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Frantic
The other day, Sir came home from his latest trip out of the country. I had planned to make a nice dinner, have the homeschool mess all cleaned up and put out of sight, the kids happy and calm, the table set, a drink waiting for him, etc, etc. The plans were not working out. I had to help my Aunt and her family with a few rides because her van had broken down on the side of the road. By the time I got them situated and in a rental car, my entire plan was off. I still had to go to the food store…the house was a mess…NOTHING was the way I wanted it to be. I was quickly becoming more and more upset…more and more angry and frustrated. By the time Sir walked in from the airport, I was in a full on panic and SO unhappy. I was so caught up in my spin around the kitchen trying to finish dinner that I barely even glanced up at him. The environment soured quickly as I yelled at the kids about clearing the homeschool supplies off the table. Sir took all of this in for about 10 minutes, and then he walked up…grabbed me by the hair and pulled my head back to look at him. “You’re frantic. Stop” Tears welled up…”But, I wanted everything to be ready when you got here. Dinner isn’t ready, the kids aren’t cooperating and I’m SO MAD at them and the house is a mess and we didn’t finish school today and….”
He cut me off. “Stop. Did I give you a specific time to have dinner ready? Did I tell you that I expect the house to look a certain way when I get here? Did I ever say I expect perfection in homeschooling or everything to be perfect when you have been here alone with them all week?? No. You are angry, frantic….this is not what pleases me. The rest of this will fall into place. I want you to smile and come sit down with me. I ant to see my happy submissive.”
Wow. That wa s areality check. Here I was so obsessed with MY idea of what submission should look like for him…that I was making us both competely miserable trying to attain it. Sir just wanted me…my positivity and happiness,my time and attention to him… and I was ruining it with my self-depreciation and frantic busy-ness trying to serve him. Lesson learned. 🙂
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