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Fear of 'wanting' subspace
Master enabled me to reach subspace for the first time about 4 weeks ago. And again right before leaving about 2 weeks ago, though the second time wasn’t near as intense. The first time Master let me know earlier on that he would be using various implements and that it was a session with the basis of finding where my limits were. After the kids were in bed and sleeping we went to the bedroom where i undressed and kneeled in front of him. He had all of his ‘tools’ laid out on my dresser. He warmed me up with his hand and the beginning of the session involved him asking me to rate the pain i felt on a level from 1-10, so that he may gauge his force and what i felt. After a long while and many tools later he had a good gauge on what i felt physically. Then the real session began. When he was finished with one implement he told me to go get the next one, kneel and hand it to him. The blows continued and positions changed as he saw fit. By the end i was leaning over the liberator wedge (a great find for various reasons) and he had returned to using his hand. i would say that fury was let loose, but he was not mad and this was not a punishment. His hand spanked my bare ass at a rate i have never experienced before. My nails dug into the wedge, my toes curled under, but i knew i dare not move. i buried my face and tears streamed down my face. In my heart i knew he was not unpleased, and this was not a punishment. i dug deep to find the strength to endure it. Slap after slap, blow after blow..they just kept coming without pause. i found myself at a place where i was thinking more about how much he loved me, to be doing this, than the pain itself. Then with a few very hard blows and my sobs and moans muffled by the cushion, Master stopped…seconds before i was about to call red. He slowly moved onto the bed, moving the wedge onto the floor and pulling me on to his chest. His hand stroked my back until my breathing had calmed and then he rubbed balm onto my red, burning ass. My head rested against his chest and all i could hear was his heartbeat and my body went numb. At that moment i wanted for nothing. My mind was finally silenced (this is something that had never happened before) all those voices…self-doubt, self-consciousness, worry, questions, insecurity….it was totally silent. i heard nothing other than the beating of his heart. Eventually Master asked me what i needed and my faint, frail voice simply replied with ‘nothing my Love, nothing’. i was numb with stimulation…at that place…was this what i had read about? Had i reached subspace? i wasn’t even sure, until Master chuckled his semi evil chuckle and said ‘good girl, enjoy your subspace.’
He has been gone for a few weeks and has said that he can’t wait for his return so he can ‘take me there’. Something i find myself craving and yearning for..my question and concern is, if you long for it, crave it, will it come naturally? The first time was the most intense and amazing experience and i love and respect Master for wanting to take me there again. But i fear if i long for it/want it too much that i will set myself up for failure by over thinking it and wanting it to the point of never being able to get to ‘that state’.
Can anyone else relate or share some advice in this area? Thanks in advance! -
4 Replies
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Hello takara,
After speaking with My beautiful about this topic I feel certain that you don’t want to over think it. Let your Master guide you as he has before and you will find it again. B had similar concerns after the first time as well. She soon found that she didn’t need to worry and that it would happen again, and it did. It’s a magical ride and since your Master has taken you there twice already I would feel confident that it will happen again.
Best wishes,
MG
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MG said it all E! Thank you for my magic carpet ride’s Master! muah xoxox
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takara-chan,
I don’t see you wanting and craving a time when you feel utterly at peace and calmed is a bad thing, that may very well be one of the reasons I have taken you there… I will get you there again don’t you worry, whether because you need it or when it pleases Me to do so.-Master
MG and B,
Thanks for your insight and comments. We are both excited to have friends to grow and share with in our journey.Sincerely,
Mr. Stone-
Mr. Stone,
You are quite welcome from myself and My beautiful. We are both very excited about the similarities that we share with you and takara, and look forward to a growing friendship as well.
Sincerely,
MG
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