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D/s ok with God?
Are you asking yourself this question? Is God ok with my husband and I having this lifestyle?
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46 Replies
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When I first started looking up this lifestyle, I did wonder the same thing. I spent the better part of a year wondering, going back and forth with myself about it.
Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that yes, I think that God is ok with this lifestyle that I am hoping to achieve.
Details and kinks aside, at the very core of it I am submitting to my husband. I won’t spew off a ton of Bible verses, but to me D/s is essentially God’s design for marriage.
This is just my personal opinion on the matter 🙂-
I feel exactly the same. When we first started out I asked my self this question. This lifestyle doesn’t really have anything to do with religion for me, but you don’t want to disappoint the man upstairs. I had a pretty religious friend and she said something to me that told me that he would be OK with TTWD…
Who else would he want you to explore this with? Enjoying one another’s flesh he approves of. It made complete sense to me.
Its amazing how much D/s happened in ancient times. Most religions have practically erased it from their texts…… I love to hear stories about D/s in old days.
^^
LK-
I agree. Total joy and Creative Counterpoint are both Christian books dealing with submission. Total Joy was written in the 70s. I read it in the 90s. Women thought it was ridiculous. But the principles work. As for the BDSM side, I believe sex is a gift meant for married couples to enjoy each other and strengthen their bond as one. If both are consenting and benefitting I don’t know why God would frown on it.
It’s a little weird thinking that God can see Thatphoneguy and me having sex, but with our love for each other’s desires evident, I would like to think God sees the beauty in it no matter how we play.I am a Christian, but I am ashamed to say many Christians get wrapped up in what others have determined as “sins”. I really believe God judges our intent more than our action. My intent is to express love and pleasure to Thatphoneguy. Based on that belief, I frel God is pleased with our sexual dynamic.
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Thank you for your comment. Lovelace.. I feel the same… Intent… good word..
Thank You,
LK
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I am an active member at my church. I have my faith and beliefs. It isn’t the solid base of my submission, but in a way it played a role in helping me to accept my submissiveness. That is really isn’t wrong, despite society and it’s misunderstanding of it. My church does still teach about and encourage Biblical submission of the wife within a marriage, though unfortunately many do not practice it or even understand it to be honest.
Also, nowhere in the Bible does it say that “Thou must only ever have sexual relations with your wife in missionary position, under the covers, and in the dark.” The Bible actually commands sexual relations with your spouse (one of the reasons for getting married in the first place). It doesn’t command on HOW we go about this within our marriages. So in my opinion: God wants us to enjoy our spouses as we want to. 🙂 -
I love this topic 🙂 In the Bible there is an entire book dedicated to a husband and wife enjoying each other (Song of Solomon). It’s funny (well, not really lol) that one of the curses Eve received was “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you”. I think we as women crave dominance and our true purpose is fulfilled in submission to our husbands and ultimately to God. I totally agree with NsK that God does not limit how we enjoy sex with our husbands. I believe everything is permissable as long as it doesn’t defile the marriage bed or enter into the realm of immorality.
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Wow– I was sitting up in bed reading on my Kindle and saw this thread. Went to my PC cuz too hard to post on my Kindle… and now I can’t see any of the comments above (which I COULD see on the kindle–I just see white space above and emoticons, no text)! Weird.
Anyway, you know this is an issue and a question dear to my heart. I wrote about it. I wrote: “This vulnerability I’ve been working through with my DH on my desires for D/s lifestyle has involved treading new ground. It’s been making me a new person. As I travel along this path, I search my heart and God’s word for the value in it. It’s been a gateway to allowing me to be more vulnerable and honest with God. And because I feel doors opening, I feel God is saying, “This is good. You are being yourself. You are asking questions, reflecting and praying. You are working on submission to your husband, you are working on trust, and you are working on giving each other mutual pleasure and enjoyment with the gift of sex I gave you. As long as what you do for one another’s pleasure is loving and within my laws, I am pleased.”
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LMAO….Nsk
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Also, nowhere in the Bible does it say that “Thou must only ever have sexual relations with your wife in missionary position, under the covers, and in the dark.”
”i love it! And Yes i feel its sooooo true. i am and have always been such a worrier. Master is the strong one of course who answers all my questions and helps me to calm again if i stress with ideas like the above posted question. Actually, i struggled with this question a fair bit. Master explained all step by step even quoting ‘Gods words’ etc… and i always felt better, but latter again i had the same or similar worries. In end He actually wrote it down for me, so when i started to wonder or stress i just had to reread all again.
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It’s quite strange to me to find some people keep thinking that God has rules or protocols on how to have sex. While in the Bible there were rules made for what would happen if anyone had sex in certain situations (in the old testament), there is nothing about D/s. Or how to have sex. Or when to do it.
There is a book I know of that does a bible study about sex in the Bible. Though it’s emphasis is mainly all about staying faithful and abstinence from sex till you find your spouse to share it with, it is pretty good for anyone who wants to study it. The book also dives into the laws in the Bible for sex, which cracked me and my friends up.
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What is the name of the book? We didnt abstain from sex before marriage but im so happy to be in love & married, & having had found God again after finding my Soul Mate. Who can really abstain from sex before Marriage!! I’d live a long sexless life, i love sex too much, it’d never happen. 🙂 i swear my first son is a nephilim (offspring from a fallen angel) reason being fallen angels have huge dicks o_o ….. i love researching things, so i started ranting but these things are all ive been reading & thinking about lately.
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The book is called “The Truth About Sex: What the World Won’t Tell You and God Wants You to Know” by Kay Arthur.
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YES! i am asking myself & God that question, when i was in Church on my knees when i first went in i actually did ask God or the Angels/messengers similarly that question. That was just this Friday, 2 or 3 days ago. i was raised Chatholic & my Husband as well. i have been saying a lot of prayers about handing my life & everything over to God & then i started wanting to do D/s again, after we had taken a long break from it. I do a lot of research & Catholic Churches are a patriarch, a patriarch is where the men are in charge & head of the house hold. Wikipedia “Female Submission” i love it. I am being the subservient wife i should be. With a twist, maybe that twist is inspired by fallen angels/demons honestly im not so sure. Catholocism,Angels,Fallen Angels & more is a topic i can go into so much interesting stuff about. Well atleast i think that it’s interesting. i go to Church very very often, more than once a week & do Bible study. i do question O/our lifestyle sometimes, but i do know God wants me to be submissive/subservient to my Husband & that’s all i know that is acceptable by God this far.
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I think that God would be fine with it. He gave us sex to enjoy with our beloved, the fashion of it doesn’t really signify. And a D/s relationship with a set, for lack of a better term, “power structure” means that there isn’t any sort of struggle for control. A Dominant takes charge and a submissive follows, yes, but furthermore, a good Dominant listens to their submissive’s input and opinions and the submissive knows that their Dominant values their opinion without taking it as some threat sort of to their authority. There isn’t some sort of battle to be heard.
To me, this facilitates good communication, which helps form loving relationships, and surely God wouldn’t object to that.
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I agree LS, I am not a religious person but I do believe in God. God built structure with the ten commandments he wrote for us to follow. If we keep within our Married vows between Hus/Dom and Wife/sub God will not have a problem with our structure in our D/s lifestyle.
RR♥
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Exactly how I feel LS!
There’s no struggle on who’s right and who’s wrong. My Sir listens to my opinions then makes his. We are both happy and there’s no jockeying for the position.LK
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This is exactly how our D/s works. We just re-affirmed it this morning, actually, while riding in the car. I am his wife first and his sub second. He is my husband first and a Dom second. The Sir part encompasses both, as I believe a true Sir is both a gentleman and a Dom. It is a position few men can hold, and I have great respect for the ones I have met online so far. My Sir values and solicits my opinion on lots of things, but his decision is final. I have long given up trying to prove to him that “my way” is better, or undermine his efforts behind his back. I trust that he has our best interests at heart. It’s hard to give up control, but very freeing. He isn’t mean or overbearing, and does not abuse the power he has, in stead, he feels very secure in his leadership position, and there is harmony in our house. Explain to me how God would have an issue with that? What happens in the bedroom is to our mutual pleasure and serves to reinforce our relationship of respect and trust.
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I love this thread and everyone’s input! I couldn’t agree more with all your thoughts. So well put by NsK and LS! I too feel like what is shared between a man and wife, if consensual, is always pleasing to God. Wifely submission is not often observed or followed anymore,and I think so many women would be happier if they did. It’s hard, and takes strength sometimes to give your submission, but as LS pointed out, it leads to so much harmony! I found this verse particularly interesting :)…..
1 Peter 3:5-6 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
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As a fellow Christian that speaks in a Protestant tongue, I am not here to judge anyone’s choice of lifestyle. There will be only one judgment day for us all. I also believe that God loves each and every one of us regardless of our choices in life. He forgave all of our sins when he died on the cross. His only desire is a personal relationship with Him. Attending church is fellowship with other Christians. Reading your Bible, praying, journaling, helping those in need are gifts you can offer Him.
When I was considering this magical journey (thanks hispetiteelle!) I researched the Christian persepctive quite a bit. I know… I was looking for permission. What I found is similar to a Sunday sermon. There are many interpretations. We see this with movie, book, food, theatre critics. Isn’t it interesting they call themselves “critics?” Seems to me they are set up to be “critical.” I wonder what the critics who wrote negative reviews of the movies Officer and a Gentleman and Dirty Dancing felt when both movies turned into award winning, record-breaking films? Not every critic gets it right. Boy, didn’t 50 Shades of Grey provide a vast platform of critics to emerge. All interpretations married with their own beliefs.
God has given us the gift of sex between man and woman. Read Song Of Solomon in the Old Testament. It can be quite sensual. It is a love song written by Solomon to his bride. It also captures her responses. Here are a couple: 1:2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth – for your love is better than wine; 2:16: My beloved is mine and I am his. The marital bed can not be degraded as long as it is consenual.
I read a quote from Christian Women Today… “God designed a marriage as a safe place for husband and wife to explore, experiment, laugh and get lost in sensational sex.” And that is exactly what we are doing!
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I think D/s is perfectly fine with God. Scripture is clear that the marriage bed is sacred and marriage is honorable in every way. Heb 13:4 The only stipulations seem to be that it’s only the two of you, no animals, and things are consensual. After that, you are free to do what you wish together. Personally, I think that D/s builds both spouses character in a positive way as they treat each other in the best way they can. It encourages thoughtfulness, kindness, & deliberateness. It makes you both actually very very happy. It encourages the relationship to work more smoothly which becomes visible to the ever watching world as they see that you’ve got something different going on in your life together.
The reality is that this lifestyle is kind of parallel to changing your life by dieting, exercising and losing weight. People see it, are interested and covet your results, but usually don’t want to go to the work/discipline to get the results for themselves.
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My husband and I are committed Christians, we attend church weekly, run a bible study in our house… You get the idea. We had been doing BDSM scenes for a few years, something about it always excited me, but hubby found it difficult to get in the zone all the time (and think of ideas) so it was only occasionally. We planned a “fun” BDSM night the other week and out of nowhere he asked me if it was something I wanted to do more often. I was confused but he had been on another blog about a Christian couple doing D/s and all of a sudden it clicked for me and I realised it was exactly what I wanted. In 6 years of marriage I have never been this turned on for so long or wanted sex so often! I am letting him make more decisions in our day to day lives and have found a freedom in that – I find it hard to make decisions because I over think things and get stressed. I think it is only going to make our marriage stronger, and help me to obey him like it says in the bible. I am so excited about what is to come! 🙂
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As a Christian I have questioned my self if what we are doing is wrong in God’s eyes. I don’t think it is. The Bible clearly states that the wife is to obey her husband and that the husband is to treat his wife like he would like to be treated. This is just my option but I don’t feel I’m doing wrong.
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Not trying to get all holy rolling on you ladies but I found this verse and I think it answers or question. There are lots more if you research. Ephesians 5:22-33 ESV
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,-
Thank you babe…. I have read that as well and I knew in my heart I had to answer this when I first got started. I feel the same way. We should enjoy one another to the fullest and find joy with in one another and not feel about it. This is NOT a religious journey but a personal one that I wanted to know I was NOT displeasing the man upstairs. That’s one man you DON’T cross.. Thanks for commenting.. HUGS! LK
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Lol yes LK! I was feeling the same way. I don’t want to cross the man up stairs! Thank you for all the awesome post!
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Hi everyone, I am new to this website and this was the first thing I wanted to look at, I wanted to see everyone’s opinion on this. My Husband and I have been in a some type D/s relationship since 1992, and this was always my biggest struggle, I talked to God often about it, one Saturday night I really cried out to God after a dinner with friends,who had some firm opinions, the following Sunday morning my Pastor ask some questions that made me wake up and pay attention. He ask “Who do you let hold you accountable? Is that person tight with God? Do they know God? do they have a relationship with God? Do they know your Father better than you? Did they create you? Who are you being accountable to God or someone wanting to be God? Well I was, I can’t find words to express what I was, at that point… He went on and at some point said “God created you perfect in his sight, he knows everything about you, down to the number of hairs on your head, Do you think God is going to stop loving you based on someones worldly views? Stop allowing the world to make you uncomfortable with your relationship with God” And in that moment I was set free from all doubt, because I believe God knows of our desires, he created us, He wrote in his word to submit to our Husbands… The world has come up worth it’s on rules, people have gotten away from the way God set up this world, Adam was to be the Authority, and Eve was to submit to that Authority, just as we are all suppose to submit to the Lord’s Authority…
I’m my church we have many couples that there relationships resemble that of a D/s relationship, My Pastor’s wife submits to the Pastor all the time, when he is talking it is just as if my Sir is talking, There are church ladies, that have said when asked to do something that the will have to ask their husbands if that would be ok… Of course there are those that snicker about it, but the Funny thing is those that have a submissive type relationship they are very well off and have amazing chemistry between the husband and wife… Where as on the other side of that coin, not so much…
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thank you for this post. I have just been on a long journey in my relationship with God. First i had to let go my hurt, become a child (seeing him as a parent and me as 2) being allowed to make mistakes. Then i had to work on full obedience to god and gicing everything up to Him. My husband and i were going thriugh difficult times, once i gave everything to God, i gound myself fully submitting to my husband and asking for him to become my master, without really researching it. It was just natural. I am a fiercly independent woman and have battled with submission for years. I realised that God made me what i am, i am able to be honest with my husband, submitting to him i have become free…so to answerr the question, God gave sex as a gift, i see this lifestule as a gift from Him. Hope this adds value to the discussion
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Funny, I came across this forum today, the beginning of the Lenten Season and I found it very interesting. I have been raised in church my entire life and from what I was taught and what I know of D/s, there are a few biblical principles that come to mind. 1. Wives are to SUBMIT to their husbands (it’s an actual scripture, wives are living outside the will of God when the don’t submit) and 2. God delights in married people finding pleasure in each other 3. When your marry, your body is no longer your own, it belongs to your husband. 4.The marriage bed is undefiled (which has always been a blanket covering for all TTWD) I have a strong spirit of conviction, I always have. Even when I was little, if I was doing something wrong, that I knew was wrong I felt horrible about it. I have never felt convicted for one second for living the D/s life. As a matter of fact, I have felt more at peace than I ever have and I truly believe it’s because I’m doing things the right way by loving, honoring, respecting, and obeying my husband.
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I used to work for a church (don’t really dabble as much in that world at preset)
I think the problem is when people say that submission is the way it should/has to be. I would completely rebel against a church teaching that a wife HAS to submit to a husband as I know those texts are often interpreted, especially in very Evangelical churches.
However I do rejoice in being able to *choose* submission in our relationship. Submission should be chosen not commanded.
I also think a lot of churches have some huge hang ups about sex. I went into my first marriage completely clueless. We had been ever so “good” as christians and were very young. It never quite clicked. I later realised, as an above poster mentioned, that God made the clitoris purely for pleasure 😀 I am pretty convinved that God would honour the intention at the heart of BDSM or consent, respect for the other partner, communication. Things that can be really lacking even in a vanilla relationship.
The topics an interesting one, and one that fascinates me academically in terms of the way various cultures interpret religious texts.
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my Hus/Dom and i were raised in and continue to be very active and involved in our religion. The only source of conflict with our religious beliefs and a D/s relationship is we feel very strongly against viewing porn. Which we’ve both struggled with in the past and both agree it didn’t help either of us to learn about sex (before we we’re married and before D/s) and often times gave us unreal expectations and sometimes even made it difficult to just enjoy being with each other. But now when watching porn specifically BDSM videos would be helpful even just for ideas. But besides that we actually use our relationship to become closer not only to each other but closer to God. We have time set aside in our schedule for bible study together followed by downtime every week. Part of my daily routine from Him is bible reading. It definitely helps me. i was never very good before at actually sitting down for awhile everyday and just reading. i think a major goal in a D/s relationship is not only to improve your relationship but also to improve yourself.
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Thank you for commenting and sub porting the site… Glad you are finding your answers and sharing with others your views.
Sweetness and Submrs
xoxox
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