats on getting the job and also working through some of the challenges you and your Sir are facing! I’m sure it’s really tough being in two different households and also having another couple indirectly involved. Gotta love that alpha male stuff! 😉 I have heard wonderful things about the husDOM site and my Sir has recently joined too. Sounds like you have quite a bit of fun jewelry to wear and it will be fun for you to gradually incorporate it into everyday life if that’s what you and your Sir decide to do. I find as time goes on, I feel more daring and eager to push the envelope with various things under my clothes. It’s fun having a secret lol
Have a great week-
june
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It’s tough, but we’re getting through it. LK and everyone are right- communication helps. *lol* We’ve been discussing boundaries, so we’re leaving the D/s very subtle and understated when around the friends and family who would be made uncomfortable with it, like my roomies. It seems to be working, which is a relief!
He bought me a lovely chain with 5 hearts on it to go from piercing to piercing, and 2 more dangling hearts. I attached the hearts, so they’re relatively permanent (requiring the jewelry needle nose pliers to get back off), and I adapted the chain to be a little shorter so it tugs a little if attached to the collar & I move too much- Master felt it was too loose. So the chain is on lobster clasps now, and we can take it on and off or tighten it for more tugging once the new piercing is healed totally.
June, do you have a Walmart nearby? If you go to the craft section, where the yarn is, they should have a jewelry section. If you and your Master go, you can pick out lengths of chain and different attachments. Even if you don’t have piercings, you may be able to find ways to use the chains and attach them- bras are lovely for helping support the chains so they don’t make noise but can still be worn. Same with panties. Earrings could be interesting if you remove the pierced ear hangers and use clip-on hangers instead… They also have jump rings and smaller needle-nosed pliers that you can use to open/close the jump rings, which can be used to add jewelry onto a chain….
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LK and everyone else is right about communication. It is absolutely crucial to the well-being and foundation of a relationship. I’m glad you are able to utilize downtime so well :-). We are 24/7 and like so many others, are discreet when around family/friends/etc. Sometimes a simple touch or look from Him re-centers me in an instant.
Your heart chain sounds lovely! I don’t have any nipple piercings but wear rings for Sir. We definitely have a Walmart close by along with Hobby Lobby and Michael’s. I hadn’t thought of making my own and probably have some jewelry stuff in my craft supplies. That’s a fabulous idea – thanks!
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I’m VERY glad I came here. It helps to know there are other 24/7’ers out there, too; it’s been a bit of a learning curve on how to adjust to it, but we’re managing. Having the support of the Ladies here has beena HUGE help, and I thank everyone for it!!!! 🙂
*lol* Definitely check out Walmart and Michael’s and the other shops nearby that have jewelry stuff. I used the medium sized, 3m, dented silver chain in the bag from Walmart- about $2, lobster clasps- about $2 for 10 of them,, and a bag of the silver jump hoops,- about $2 for a small bag, and a bag of 2 small heart toggle clasps- about $3 or $4.. I got 2 chains, and we now have the nipple chain, collar, and a chain running from the center of the nipple chain to the lower piercings (that one might be too long, though). I also have a smaller “linking” chain for connecting them all together, too, depending on how much play in the chains Master wishes to allow me (not much today after the lovely weekend;)).
To make them, just measure the chains from 1 nipple to the other- I did it while laying down so I knew the max length and adjusted from there. Open the ending link of the chain on 1 side and slide the lobster clasp through, and close. Repeat with the other side. Because you’re not pierced, I’d try substituting clip-=on earring thingies (real technical, I know *lol*) instead of lobster clasps. Measure another length of chain to use for a collar. Open the ending link on the chain, attach 1 side of the toggle, close, and repeat with the other side and the other part of the toggle. I like the heart because I can wear the toggles in front and it looks like a pretty chain when not attached and no one questions it. Then, repeat the nipple chain steps for a chain running from nipples to labia. For me, I have the chain running through the rings of the piercings and attached to itself, but if you aren’t pierced there, that won’t work so you might need to be creative.
The nifty thing about the chains, too, is that you can use jump rings to attach whatever charms you and your Master want (depending on how much weight your breasts can handle- mine are all lightweight because they’re meant to be permanent/semi-permanent). If you use a combination of lobster clasps and jump rings, you can make the charms removeable, so it works even for fishing lure weights as well as pure decorative. If you make a connector chain from collar to nipple chain, you can even make that a little longer so they can be attached but look like nothing more than a decorative necklace if you’re like me and wear a lot of camisoles/tank tops. 🙂
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