-
Finding Life in Submission
Hi everyone. I’m Hisgirl and my Master is dan m on husDom. I call him Master but I am not in a slave role. I did a basic intro in the new registered forum but thought that since I now joined the Premiums I would do a more in-depth intro. I will say sorry in advance for this being long and kind of intense but trying to express what D|s-M has meant to me is very difficult. This is more than a new start for our marriage, it has truly given me a reason to go on. I was in a very dark place over the past 3 years and in truth, off an on throughout our whole relationshio. When we met we both already had a child. He had been married before and had a 4 year old daughter. I had a 3 year old daughter from a previous relationship. We were together off and on ( a lot of ups and downs) for the next 4 years but didn’t get married. In October of 1998 we had a child together. Then in November of 1990, my oldest daughter was killed. She was 7 years old. My life forever changed. Later that month, I broke things off with him and we were split up for almost a year. In January 1992 we got back together and in June of that year I had a miscarriage. We stuck together and got married in September 1992. We had always had somewhat of a kinky sex life with some bondage play but life started getting in the way. Our daughter was (and actually still is) a handful to put it mildly. We had a son in 1994 and another son in 1997. Parenting together was a constant fight, our daughter had a lot of behavior problems and parenting her was a struggle (still is and she is almost 30). Our youngest son has mild Asperger’s and still lives at home. I became a control freak. My husband had to do everything my way or I would shut down and not speak to him for weeks at a time. We either fought or barely spoke. We worked, I did kid stuff and we lived in the same house. I have no idea why he stayed with me. Our other son was an easy kid which was a relief for us. Unfortunately, when he was 14 he picked up drugs and could never shake them. Even in the throes of addiction he was the sweetest boy you would ever meet. Not many people even knew he had a drug problem and we didn’t even know until he was 19 years old. The guilt that he carried due to feeling that he was a failure and not living up to his potential led to a suicide attempt in March of 2015. He survived that attempt but barely and the next 2 years was spent in a constant state of fear, worry and guilt. In March 2017, our beautiful boy took his own life. It was the end of everything that kept me going. I was so tired of people saying how strong I was. I was severely depressed. Every night I went to bed praying that I wouldn’t wake up and every morning I woke up disappointed. I was on medications that I later discovered cause some pretty bad sexual side effects and we did not have sex at all. The only feelings I had were grief and despair. I felt like life would never have any semblance of good. I was lost. For the next year I lived in a blur. I really don’t know how he put up with me. He is grieving too and dealing with everything else that was going on while I spent every day crying and wishing I was with our son. A little over a year after our son’s death, I took myself off all of the meds I was on and started to feel better. I also read a book that I had put off reading – FSOG. I read it and I thought to myself, “Hey, there you are.” I started to remember who I was before kids, before grief, before being hopeless. I also started to want sex again but more than that I wanted my husband again. I read more and more D/s books and really started to long for that lifestyle. I found this site and with the subport here I did Formal Acceptance in July. I honestly believe D|s-M has given me a reason to live and to seek a sliver of joy. I still struggle, we still struggle but I feel stronger in submission than I have ever felt in the vanilla world. So thank you all for your openness an for being so welcoming. I am amazed every day that I found a community of women who actually care about each other and who cheer when I tell them how I love a good spanking! I can’t wait to meet you all in the real world some day 🙂
-
14 Replies
-
Wow! Your transparency and vulnerability in this intro is very moving. You are so strong (even if you don’t believe it)! I am so glad that you are finding joy again
-
Thank you Beauty 🙂
-
Hisgirl…thank you for sharing your story. What a road you have walked! i am so glad you have found the support and friendship here that encourages you to work on your marriage. Though we all have different stories, each of us has found some strength in offering submission to our Sirs, and I am so glad that you have this lifestyle to take on life together.
-
Thanks Angelica! I am happy I found you all too 🙂
-
Hisgirl, thank you for sharing this. You and you Sir have been through some horrific live events. I am glad you are coming to a place where you are able to not only find yourselves again, but you are finding each other. The foundations of D|s-M will guide you and your Sir to an incredible and loving future. I have enjoyed our conversations and look forward to learning and growing with you in our submission to our Sirs.
-
Hisgirl I’m so glad you found a place where you feel safe to share who you really are. As Angelica said we have all come to this place by different routes but all find comfort in our submission. Welcome and I look forward to chatting with you.
-
Dear Hisgirl,
Thank you for sharing your profound story. You have found peace in submission. After what you and your Sir have been through, your bravery is amazing. Life is so complicated, but in submission, you have found a way to bring joy back into your marriage. What an amazing person you are. I feel so lucky to call you friend. I too hope to have many more conversations with you. Your story will help many submissives.
-
Thank you all for the beautiful responses. Just one more reason why I know we found the right place here!
-
And you, Hg, are one of the warrior women I so admire. I’m honored to know you, subport you and to call you subsister!
-
This HG, is what proves we are stronger together! You found strength in your husband, in your surrender, in your submission! You are both brave and strong and you sharing your life with others is proof of that as well!
-
I’ve only just read this now….I have no words for what you have been through. I just want to hug you so tight
-
Thank you for all the kind responses. Love this place!
-
I’ve been waiting to read this since you shared about it in the new member’s chat. I’m so glad I’ve gotten to know you! You’re a beautiful person! I’m so glad you’re here and that you’re YOU! Thank you for sharing this!
-
Thank you Kanna!
Log in to reply.